Hey, four fifths of my polycule saw you from across the bar and think you're cute. The other one thinks you're fuck ugly.

his frog was getting nasty from chewing and I had to put it in the laundry. happy reunion after 90 sad and lonely minutes without #myfrog

[guy whose bedtime is approaching fast] I need to write one billion words right now. and draw everything that has ever existed.

Changing the relationship status to "Stalemate"

Changing the relationship status to "Uneasy truce"

Changing the relationship status to "Mutually assured destruction"

every time someones says "hey how are you" and i say "good" and forget to add the "how about you?" i feel like i've missed a quicktime event

they accidentally gave me the unheimlich manoeuvre and i choked to death in a distinctly uncanny way

I'm running g out of quirky lines help

sorry for [remembering a tumblr post about expressing gratitude instead of apologising to make the interaction more positive for the other person] i mean thank you for having a boyfriend who was so easy to run over withmy car and reverse over three times maybe four