Ashley (semi-ia, exam szn)'s Reviews > My Friends

i think coming of age books will always hold a special place in my heart.

playlist for my friends: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ry...

a painting including four friends, and a teenage girl discovering their backstories. what could she possibly learn?

this novel was undoubtedly admirable, as is fredrik backman’s propensity to captivate and immerse me—making me resonate with his characters that felt incredibly real once again. it is an earnest and luminous exploration of grief, friendship, angst, the plights of being human and the quiet miracle of finding connection, the silent artistry of living, and all the moments in between, as the story oscillates between the present and past. it also reminded me of how narrow-minded i can be!! backman very much has a penchant for gently reminding us of the simple things we so often forget.

i’ve always liked how frederik backman depicts grief. what happens when we lose the physical presence of our person? we see them in everything. indeed we feel hollow, but there’s also a quiet beauty in that hollowness—as we see them through other people, places, and objects, ultimately we can learn to appreciate those and feel somewhat whole again as we grieve and learn. this novel illustrates that duality, which is devastating but strangely heartening. this genuinely felt like one of those hopecore videos.

“We aren’t kids anymore.”

i still find myself mourning childhood—perhaps an unhealthy amount—while being submerged in my teenage years. i always yearn to go back—to when joy was instinctive and imagination was endless. it felt like time moved slower and seemingly, grass was greener—colours were more exuberant. yet somehow, this book gently encouraged me to seek presence. there is happiness here, now, in obscure and fleeting places, i’m just too clouded by nostalgia. it’s comforting to look back on those days, however, i shouldn’t linger there for too long. i am, by nature, a pessimist, but maybe it’s time i start realizing that beauty and contentment can arrive in the most unassuming forms.

the characters:

ted:

"Sometimes he imagines that mankind invented God just to have someone to be angry with, because you can't be angry with a dad who's dead, not even a little bit. Ted was most angry with God because he didn't get more memories. All he could remember of his dad's voice was: "Good night, ghosts."

honestly a real guy. quite the guarded introvert—he longs not solely for what was lost, but for what was never fully his to begin with. if you’re a yearner/you long, you immediately intrigue me.

louisa:

"But there she had stopped, just for a few minutes, to listen for the train to disappear. It was stupid, but being stupid is human, and today she was extra human."

representation for apprehensive, annoying teenage girls who miss their best friends and feel lost/never know what to do (me!! i miss my childhood friends.)

kimkim “the artist”:

"The artist was an observer, he couldn't bear to be observed, the world always gets those mixed up."

"If anyone sees the painting, I don't want them to know who I am.
I only want to be who I really am.. with you."

a charming artist, most himself in silence and brushstrokes. he wants to be known—but only by those who truly see him. him resisting exposure while aching to be understood is so real. i also love how his painting signature was his friend's names put together.

ali:
"I got into a fight with a boy in gym class because he said I threw the ball like a little girl."

she’s always a woman to me. (yes, that was a billy joel reference)

joar:
“Do you think you can learn how to live without Ali and Kimkim?" she asks as they're slowly walking back to Joar's place.

Joar just grins and points to a large house.

'We aren't without them. Kimkim lives over there. And sometimes he lives there. And Ali lives there, I see her every day when she's taking the trash out."”

a very silly guy, yet supportive and surprisingly insightful. i think we could all use a joar in our life.

i also appreciate the donna tartt mention: "'Where do you want your ashes scattered, then?'

Ted thinks for a good while before deciding:

Ted looks sadly at the cigar

'In a library. You don't have to put up with reality there. It's as if

thousands of strangers have given away their imaginary friends, they're

sitting on the shelves and calling to you as you walk past. There's an

author called Donna Tartt who describes why a person falls in love with art: 'It's a secret whisper from an alleyway. Psst, you. Hey kid. Yes, you 'That’s what libraries feel like to me'"
real!! libraries are not merely about escapism—it’s also about recognition. stories find us and see our inherently complex nature. there’s something reverent about being known like that. i wholeheartedly believe that to be loved is to be known. thus, who needs a romantic relationship when you have books that know you? (i might be still trying to convince myself that being single forever is okay, so i digress.) but this book made me feel seen!

and then there’s the plethora of mary oliver quote mentions:
"tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
which kind of left me floored. because yes, what am i going to do with it? i’m not sure. but like everyone in the novel, i'll figure it out—it’s a process, we’re all continuously grasping life—still getting used to it. in a way, it reminded me of an apprenticeship, or the book of pleasures by clarice lispector. in here, we are also reminded that while life brings an immense amount of pain and uncertainty, we live despite it and find hope through relationships with others, experiences, and the way we keep moving forward (i pretty much copied it from my review, but honestly, there’s really no other way i'd put it).

happy release day to my friends! the biggest thank you to simon and schuster for providing me with a beautiful physical copy of this book ❤️. i’m glad my first physical arc was one that i enjoyed! now i shall go sonder (as i usually do after reading a fredrik backman book) and read the poems of mary oliver soon!!

other quotes:
"Yet the most remarkable thing about losing a parent is that you don't even need to miss them for their loss to be felt. The basic function of a parent is just to exist. You have to be there, like ballast in a boat, because otherwise your child capsizes."

"That's all of life. All we can hope for. You mustn't think about the fact that it might end, because then you live like a coward, you never love too much or sing too loudly. You have to take it for granted, the artist thinks, the whole thing: sunrises and slow Sunday mornings and water balloons and another person's breath against your neck. That's the only courageous thing a person can do."


"It’s art that helps me cope. Because art is a fragile magic, just like love, and that's humanity's only defense against death. That we create and paint and dance and fall in love, that's our rebellion against eternity. Everything beautiful is a shield. Vincent van Gogh wrote I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things."


"Don't cry for me, Ted. I got to experience everything. It's been a long, long life, and at the end of it I got to see something unbelievably beautiful."

Ted nods disconsolately. "That girl's paintings."

"No. You. I got to see you."


"You have to know all this about Louisa, otherwise you can't understand what a painting can mean. That there is a speed at which a heart can beat that you can't remember when you've stopped being young. There is art that can be so beautiful that it makes a teenager too big for her body. There is a sort of happiness so overwhelming that it is almost unbearable, your soul seems to kick its way through your bones. You can see a painting, and for a single moment of your life, just for a single breath, you can forget to be afraid. If you've ever experienced that, you know how it feels. If you haven't, there probably isn't any way to explain it."



"Time is a strange concept once you've been abandoned. If you're five years old when your parent leaves you, the leaving didn't happen on one particular day, it happens every day. It never stops."



"There is a time for everything. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn. A time to dance."



"It's a funny thing. The person we fall in love with, we hardly ever call by their name. Because it's somehow just so obvious that it's you Im talking to, that it's you I'm always thinking of. Who else?"


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aww, this is precious!! RTC
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HELP I JUST REALIZED THIS COMES OUT TOMORROW. gonna lock in!!!

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update: it arrived today!!

GUYSS??? MY FIRST PHYSICAL ARC IS BEING SENT TO ME RN!! maybe life is worth living?? thank you joni for inspiring me to send emails to publishers ily