he has one eye. he has one horn. he can fly. he's purple. he eats people. i didn't say any names but he popped into your head didn't he.

fingers in his mouth friday‼️

I think sometimes a woman wants to fantasize about a big strong man who will protect her and sometimes she wants a sad, scared wet puppy of a man that she can protect and sometimes both of these men are the same person

honestly i never thought the phrase “i want that twink obliterated” was like a sexual thing. like when i read the phrase i imagine “a meteor like the one that killed the dinosaurs is summoned from the heavens and hits the twink in question” type situation

Wait, it's a sex thing? I've always assumed it was a supervillain giving his henchman orders to destroy the lithe young hero invading his evil lair.

Yes exactly!

incorrect heated rivalry: 1/?

incorrect heated rivalry: 2/?

broke: Connor and Hudson are the exact opposite of their characters

woke: Connor and Hudson are who their characters are inside; Ilya is secretly a big tender softie and Shane is secretly a giant freak

logging into tumblr like yes i love women and my hobbies include yearning and being silly.

david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.

every reread kills me a little bit more

reread and enjoy <3

when you drink all the wine in the house and then you have. :( no wine in the house

me when i excuse myself during a dinner party to sneak outside and milk more cabernet sauvignon from the Creature

had food poisoning when i posted this

Well if you'd pasteurized the Cabernet Sauvignon you milked from the creature maybe you wouldn't have gotten food poisoning from it.

oh suddenly everyone's an expert on the Creature i milk

outside of the obvious reasons why the hollanov relationship reveal must be crazy to shane’s parents, it’s gotta be wild to them that their shy, awkward kid is dating the league slut. their kid, who cannot even say the word “sex” without blushing, has been fucking a man whose sexual reputation is a topic of conversation. for a decade. they are in fact on a sexcation together. if you want to see them, you need to text them that you’re on your way there, because even if they know you’re coming in advance, they cannot keep their hands off of each other long enough to properly keep track of time. david hollander sees things start to heat up between them and knows instantly that they have probably fucked against every window in that extremely glass house.

idk i’m obsessed with how shane bringing ilya home is not just him coming out as gay, it’s him coming out as an experienced sex freak.

Connor & Hudson calling each other babe/baby

so there’s this trans wizard and no one can remember the wizards pronouns and we’re all to scared to ask cuz the wizard has a pretty short temper and the wizard might curse us or penis blast us if we ask the wizard for the wizards pronouns or mess up the wizards pronouns so we all just call the wizard ‘the wizard’ in place of pronouns

#the wizard’s pronouns are the wizard and the wizard doesn’t even notice that everyone doesn’t know the wizard’s pronouns

unfortunately for me… the symptoms of both carbon monoxide poisoning and Being A Genius can be the same

Crushing news: shrinkflation so bad the funny number has decreased from 69 to 67

Vikings didn't have horns on their helmets but I bet if you showed them a single modern Viking depiction they'd all start doing it like gangsters imitating The Godfather

@rashicora iconic