Laysee's Reviews > A Grief Observed

“… for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” - C. S. Lewis


There are books we read for escape or enjoyment. Then there are books we read for direction or edification. A Grief Observed belongs to the latter category.

C. S. Lewis, a British writer, lay theologian, and Christian apologist, is best known for his work of fiction such as The Screwtape Letters and The Chronicles of Narnia as well as non-fiction Christian apologetics that include Mere Christianity and The Problem of Pain. Last August, I read his memoir, Surprised by Joy, which I enjoyed for a look at how a stubborn atheist eventually became a believer. Lewis wrote intelligently and I was in awe of his brilliant mind.

Published in 1961, A Grief Observed is a very personal book. The four chapters (only 109 pages on the Kindle edition) began as a collection of journal entries Lewis wrote after his wife, Joy Davidson, died in 1960. Poor Lewis! I felt his pain. Of grief, he noted, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.” Also, “And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief. Except at my job - when the machine seems to run on much as usual - I loathe the slightest effort.”

For half of this book, we hear Lewis beating his breast and raging at God and calling him the Comic Sadist. Anyone who has lost a spouse or lover would be able to relate to the impenetrable anguish, unrelenting loneliness, searing loss, and all-circling grief that reduce life to a mere flat, shabby, worn-out, joyless existence. Lewis also recounted how colleagues, friends, and family had difficulty figuring out how to communicate with him. He recalled being unable to talk to his children, “The moment I try, there appears on their faces neither grief, nor love, nor fear, nor pity, but the most fatal of all non-conductors, embarrassment. They look as if I were committing an indecency.”

Perhaps, the hardest struggle was in reconciling this bottomless grief with his faith and the idea of a loving God. In his own words, “Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms.” When he felt most desperate, God seemed so absent: ”A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside.“ I love how human and honest Lewis was in this admission, “Talk to me about the truth of religion and I’ll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I’ll listen submissively. But don’t come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don’t understand.”

I think grief affects us all alike, whether you believe in God or not. It is not any easier for believers than for non-believers even though we may think otherwise. I kept on reading and did gain some precious insight from Lewis’ reflection on his grief experience. There were no easy answers even as Lewis reconnected with his Cosmic Sadist and found a way beyond sorrow of remembering and loving his wife.

A Grief Observed is a profoundly empathic reflection on the experience of loss and grief. Thank you, Mr. Lewis, for sharing your journey with us.