literally what the fuck do you mean its still january. how is that remotely possible. its been six months minimum

Sounds hot

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

check out my next stoner metal ep, featuring such classics as:

• Marijuanification
• Complete Derangement
• Stoned Sex Drive
• Derangement Manifests a Literal Sex Demon
• Monstrum Incarnate
• Narcotic Parody of Sex

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

charlie kirk's been weirdly quiet lately

dry humping in its specificity as a term implies the existence of wet humping

not my best work

reading bad media takes online will never compare to the exquisite torture that is trying to have a conversation about basic literary analysis with your own family members

discussing media with people online: can you please put down the greek mythology for a second and actually read the text in front of you

discussing media with your parents:

the people yearn for nonplastic fabrics

I love that a lion with an eagle's head and wings is such a well-known mythical beast but apparently the English language can only agree on a grand total of 3 out of 7 letters in its name.

Regex that ought to match (most) spelling variations of this mythical beast's name:

gr[iuy](?:ff|ph)[eioy]n

I write it either as gryffin or griffin

But

Gruphon, gryffon, griphen (sounds like the plane, grippen, lmao), gruffin and others would be enlightened spellings

@artemisonahunt this one is for you

OK we see you cunty wizard

mark my words

redbubble / trans flag version

April 23rd, mark my words

my birthday is april 24th and the universe has the opportunity to give me the funniest birthday present imaginable everyone start manifesting NOW

context (via @mellorocket)

doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay

Okay but Elmo had actually the best and sweetest response to all this trauma dumping:

And then all the other Sesame Street character accounts joined in:

And now I’m thinking maybe we’re gonna be okay… 💗

(Comment compilation from this Twitter)

I kinda feel for the poor person running Elmo's Twitter.

"So, boss... I may have messed up."

"What did you do, Ray?"

"Well, I made a post for Elmo saying 'Hi, how's everybody doing?'"

"I mean, that's kind of what we pay you for."

"Yeah, but.... <sigh> it turns out pretty much everyone is hanging on by a thread, badly enough that they needed to tell Elmo."

"Oh."

"God help me, boss, I think Elmo needs to be there for them."

"Get the others."

this is the energy that jim henson would be proud of.

and important addition

Source: instagram

Always reblog this. Elmo and his friends will be there in your times of trial and doubt, to help you through your torment

so the cah pride pack has options for buying it “with glitter" and “without glitter” and knowing cards against humanity they just tip like 3 tablespoons of fucking glitter into the pack of cards and send it out

this is absolutely what they’ve done

I did it to myself so you don’t have to

send help

thank you for your sacrifice

I love cards against humanity