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The gif on my header is from this gifset by @namtan
Currently watching Dare you to death, Me and Thee, and Burnout Syndrome Currently rewatching: Jack and Joker, and The heartkillers
Masterposts: The Heartkillers meta - (bl) Art analyses - Hidden agenda meta
Specific show tags: Me and thee opinions tag - Dare you to death opinions tag
besties are we ready to face the reality that it will be five years since bad buddy later this year
In episode 6, when Joke takes Zo to an arcade, They make a deal and agree that if Joke can win 10 games, Zo will open his heart to him. While they are having this conversation they stand in front of a banner/sign, and in the corner of this, we see a little logo with the words “game over”.
In the broad shot, this logo looms in between them while they are talking. The "game over" could be foreshadowing for the fact that Joke loses. He doesn't win the 10 games and doesn't win the bet [hold on, can you win a bet?]. But it also summarizes their whole agreement and conversation at the moment, as no matter how the bet turned out, someone was going to lose something. Either Joke doesn't win the 10 games and loses his chance to find out how Zo really feels, or he does win, and Zo has to confess his feelings. Zo had been keeping his feelings inside and seemed to be battling himself to come to terms with them. Facing and voicing these feelings is losing the battle against his little hope/hold of restrain and repression
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or dont want to be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
The earliest confrontations that we see between Zo and the result of his mothers rules is in the car after his mom picked him up from school because he got into a fight with Puen. She says in the car that she'd never expected something like this from him and that she feels like she failed as a mother. Zo explains later that his mom had never told him that she was proud of him, but the moment in the car seems to be the moment where he felt like he had disappointed her the most. It was the moment that he started to try even harder in school because he never wanted to disappoint her again. He wanted to make her proud.
The earliest account of Jokes family dynamics we see is when he gets accepted into college but doesn't feel the desire to tell them after he finds out that they're busy planning his sibling’s graduation. He had seemed very excited at first, but when Grandma told him about the graduation, his demeanor shifted. He seemed to get smaller as his excitement decreased as well. He measures his accomplishments to his siblings’ and since Bachang (im not sure if they’re his brother or sister) has a honors graduation coming up Joke feels like his college acceptance isn't important and won't matter or be worthy in contrast. Joke has stood next to, or rather below, his siblings all his life and feeling like he isn't enough isn't new for him. Every time a sibling did something well, it felt like he had to achieve the same, if not more, to be acknowledged.
Zo's disappointment was attached to one failure and occasion, but Joke has felt this defeat for everything he has ever done. Although this makes him more adapted to the feeling and more able to deal with it, it does complicate his relationship with his parents further. It feels like there is no way for him to ever prove himself to his parents because all he has known is disapproval or slight acknowledgment.
It has become so prevalent in Jokes life that he prepared himself for his parents' judgment before he even told them. We see this when Zo points out in episode 11 that Joke never tells his family about anything that happens (like him being in the debate championships); Joke is so scared (and expectant) of the possible negative or dismissive reaction he might get that he doesn't even tell his family at all. In episode 12, when Zo visits Joke while he is at his family home Joke’s dad asks Zo if Joke caused him any trouble and that he knows Joke is a bad kid. Joke looks deadpan at his dad. He doesn't even seem hurt, like this is a regular occurrence at home; like he always gets dismissed. Zo hops to his defense, explaining that his first impression of Joke was rather negative, but as he got to know him Joke has helped him a lot. This insinuates that Joke’s dad doesn't know him at all and is still building off a first impression level of knowledge on who Joke really is.
Where Jokes parents never seem to care, Zos parents seem to care too much (well.. his mom, but we don't see that much of his dad). In episode 5, his mom comes over to his condo and complains about the state of his apartment, and starts cleaning for him. When he visits home in episode 10, she is pushy about how well he is doing at school and tries to get them to pull an all-nighter for the sake of practicing together. Not only does his mom expect certain things, she is there to force/motivate him to do it. It might be easy to see this help as care, but the way she goes about it creates an environment where Zo feels he has to push himself beyond what she vocally wishes for. He wants to make her proud, and since abiding to her wishes has never enough for that, he pushes himself further.
It might sound disheartening, but the fact that Joke's parents never outright expect anything, always too busy with his siblings, means that he never seems to have a hurdle to cross. He is permanently stuck in a state of perceived underachievement with a feeling that he will never be better, never good enough. In contrast, Zo is stuck in a state of permanent compliance, with a feeling that he can do better, and thus, he must. Joke might still wish for his dads approval and love, but he has lost all hope of getting it. Zo seems like he has a goal, to surprise his mom with his skill and make her proud (it's just unfortunate that achieving this goal requires Zo to go beyond burn-out).
