K.D. Absolutely's Reviews > A Grief Observed

Heartwrenching narrative about death and mourning. Inspiring musings of somebody who have just lost his loved one. Musings that include all phases of grief from shock, pain, acceptance and moving on. He even went to the stage of questioning the existence and love of God but in a way is so thought-provoking even people with strong faith will need to double check his deep-seated beliefs.

This 76-page poignant, partly angry and deeply moving journal by Clive Staples (C. S.) Lewis (1898-1963) was first published in 1961 following the death (bone cancer, 1960) of his wife Helen Joy Gresham (nee Davidman) who Lewis fondly referred to as simply H. C. S. Lewis died just two years after this book was published.

This book seems to be an ideal companion for people who are in bereavement. While reading, you'll have this feeling that Lewis' thoughts are yours. This is a good idea because C. S. Lewis is one remarkable Christian writer (Screwtape Letters, Miracles: A Preliminary Study, Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life, etc) and his thoughts are inspiring and can strengthen one's faith especially if that someone has just lost a loved one.

I had my share of deaths in the family. I lost my dad in 1997. My last grandparent died in 1984. Last month, the 15-y/o daughter (as young as my daughter Jillian) of a first cousin died from leukemia. Yesterday, the day I read this book, my maternal aunt was buried.

Thus, I was able to identify with Lewis. I just had to pull out those painful death experiences while reading Lewis' narratives. I rode with him in his journey of emotions from his initial shock (Chapter 1), doubts on the love and wisdom of God (Chapter 2), followed by acceptance recognizing that love does not end with death (Chapter 3) and finally moving on with a positive attitude and hope that living is still worthwhile (Chapter 4). It also offers what you should do to comfort a friend who has just lost someone. Do you say "she is now at peace"? or "everything happens for a reason?" or "there is no death" and "death does not matter"? or "she will now live forever in your memory"? or "she is now with God"? In his moment of grief, Lewis explained that all these words are shallow if not meaningless or even some of them are untrue. Something that most of us normally say and we thought that those are comforting could actually be received by our friend as just plain blubbers or even insulting.

Before, when reading, I used to write on the very last page of the book, the page numbers where the nice quotes are. Lately, I got tired of looking for a pen when reading so I adapted my lawyer-brother's style of folding the upper right-hand corner the page. Out of 76 pages, I almost tip-folded every page! There were even those pages that I could not decide which direction I would like the fold to be.

But this is my favorite as this, for me, is the most heart-wrenching of them all:

"Oh God, God, why did you take such trouble to force this creature out of his shell if it is now doomed to crawl back - to be sucked back - into it?"

This is particularly striking because C. S. Lewis found love in the late middle-age when he met Joy, an American writer and a single-mother (of two sons). One of these two sons, Douglas H. Gresham, even wrote the second introduction of the edition I have of this book. It is a very relevant piece telling what kind of a stepfather Lewis was and how true Lewis and his mother's love was for each other only to be cut short by death. Gresham also stressed that The indefinite article (the "A") in the title serves to make it clear that Lewis's grief is not the quintessential grief experience at the loss of a loved one, but one individual's perspective among countless others. Even a letter in the title makes a lot of "comforting" difference.

A stunning book: A Grief Observed (always remember the "A")!