@britonell / britonell.tumblr.com
I am in HYSTERICS
A witch is a magic user with more focus on medicine and the body and a wizard is a magic user with more focus on like physics and academia. I don’t know what dingus made up one day that they’re just the 2 magic genders, that sounds stupid
witches = magic doctors, wizards = magic researchers, artificers = magic engineers, alchemists = magic chemists, sorcerers = magic youtubers
What about warlocks?
[deep, deep, deep sigh]
magic sugar babies
Not to brag or anything but I think I made it. Famed artist Michelle Obama offered to commission my rarepair crossover dead dove fic on ao3.org
To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.
oompa loompa doopity dare
the court finds you breached your duty of care
oompa loompa doopity disk
that’s what the courts call assumption of risk
oompa loompa doopity do
only a partial judgment for you
Oompa loompa doopity doubt,
The rest of the class action lawsuit is hereby…
Air Himbo
Water Himbo
Earth Himbo
Fire Himbo
@crvggio I’ve been laughing at this for 47 years
And the Avatar
Reblogging again because that last addition is IMPORTANT
But when the world needed him most, he pulled the wrong lever...
Why do they even have that lever?
Well done everyone, 10/10 post
In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.
If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?
Because it's also evil
Thanks!
Have scientists figured out what dark matter is yet?
Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.
Wow!
What happens if you eat 23 packages of peeps?
You meet god
Thank goodness!
What's the correct way to eat a banana?
Whole, in one gulp.
Delicious!
Who is the Muffin Man?
Father of the Muffin Boy
Makes sense!
Why is my car making a ker-klunk noise?
Car's haunted
Uh Oh
How to fix a haunted car?
Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour
It worked!
Where does the wax in scented candles go?
into the sky, where it turns into stars
Cool!
Why are weddings so damn expensive?
priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him
....Ah
ChatGPT WISHES it was this coherent and creative
why haven’t I seen anyone posting about that giant fucking baby penguin in Melbourne that’s bigger than some of the adults already
his name is Pesto <3
this bastard weighs 46 lbs at 9 months old. he’s 22 lbs heavier than his PARENTS
OMG I SAW THIS LAD IN PERSON AND LOST EVERY OUNCE OF SHIT I’VE EVER POSSESSED
Look at him!
Also he was separated with one of his parents when I saw him but obviously wanted to Be Where The People Penguins Are so they’d set him up with a little rock stool so he could gaze upon his brethren:
Which enabled me to capture the single funniest video I’ve ever taken of anything in my life:
All hail Pesto! The king of chonk!
He's adventurous, cheeky, sings to the caretakers who clean his enclosure and has been seen CANOODLING with a penguin named Pudding.
And fucking handsome too—look at him striking a pose with his new look!
And fucking handsome
too—look at him striking a
pose with his new look!
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Y'all omg, look at him in his awkward teen phase
Nothing hits like "romantic couple and a third guy who's not dating either of them but is definitely a part of this dynamic"
Wait is that THIS cat?
IT IS
Turns out the scheming eunuch's love for you is genuine
tag that make me frantically dig my earbuds out of my pocket in this public restroom
i love listening to my fiancée drawing
“no stop” “oh no i didn’t mean to do that” “wRONG LAYER” “wait go back” “what line is that?!” “cAN YOU– [irritated noises]” “oh you…bastard” “what..layer is that on??”
she’s so cute djksfh
A gift for your fiancee
oh my god dkfjdhgksdjk
recently came across some plates and bowls that would be perfect for a children's hospital
Me stepping out of the optometry office after slamming four lokos with the doctor and immediately meeting the love of my life (but I have social anxiety)
