@aspecpplarebeautiful / aspecpplarebeautiful.tumblr.com
"For a while I believed that there was a piece of me missing, I didn't understand why I didn't feel the same as everyone else, what everyone told me I 'should' feel. I'm so glad I have this community, that has helped me to realise my sexuality and my worth. We deserve to be seen, to be celebrated like anyone else. Sometimes I still doubt myself, and start looking for that missing piece, but now I know there are others that understand what it feels like."
this quilt square was shared anonymously!
Hello I was away from the community for a long time. But when I came back all the confessions blogs I followed became inactive or were deleted. Do you know any that are still active and where I could send asks ? Should have probably said that earlier but I am a very sex/romance repulsed aroace who regularly get annoyed by it on top of dealing with other problems. So anonymous confession blogs were really helpful for me.
I haven't been very active on Tumblr lately, but putting this here to ask others. Does anyone know of any good active confession blogs that might work for Anon's purposes?
Trying to figure out if I’m acespec. Checked out about a billion library books about it. I’ve been called sex-obsessed and a tease by partners in the past, so the idea that I’m maybe acespec feels scary. I feel like I don’t deserve that word because I’ve wanted/had sex so frequently in the past. It feels like people who knew me then wouldn’t believe me being ace. I identified as arospec for a while, but a shitty ex convinced me that’s not my word to use. I don’t want to be disrespectful to the aroace communities and misuse words that aren’t mine. Being autistic also doesn’t help with understand the definitions of the different kinds of attraction. Idk, I just feel really confused and lost.
Like truly wth even is romantic attraction? The term only brings to mind cheesy lowlit candlelight dinner scenes from 80s movies. That’s can’t be what they’re talking about, right? Like that sounds god awful, is that what they’re all talking about as their ideal peak of romance? Red flowers? Who gives a shit what color the flowers are?? Why does that matter!?? what are they on about
The first thing I'm going to say here is that nobody owns ace spectrum and aro spectrum labels. There's no authority here, no council, no ace and aro pope on high who gets to decide who can use these labels or not.
They are free to use to anyone who thinks they might find them useful or helpful or help describe their experiences. It's OK to experiment with them, or to try them on and see how you feel using them. And even if you identity with one of these labels for a bit, realise later that actually that label isn't right for you and doesn't really describe you, and you decide to drop it, that's just exploring your identity. And it can be a really healthy process. And in fact I would say being confused on what romantic attraction even is is a possible sign someone could be on the aromantic spectrum.
It sounds like you're still pretty early in the questioning phase, the most useful thing here might be to just find ace and aro spectrum blogs or sites and just read up on people's experiences. I'd recommend Carnival of Aces or Carnival of Aro which were monthly blogging events, and looking through their archives depending on what interests you. It can also be a good way to find blogs by people who are actively involved in the community.
Arocalypse is a great aro-themed forum you can check out, they also have a good FAQ.
If you're sex-obsessed and want sex, you may want to focus more on sex-favourable asexual blogs, in fact I recommend looking into that term specifically along with cupiosexual (someone who does not experience sexual attraction but still desires sex). And seeing if their experiences resonate or not (though keep in mind even sex favourable asexuality and cupiosexuality are big spectrums and nobody is going to match every experience.)
Sometimes seeking out allosexual (someone is not asexual) and alloromatic (someone who is not aromantic) experiences and perspectives can be helpful to. It's my experience that allosexual/alloromantic people tend assume similar experiences a lot of the time and leave a lot unsaid when it comes to what they're experiencing internally romantically and sexually. Finding descriptions of things like sexual/romantic attraction, desire, etc. from allo people can sometimes be really eye opening.
Unfortunately for a variety of reasons gatekeeping does seem to be on the rise in ace and aro communities. Do your best to ignore it, and try and keep in mind most of the community will be accepting and welcoming. But also remember that you're the only one who knows your own experiences and why you're exploring certain labels or why you might relate to a specific label. You're the expert and authority on your own identity.
Hopefully this is helpful and gives you some direction to go in. And feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions.
I know this blog hasn't been very active lately, unfortunately life has been hectic. Hopefully that changes soon, but in the meantime I do still keep and eye on the ask box.
All the best, Anon! Good luck!
A comic about my aegoromantic experience I did for #aroweek in last February and forgot to post here!
