Hi guys, this is really hard to say, because I find it very difficult to talk about my personal problems. Unfortunately, I went through many experiences that showed me It's not always a good idea to talk about your problems with "strangers", but on the recommendation of friends, I wanted to inform you a little about what I'm going through.

I never had an easy life, I was born in a country where the economy is very bad (Argentina) and my family was not very luxurious, I was happy, but out of pure innocence. My mother, who is still an alcoholic to this day, beat and mistreated my sister and me, even making us do things that she, as an adult and mother, had to do.
Then we went into my father's custody, which was not easy either. He never hit us, but I did receive a lot of psychological abuse from him (a I must clarify that we now have a good relationship because it has changed)
But without a doubt the worst of all was that a person who was 25 years old at that time (2019) began to play with my mind when I was 15 years old. This person abused me in many ways, he had intimate relations with me when I was 15 years old and without PROTECTION even though I asked him to because I was afraid, he released intimate photos of me as a minor and as an adult (Along with two other people who today he calls friends), and I was not the only person. Unfortunately, this person manipulated me in such a way that I generated an emotional dependence on him so I was by his side for almost 5 years despite his lack of interest and mistreatment. For these reasons and many more, I developed many mental disorders, they did not finish diagnosing me but for the moment they diagnosed me with severe depression, psychotic attacks, anxiety and possible schizophrenia or depressive psychosis.

I tried to commit suicide many times, I have multiple and large scars on both forearms. My diet decreased due to depression, I have gone 3 days without eating or drinking water, I once had to be put in an ambulance and taken to a hospital to be restrained because I simply wanted to die. Unfortunately, mental health here is only treated in the right way if you have MONEY, so they left me alone in a hospital hallway for 7 hours, without any restraint or support. All they did was draw my blood, which even damaged my arm even more, because they pricked me 3 times and in a bad way, my arm was left all purple for months. And the worst of all is that my ex-partner didn't care about any of this. I never saw a tear fall from his face when he saw me bleeding, he even acted as if nothing was happening. He once laughed at a situation other than mine BUT in a situation where my best friends Amarul and Starfly saved me from bleeding to death at the Furcon "ARFF" in 2022 (There are times and times, but I can't expect more from someone as psychopathic as my ex).

Today i have 21 years old, i am surrounded by people who love me and my a wonderful boyfriend Loky, who always cares about me but unfortunately, even so, I still haven't gotten over my suicidal thoughts. I have already removed the main problem from my life, but I am left with too many after-effects... to the point of not even being able to go out on the street without panicking, I hate myself so much that I feel ashamed when people just look at me, because I feel like I am the most horrible and disgusting being on this planet... There are many strong feelings and thoughts that have me in limbo.

And to make matters worse, I'm going through an economic crisis, because I'm not opening new slots since I want to finish ALL the old orders first. But because of this, I can't afford a psychologist, psychiatrist or medicine, which means I can't even do my greatest passion, which is drawing..
I am very embarrassed to face my clients and feel like I am a total failure for taking so long with my work, I really don't want to do that. I really appreciate the trust they have in me. But right now I can't even do basic things that a human being does on a daily basis, like eating well, bathing daily, drinking water, sleeping well... I just can't....

I'm even considering checking myself into a psychiatric hospital because I simply can't handle myself anymore, every day my thoughts are about suicide, to the point that my partner Loky is afraid to go to work and well.. you know...

I really apologize to everyone, one way or another I will deliver the drawings or refund, I just ask for patience, because at this moment I can do absolutely nothing and I don't have any kind of income apart from my drawings or fursuits... they are my only jobs...