the internal

by wolflaneur

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1.
hermit 03:01
i've become accustomed to silence isolation my comfort my descent i long to be alone to be unknown but i need you to notice me need you to acknowledge me i need to mean something anything, anything ...anything . . . but i need you... but i need you... but i need you... i long to be alone but i need you to notice me i long to be unknown but i need you to acknowledge me i need you to notice me i need you to acknowledge me i need.... i need to mean something
2.
lighthouse 03:20
it's time to soliloquize while i seek out the lighthouse the beacon that highlights reason the magnet that collects my fragments and injects them with a sense of direction i just wanna know what it's like to have clear sight to have clear sight . . . how can it be? the light that fights through darkest nights stays invisible to me how can i see that which along my way illuminates with caution and clarity? how can i find myself under clouds and fog that dwells? how can i find myself? how can i find myself?
3.
in between 03:33
4.
chemically 03:03
disordered chemically start to sputter, stutter, nutty like the butter lost my marbles during delivery down in flames right as rain head in the clouds . . . cold glass, hot water run for cover cold, glass hot water cold glass, hot water run for cover run for cover run. . . . (disorder) (sputter stutter nutty like the butter) (disorder) (etc) . . . it's so disorderly travel at light speeds north, left, underground but never right never right as rain always down in flames straight into volcanic ice . . . cold glass, hot water run for cover cold, glass hot water cold glass, hot water run for cover run for cover run. . . . (disorder) (sputter stutter nutty like the butter) (disorder) (etc) disordered chemically constant cycles mentally just have to eat my greens 'cause that'll fix me if i just eat my greens disordered chemically disordered chemically disordered chemically
5.
the way my body aches the way it writhes in pain from the moment that i wake, i beg to be sedated do i deserve a fate like this? the way a smile fades when subconscious landscapes quickly deteriorate heavy wind and heavier rain do i deserve a weight like this? . . . one bird, two stones futile attempts to stay afloat to fly while they're being thrown cry out 'cause there's no control two stones, broken wings one bird who can only sing jaded and eternally fatigued gloomy, helpless, incomplete . . . who am i to complain? i get to spend entire days trapped inside my cage in my bed and in my head the perfect place for demons to play is inside the space i waste . . . one bird, two stones one bird, two stones one bird, two stones one bird, two stones
6.
(you should be ashamed, you should be ashamed) (you should be ashamed, you should be ashamed) i'm doing my best (you should be ashamed, you should be ashamed) why can't you see? (you should be ashamed) (you should be ashamed, you should be ashamed) i'm doing my best (you should be ashamed) why can't you see (you should be ashamed) i'm trying? (you should be ashamed) . . . an apple without a core color fades faster than that of the orange the worms, they burrow as purpose wanes i'll make sure the mold is thorough as it helps me to disintegrate . . . an orange and its coat that innate boundary allows for it within its home to be segmented perfectly then there's the apple, bruised skin and all gets torn apart in carnage because that's just what is natural . . . but when they fall, it's not on common ground the orange laughs out loud while the apple weeps why can't you see how hard i'm trying? why can't you see i'm trying?
7.
8.
bitter 02:14
i'm so tired of feeling bitter and i'm so over facing quotidian jitters but i'm not gonna smile if solely for the misters and i'll keep getting higher 'cause dad didn't raise a quitter (didn't raise a quitter) (a quitter) (a quitter) exasperation over the brows that furrow about unseen ambitions they're picking at the wrong bones and i hoped if they listened they'd understand the syndromes and yet it's damnation for playing the perceived wrong note escapism brings me home and what's real is unknown in the dusks of sorrow i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it i'm so over it
9.
again 03:20
woke up defeated again another lack of suspense caught underneath the mud and i can't outswim hungry bugs when all that's left is scraps i've always been outmatched by those who know how to detach and compartmentalize i can't count how many flies circle the rotting fruit vultures, they follow suit and rip to shreds my lifeless thoughts . . . another night spent lost in caverns with abundant twists and drops into a trust fall in which i can't catch myself at all go to bed defeated again
10.
plagued 02:38
why, no matter the time of day, am i always fucking plagued by the feeling that i'm inadequate? sigh 'cause any confidence gets dismissed what is even the point of reframing the festering unvoiced that i'm facing? (it's festering and festering) 'cause nothing that i say seems to matter when lost in unwanted subconscious patterns when ever i feel any kind of way, it extends to a lack of self esteem and self blame (so much self blame) restlessness and fatigue mean i'm intrinsically not good enough it's been so difficult to learn self love to learn self love to learn self love to learn self love to learn self love

about

welcome to my brain <3

any proceeds will be going towards my cat's upcoming vet bills

credits

released January 2, 2026

every little thing was done by me, wolflaneur
except for the guitar on "apples//oranges," which was done by Zack Keister

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wolflaneur Atlanta, Georgia

i'm like if a fairy and a ghost had a baby

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