my dearest love (ao3) has befallen a great tragedy (is down for maintenance) so i must pine alone in my lonely tower (i could do something productive but i think not)

lotta slang terms be going back to the kitchen cause… they got roasted, let em cook, they ate, bro looks chopped, we got beef…

Im getting a job! Yay!

I can’t wait to say fun things like:

“sorry, I have a shift at that time, can we reschedule?”

and “ugh, I’ve got work tomorrow”

and best of all!… “today is the day im going to mysteriously disappear and live as a deer until I get hit by a car!”

me, sighing and petting my zero notes flop post on tumblr: theyre hiding your great presence from everyone babygirl. the rest of the world just isnt ready to see you

today i woke up feeling like a 2d character getting shaken awake by the author of the comic, and getting told to go find the rest of the characters because they escaped

whys every cookies n’ cream ice cream i have always so soft? It ain’t even putting up a fight fr, meanwhile this mf the strawberry ice cream gives me extra stages of grief while bending my spoon over and cookie dough is forcing me to go through the Herculean trials js to get half a scoop that flies at 100 mph across my kitchen when I finally get it free

guy that curses at least twice every sentence but only in the most calm and polite manner possible

”when life gives you lemons-“ I’d like to meet this ‘life’ guy. Why do they own so many lemons? And why are they giving them to me?

Winning kahoot is the best when you either stay in first the entire time (the cries of despair) or you claw your way up last second (dethroning the first)

as a general aroace, when I show an interest in someone it’s not attraction, it’s actually me secretly plotting how to use their physical appearance/personality traits into a brand new OC :)

battling depression? haha no, we’re actually coworkers on pretty decent terms. good friends even. we hang out quite often, in fact.

I asked my dad what would happen if I dry swallowed a whole thing of tylenol and ibuprofen at the same time and he just made ambulance noises at me

me and my graphics class were joking around the other day (calling each other conniving manipulative dictators, describing how one uses the picture of a terrifying old white man to remind themselves to do their work, commenting on the ghastly shade of pink one has as their background, etc.) and my teacher starts dramatically spelling out her tale of woe. She mournfully says that shouldn’t have gotten herself trapped into our riveting conversations and now she lives only to regret it. I told her she should’ve known better. This was not the first time it happened. Her response was “yeah youre right, I didn’t think and I took the bait” and my reaction was to solemnly nod and say, “a fish’s mistake”

hate putting on and taking off my contact lenses everyday Like why can’t they just be infused onto my eyeballs?

whenever I go through an entire tag on ao3 and I decide to go through it again with lower expectations, you will not catch me reading an AI generated fic. My standards may have lowered but my respect for hardworking, suffering authors definitely hasn’t.

SOMEONE COMMENTED ON THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OF ONE OF MY FICS AND OMGGGG IM REVIVEDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it’s really funny when I find a new media and theres these two characters whose whole vibe in canon is supposed to be: “dont you dare put these two together, nuh uh, if you do, then Bad things will happen. Putting them together is a violation of three amendments, the bill of rights, federal law and humanity.” And then I look the two up on tumblr or ao3 and they’re the most shipped in the fandom. I truly love these kinds of ships.