100% Match Quotes

“0.001752% of relationships end in homicide.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“If they have tattoos, they screw. This is true of men and women alike. If they smoke, they poke. Also true, studies show.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I also throw things when the opportunity arises; like if a cat walks into my yard, I’ll throw it into the street.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“She’s had more penis in her than…I don’t know…a penis factory.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“1.2% of women consider themselves sadistic.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“Before going to bed, I send an email to my senator telling him he’ll be assassinated in thirteen days.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“Big Bertha,”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“She’s too old anyway and appears to have arthritis, which can hinder a woman’s ability to jerk off her male counterpart.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“65% of people—no matter their gender, race, or sexual orientation—who watch reality TV have a diminished sense of self-worth and have virtually no hope for humankind as a whole.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“That night, to celebrate a successful date with Sara, I smear my own feces across my naked body then violate the officer’s corpse with her nightstick while I watch a documentary on extreme body modification.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“After all that, I go to take a shower, taking the cat and the corn on the cob with me.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“cut up the dead kid in my basement and vacuum seal the pieces”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“98.3% of women do not like being called fat.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I can’t see my wienie, my little pecker, my loving love rod, unless I lean forward.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“We walk up to the counter. Surprisingly, there is no line. I recognize the barista as a young woman whose miniature schnauzer I killed last year. She was reading a book at the city park, letting the pup run about. I cornered it behind some bushes and removed all four of its legs with a pair of garden loppers. It was alive when I left but the newspaper reported the next day that it had died. I still have the legs. Sara orders a vanilla latte and a blueberry muffin. I order a red eye and a brownie. I pay for both orders even though Sara says she is happy to pay.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I take the squashed cricket from my pocket and throw it in the fryer with the fries.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I put a bowl of milk out for the cat then watch a documentary on heroin addiction among transvestites in Wisconsin then cut up the dead kid in my basement and vacuum seal the pieces and store them in the freezer down there. After all that, I go to take a shower, taking the cat and the corn on the cob with me.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I can’t see my wienie, my little pecker, my loving love rod, unless I lean forward. My belly blocks it from view.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I can’t see my wienie, my little pecker, my loving love rod, unless I lean forward”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I hand her both items and fart loudly.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I have trouble getting to sleep, so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“chili burger,”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I try a bite for myself and agree it’s tasty.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“100% of vegans are snooty and attention-seeking, and they’re impossible to please.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“the large mayonnaise jars. I don’t think it’s one I’ve masturbated into before.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I have masturbated to Miss Danbury three times, though.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“Yes, my name is Bartholomew.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“work my upper body, I sometimes throw punches—shadow boxing, I think it’s called. I also throw things when the opportunity arises; like if a cat walks into my yard, I’ll throw it into the street.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match

“I’m not simply looking to get my man rod wet. I can just as easily derive sexual pleasure from mayonnaise jars or crawdad holes.”
― Patrick C. Harrison III, 100% Match