Note: You don't need to find a specific label to validate your queer identity. You can have as broad or specific definition as what you're comfortable with, and you don't have to have an analysis of your identity to give to anyone else. It's no one's business but yours, at the end of the day.
For me personally finding a label that fits me perfectly was a relief. Like I've been holding this puzzle piece in my hand for a hot minute and then I finally find the place for it. Like if I found my hole.
I don't need this label to to explain myself to others. It helps me to contextualize my experience and to find my place in the ace/aro spectrum and in the queer spectrum. And I made this comic in case there are others like me, looking for that perfect hole :D
I'm demisexual...but in more of a fluid or flux way? Like...sometimes I'm attracted to someone right away and my feelings deepen as I get to know them and other times I gain attraction after I've known them for awhile (months or years). Is there even a name for that?
Demiflux might be worth looking into. It basically means someone who's orientation fluctuates but still generally identifies with the demisexual label. (So for example maybe someone's orientation fluctuates but stays or generally stays on the demisexual spectrum, or maybe someone who is on the demisexual spectrum to the point of identifying with the label).
(Because this label is basically combining the aceflux and demisexual label, it has a few varations too, including demiaceflux, demise-aceflux and demisexualflux. They all mean the same thing.)
Duosexual is having two sexual identities that you switch between. You can also combine them and identify as duo-demisexual if you wanted to (or however you want to combine them).
Demisexual spectrum could also be an option if you want something a bit vaguer and with a bit more flexibility.
You can also keep using demisexual on its own if you prefer. It's up to you how much or how little detail you want to use when using labels. And what you feel works best for you.
Hopefully one of these is helpful. All the best, Anon!
hi, I've sent asks here before and I identify as cupioromantic and demiromantic
I've asked questions before about how I might know if I'm on the ace spectrum, but I'm still really thinking about it...honestly I think the closest term would be quoisexual(? Idk if that's a thing, ik there's a quoiromantic.. ), but don't know if I feel comfortable identifying as that...
I don't think I'm allosexual anymore though (which is scary to me, cuz I got comfortable using the umbrella term 'aroallo' around friends...) as I don't always have the same sort of attractions that I've seen people exhibit...I'm Catholic, so I do intend to save any sexual intimacy til I find the right guy and get married, but even then I haven't ever seen, like, a real person and thought "I'd do it" in, like, a serious way...like, I joke sometimes about fictional characters like "I'd let them hit" knowing that I mean I'd want a relationship with them first and to get married, but- I don't know...
And any time I DO imagine sex, it's usually sex between my blorbos, I've never really imagined myself having sex in any of my fantasies besides eventually getting married and having kids...(which I am kinda starting to question if I want any bio kids or if I just would like to adopt-)
Do you have any thoughts you could give that might help??
Sorry if this is TMI...
Quoisexual is a thing. It's very similar to quoiromantic in that it's a big umbrella term, and some of the reasons why people may use it can include things like finding the concept of sexual attraction or sexual orientation inapplicable, inaccessible, nonsensical, etc. Or not being sure if they experience sexual attraction or not, not understanding sexual attraction or sexual orientation as a concept, etc.
The LGBTQIA wiki has a good write up on quoisexual if it's a label you're interested in exploring more.
Other labels that may be helpful to look into:
Aegosexual, which means someone who experiences a disconnect between themselves and the subject of their arousal. So often aegosxual people are interested in sex, or certain sexual situations as a concept, and may even enjoy it as a fantasy or in fiction (for example erotic fanfic, porn, mature romance novels, etc.), but not as interested or even actively disinterested in participating in those situations themselves.
Another label is fictosexual, which is someone who experiences sexual attraction to fictional characters exclusively or significantly to the point it affects their sexual identity.
Sometimes when you're having trouble figuring out if you might be on the asexual spectrum, it can help to read experiences of ace spectrum people, especially their own experiences and how they ended up determining they were ace.
It can also sometimes help to find allosexual people talk about their own experiences with sexual attraction, sexual identity, etc. A lot of time allosexual people don't actually talk about their sexual feelings very much and it leads to a common assumption that everyone is feeling or not feeling the same things. Hearing or reading other people's experiences can often help either determine if other people are experiencing feelings you aren't, or help you put context and understanding to your own feelings (or even a combination of the two).
So hopefully this gives you some direction to go in, Anon. Good luck, and feel free to ask if you have more questions or want more help.
All the best!
