Tim's Reviews > The Pack

Dear reader, I have been told in the past that my rare 1 star reviews can be "overlong and mean spirited." If you feel that way, I respect that and suggest you look at one of the more positive reviews for the book. They will likely be kinder and shorter.
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Man, there certainly was a stream of killer animal novels in the 70s and 80s. Rats, slugs, insects, sharks you name it, if it was even a semi-sentient animal, it probably wanted to kill you in some creative fashion. The Pack continues this idea with "man's best friend."

Okay, so let's start off noting that the idea of this book is horrific. Not just the idea about dogs attacking human as a pack, but WHY they are attacking. You see apparently the author heard about people who came from the city, rented houses on islands, bringing an animal to entertain their kids and then when it was time to go back home, would leave the animal on the island to die. That is horrible, and after a prologue where we see just that, I was ready for these assholes to come back to the island the next summer for some comeuppance and doggy revenge.

...

Nope! It takes place in the winter, and focuses on the dogs going after the people who live on the island year round (who did nothing in the prologue and many of them indeed condemned this behavior) and their vising family.



Already we have gotten off on the wrong start. Do we get a death scene with ANY of those people who left their animals behind? No... okay, well this is already thoroughly disappointing. Let's see what else you'll throw at me.

NO! Stay positive. I mean, this is still salvageable. I'll confess, I enjoy a good b-horror killer animal story. Those were my thoughts going into the book, followed by this: "This should be cheesy good fun... why isn't this cheesy good fun?"

Oh, dear sweet naive Tim of a week ago, you know nothing of the world. Forgive me for being cynical (which if you won't, now might be a good time to abandon ship on this review, because I'll be getting worse) but the book is less of an animal attack story and more of a cutting metaphor for reality! It's about you feeling like you're stuck in a world gone mad full of disappointing decisions. This book is like a slap in the face every time you read it, so much so that it's less a book and more of a timely reminder on social distancing (people from the future, please tell me this joke is dated... oh, please, please tell me that).

First the positives. It's fast paced and short. There, I praised the damn thing. Now let's eviscerate it.

Let's get down to the characters. They have names, but I won't bother typing them out. It requires more brain power in terms of memory than the book deserves.

There is lead character guy, I'll talk about him later because I could write an entire essay on why he's the most frustrating protagonist I've read in years.

Annoying wife: she's a big city girl who doesn't understand these outdoorsy ways. She would rather complain about not being in the city, complain about a broken nail, and spend a fortune on jewlery and clothes. You know the cliche, I don't need to continue.

The lead's mom and dad. They live on the island and can't understand their son and his city folk ways. They suspect that he may... *Gasp* want them to move to the city as there is no one to take care of them on the island... AND THEY ARE RIGHT! Will they be able to talk their son out of his fool notions? Do any of us really care? (view spoiler)[The dogs sure don't and kill off this plot point pretty fast... pun most certainly intended. (hide spoiler)]

There's the kids. They have no real personality. They are children and only seen briefly. Nothing really to hate here, I mean they're kids... oh, wait, they started talking and are just as annoying as everyone else in the book. That's a relief. To hell with them too.

Finally there is the brother. The brother is a Vietnam war vet, who is lost in a world at peace, and spends his time wandering aimlessly, drinking, sleeping with most likely underage girls, hunting and wanting to prove himself better than that hoity toity college educated brother of his... because of course that had to be his character. Of course you had to make him a bigger asshole than his brother, because his brother is such an insufferable dick. You know what though, I still like him better. He may be an annoying cliche, but he shares my dislike of his brother, so I'll even mention his name is Kenny because at least he's got one thing going for him.



Oh Fight Club references, they do come in useful sometimes...

So, speaking of toxic masculinity (wonderful transition there Tim, that newly invented Pulitzer Prize for Goodreads reviews is almost yours), lets talk about our lead. So, he's an insecure asshat who seems to go the entire book "taking back his place," which is to say showing his wife who is the boss. No, I'm not joking, that seems to be the lesson learned from this experience.

At one point I made an update that just said the following "Wow.... I’ve never read one single page filled with so much macho bullshit in all my years of reading. I can’t decide if the book is entertainingly bad now or just bad."

Now it is time to reveal what was on that page. Be ready for a long quote.

"He would kill them, and that would show her.

The thought startled him. Her? Diane? Diane loved him, there was no question of that. Maybe he indulged her too much over the years, maybe he hadn't been as demanding as he should have been. But now he would show her. Now he would reestablish his superiority.

There was more. He tried to shut off his mind, but it pumped out additional truths. The reason surfaced no matter how he denied it. Finally he had to admit to himself that the night's excitement had exhilarated him far beyond anything in recent memory. That he once again felt incredibly alive after so many dead years in the city."

Okay, let's breakdown this paragraph by paragraph.

First one: Yes, killing dogs will sure show them. May as well put on a labcoat and shout into a thunderstorm "I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!!!!!!"

Second paragraph: He should have been more demanding? He needs to... reestablish... his... superiority? I really have nothing to say to that. I really have no words. Please, someone help me out here. Jean-Luc?



Thank you Picard. As always, you are a source of wisdom.

Paragraph three: so... the most exhilarating night of your life was (view spoiler)[the night your dad was murdered in front of you by a bunch of dogs, and traumatized your family... There's no nice way to say this, but you're kind of fucked up dude. (hide spoiler)]

I wish I could say the macho bullshit ended there, but no, of course it doesn't. At one point he is in a life or death situation and debates on calling his wife for help. He decides not to because: “the thought of her knowing he had failed again was abominable.”

Is this a book about killer dogs or the most insecure man in the world? I honestly don’t know anymore.

At one point his wife has the gall to offer a suggestion, namely that they throw out food laced with some of her vallium, so that maybe the dogs will get drowsy. His reaction "The pills again. Her answer to everything." Okay, I dislike his wife as a character, but seriously, to hell with you man. She made a semi-reasonable suggestion and he immediately dismisses her.

Later his wife saves him from another situation and we get the following gem "An now his wife had to act to save his life. The dogs; rotten, disgusting dogs, had humiliated him, made him less of a man."

Want more? His son gets bitten by a dog and his wife fears rabies, he decides to make a run for the car. He considers why should he do this when help will eventually arrive.

"For Diane, he told himself. And, after pausing, admitted silently, for myself."

Not for your son, you selfish bastard? No, again, it always comes down to him, to proving himself the big man. Can't accept anyone's help, has to prove he can do it, take control for himself and show his wife who is boss. To hell with the kids, they exist just to show that he is a dominant male who produced more than one offspring.

To hell with this book.

If I were a diplomat, I would call this book "an admirable attempted at an old story." I am not a diplomat, so I'll call it a "tired cliche, followed by a tired cliche, rounded off with a touch of cliche and some fine wine, because I assure you, you'll need alcohol to finish this off.

In closing: TLDR - book sucks, don't read it. 1/5 stars.