Ana's Reviews > Alchemised

♾️ nothing will ever compare...

This was an absolute masterpiece.. I'm so unwell right now.. I didn't finish this book, this book finished me.. It destroyed me.. It's one of those books you carry with you always, in the depths of your soul.

Reading it felt like if someone punched me in the gut, then reached into my chest cavity and ripped my heart out, then put it back just to stab me fourteen times and leave me to bleed in the darkness..
There's a light at the end of the tunnel, but you'll get there bruised and battered, barely alive...

Please be aware that this a dark fantasy and while this is still a love story, it is not romantic.. Tragic, epic, unforgettable and absolutely incredible, but not a romance in the sense that most people have come to expect.. It's filled with heavy themes and soul-crushing and traumatic moments, but their love was unbreakable.
It was a love story for the ages, but so painful!
But most importantly this is a story about war, about the sacrifices they had to make, about the trauma they'll always carry, about survival. So many difficult themes were touched and a lot of parallels can be drawn to real life and that made this book hurt even more..
Please check content warnings before you decide to read this!!

My love for Helena and Kaine will never die. They suffered so much, sacrificed everything, just to not be remembered in the right way and that hurt the most. The treatment Helena was given was atrocious, she was manipulated and treated as expendable when she was the one that sacrificed so much.. I hated them, for everything they put her through!! But she was strong and determined and did everything for the people she loved.
And Kaine, I'll defend him until my last breath, he sacrificed every part of himself until only a ghost of him was left. His morality was questionable, but his love for Helena was always there, in the end he did it all for her. Their love was born out of loneliness and desperation, but it was immovable. The torture they had to endure was unfathomable, and the scars of it will never disappear, both physical and mental. They were both victims and deserved so much better..

This book is full of pain, it shows you the horrors of war and the faults of both sides, Helena and Kaine were always fighting for the different sides of the same coin...
It shows what uncontrollable power does and the dangers of religious fanaticism and just how little the government cares and how expendable to them are the lives of people they deem not "pure". It shows the impossible things people have to do to protect the ones they love and what it truly takes to take down the enemy and how far that enemy will go to show that he remains in power. And it shows how sometimes the ones who helped create that world again will just be a footnote in the history books...

This book truly and utterly destroyed me, but it was worth it! All the tears, every crash out, it was so worth it, because this book will always have a piece of my soul.. It hit harder for me, because I understand better than many people do..

For me, the pace was perfect and I didn't have that much problems following the worldbuilding, but it was slow at times.
I honestly thought that the first part is going to hurt the most, but part two and the flashbacks hurt so much more, especially when I would recognize the conversations they had in part one.. Seeing their story unfold and then remember everything that happened in part one was heartbreaking.. But the beginning of part three was for me, personally, the worst. I cried so many times I lost count.. I don't think I'll ever truly recover..
I think SenLinYu did an amazing job reimaging the world and the characters. They created a world what stands firmly on its legs, but still has everything that made it so special in the first place.

This is not a happy story, it's a story full of agony and grief and guilt and angst and so much trauma.. Now, if you wondering if it has a happy ending, I'll tell you, but if you don't want to know skip the next sentence!!
I feel like the ending was perfect for them, they suffered so much and have so many reminders of the war and to me that was the only ending that made sense. It's what they always wanted. So, yes, it has a happy ending. I wish the world knew their story and that last sentence will forever haunt me, but I understand why.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

“𝓓𝓸 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾?”
“𝓘 𝓼𝓾𝓹𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸.”

“𝓘𝓯 𝓘’𝓭 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓭 𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓶𝓮, 𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”
“𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓽 𝓘 𝓼𝓾𝓹𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓘 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓷. 𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓷, 𝓽𝓸𝓸.”

“𝓨𝓸𝓾’𝓻𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓪 𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓿𝓮𝔂𝓪𝓻𝓭,”
“𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓻.”

“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓻𝓮𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮,”
“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓻𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓽. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓘’𝓶 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮—𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓘’𝓶 𝓭𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼—𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮. 𝓣𝓸 𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓪𝓯𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓵.”

“𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”

“𝓘 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓷—𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼, 𝓘 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”

“𝓑𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰. 𝓘 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓵𝓵 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮.”

“𝓑𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓲𝓯 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓻𝓪𝔃𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓞𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓲𝓼𝓷’𝓽 𝓪 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽, 𝓲𝓽’𝓼 𝓪 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓮. 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓿𝓲𝓿𝓪𝓵 𝓪𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓪 𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓡𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓯𝓪𝓼𝓽’𝓼. 𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓲𝓮, 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓴𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓵𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶. 𝓖𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓴 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓿𝓪𝓵𝓾𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓸𝔀𝓷.”

“𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓲𝓮, 𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓪, 𝓘’𝓶 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮. 𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓷’𝓽 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼. 𝓘’𝓶 𝓽𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓭.”

“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓸 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓻 𝓱𝓪𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”

“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓼𝓪𝓲𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭𝓷’𝓽 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓮𝓵𝓼𝓮. 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓪 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓶𝓮.”

“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷’𝓽 𝓼𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮,”
“𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓹𝓾𝓽 𝓾𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝔀𝓸 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼.”

“𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵. 𝓐𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼.”
“𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘’𝓭 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”

“𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷’𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮. 𝓘 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓘’𝓶 𝓼𝓸 𝓽𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾.”

“𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓪, 𝓘’𝓶 𝓽𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓭.”

“𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼 …”
“𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓽𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓲𝓽 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓾𝓼, 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼.”

“𝓔𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝔂. 𝓘’𝓵𝓵 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓵𝓵 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓲𝓽’𝓼 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽.”

“𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓼𝓷’𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓸𝓻 𝓹𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴. 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮’𝓼 𝓪 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼. 𝓚𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓰𝓸 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭. 𝓘 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓼. 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓻𝓪𝔂 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓼𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓲𝓶. 𝓘𝓯 𝓱𝓮’𝓼 𝓪 𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘’𝓶 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻.”

𝓚𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓕𝓮𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓷, 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓗𝓲𝓰𝓱 𝓡𝓮𝓮𝓿𝓮, 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓷 𝓱𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂.

𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪 𝓷𝓸𝓷-𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓞𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓭 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

IT'S TIME!!
I'm ready to be destroyed.. No. I'm not.. 🥀