you are somebody’s baby, some mother held you near

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

https://www.instagram.com/selkie/p/DI0GpAsxvqO/?img_index=1

when can we get a yuri slop sports show. about idk volleyball. or something

Me when somebody says meatloaf

if any minors are following me

always make sure to start forging parents' signatures on the first day of class. that way, your teachers won't know that you've been forging signatures for the rest of the year

hey I'm seeing some concerned parents and teachers in the notes, and I just want to say:

lmaooooo

I am home from work and I am pooping on the toilet now

No one taught me how

let me show you

bad post guys

how it all feels lately

So many characters that should’ve been butch ….

would die for a fresh hot corn on the cob rn

i forgot where i was. cock on the cob i guess

corn on the cock. i hate it here

im gonna fucking corn on the kill myself

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

You guys aren't going to believe your fucking eyes

I’m going to sound insane for a sec but I feel like people are forgetting that casual players of Minecraft exist. The other day I saw someone talk about how no one uses mounts anymore because everyone uses elytra’s and it’s like HUH?? What are you on about bro 😭 wtf are you on about. Getting a horse used to be the biggest deal to me and it still is. Today I got into an argument about how Minecraft isn’t a game about colonialism because unless you choose to play as a colonist than it’s about love. It’s always been about love. No one is forcing you to make villager farms that’s all you man. I am just building a house and enjoying myself

minecraft just dropped the news that they're revamping all the baby mob designs and they're all adorable but the new chicks in particular are so cute it makes me wanna frow up

just look at this promo pic, they knew they had to put that diva front and center