We also see this reflected in what they tell each other after meeting their parents. After telling Joke's dad about how much Joke has helped him Zo says that he can see that Joke's dad loves him and encourages him to verbalize it. Joke’s dad stays silent, and Joke exclaims that his dad wouldn't understand as he drags Zo out of the room. This whole time, Joke had been telling Zo not to try and defend him and not to insinuate that his dad loves him. It feels like a losing battle to Joke and one he doesn't even want to try and face. He seems to have accepted that his dad doesn't care and is just trying not to let it affect him too much. In episode 5, Joke goes over to Zo’s condo and meets his mom, who was also visiting. Joke talks with Zo's mom, and, like Zo will also do to Joke's parents, he compliments Zo. He talks about Zo's achievements and how much he cares for him. When they are together again, Zo says “Why did you praise me so much to my mom? Now she'll expect even more from me.” It appears that Zo is chasing a moving goalpost. He is trying to complete a sisyphean task; anytime he gets close to making his mom proud, anytime she might think well of him, she keeps thinking he can do more. It is likely due to her job as a teacher; she spends her 9-5 encouraging kids to put their all into the things they are assigned. Neverending pushes to be better. She brought this mindset home and
But why does this matter? (jesus christ, i completely lost the plot while writing this, sorry)
Hidden agenda draws a lot of parallels between school and queer identity (most importantly, the relationship the characters have with those two). Joke’s family dynamics aren't as tied to his academic achievements as Zo’s are, but the parts of it that we see vocalize themselves in relation to school. Joke has accepted that his family doesn't care too much about what he accomplishes because it pales in comparison to his siblings and won't change his parents' mind about the kind of person he is. He has developed a pretty individualistic mindset where he seems to care about noones opinion on him (except maybe he cares about what Zo thinks of him). Because of this, we also see him be a lot more low-key about his sexuality. He isn't openly/out as gay but also doesn't pretend to be straight. He answers questions when asked but doesn't make a big deal about any aspect of it.
Zos' big disappointing moment (the fight with Puen) was a result of him coming out to Puen and admitting his feelings. Because his mom was so upset about the fight and Zo connected his feelings as being the catalyst for the fight, it adds onto Zo's idea that his crush on Puen wasn't okay (which Puen also made him believe). In episode 11, Zo's mom tells Joke that, like his father, Zo hides how he feels. This is because when he did give into his feelings and admitted them to Puen, everything went to shit. Ever since then, Zo has been trying hard in school so that he might make his mom proud and earn the right to be vulnerable. He hasn't come out (to anyone) because he thinks that would lead to disappointment.
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or dont want to be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
I think Tawan should have been worse, actually. I dont think he should have been redeemed. But not because Aran shouldn't go back to him or deserves better or whatever people are saying. No, I wanted them as they were. Toxic, codependent, and unwilling to let go. I needed them to be the worst match made in hell.
The way to make their relationship better (in a logistics manner) wasn't to make Tawan a better person. They should have shown how desperate Aran was. Why did he cling to this piece of shit? Show me all the ugly stuff he went through. We got so close when Aran begged Thee to help Tawan, but then they just completely abandoned any interest that they had built up for the sake of empty redemption.
If you're going to make Perth play a toxic asshole then at least commit to it. No one has delved into the full potential that that man has yet.
There has been a lot of stuff written and pointed out about the way that Hidden Agenda uses food to symbolize queer experiences and attraction, but one of my favorite symbolic uses of food is in episode 5.
Zo's mom and Joke visit Zo's condo at the same time, and Zo's mom cooks for the two boys. One of the dishes that she cooks is rather spicy, and although Zo handles it fine, Joke is struggling. He is not used to this kind of food (this level of heat). We see throughout the show how persistent and pushy Zo's mom is in her manner of parenting. Joke experiences the opposite, with a dad who doesn't know him that well and thinks he is such a screwup that he doesn't bother to encourage any kind of improvement. Thus, Joke is not used to Zos mom's techniques of spoken expectations and suffocating motivation. Zo's mom pushes Zo to pull all nighters and to give everything he has for the sake of debating and academia. When Joke comes in contact with such a high-pressure environment; when he is thrown into such a hot space, he stratles, and it burns him. The food is as hot as the expectations that Zos mom has for him. Zo has grown used to this, but to Joke, it's a harmful suprise.
Zo helps him, offering water, handing him tissues, and showing him alternative options so he can still enjoy the meal with them. He manages the situation at hand and changes the approach to one that Joke can handle. Even though his mothers techniques have influenced how Zo studies, he doesn't tutor Joke in this way. He sees Jokes boundaries and abilities and doesn't push much further; assessing the situation to best accommodate Joke when he sees they are taking it too far.
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or dont want to be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
The feelings they entrusted to Peach...Thank you for loving me, and for letting me love you.
I tried to write it in a way that you dont actually have to have read The goldfinch to understand my point :).
The roselle juice pact between Joke and Zo in episode 1 (and it partly just being swapping spit) reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books. The quote is from The goldfinch by Donna Tart (which i think is most known for being an infuriating reading experience and because the film adaptation is part of the “Finn Wolfhard queerbaiting trilogy” (together with Stranger Things and It)). In chapter ten part 26 the main character (who is now grown up [;the book spans a large part of his life]), Theo, watches a movie about a pianist with Pippa, the girl he calls his first love and spends most of his life obsessing over without ever really telling her (he is mostly attracted/attached to her because he lost his mother in a bombing when he was an early teen where Pippa was also present and never dealt with the grief in a healthy way). He went to see the movie with Pippa because she loves music but after looking over at her and seeing that Pippa is upset Theo realizes that the movie is only reminding her of the dream that she could not pursue because of the ptsd from bombing. Pippa would play the role of Nita in this context [we'll get to that].
During the movie we get this passage:
Tom cable is a boy Theo used to be friends with when they were in middle school to early highschool, he wasn't the best guy and had a bad influence on him. When Theo's mother dies in the bombing and his life gets difficult Tom is quick to abandon him. His role in Theo's life reminded me of the type of friend Pleun was to Zo.
Boris is a friend (and more, although Theo and his internalized homophobia never admit that) that Theo finds solace in when nothing around him makes sense. They meet after Theo moves in with his father after his mom died. They spent most of their days together, quickly growing codependent and are even each other's first sexual experience (as well as many more, although numbers are never specified). They end up splitting up as well in what is sort of a tragic—doomed by the narrative—plot point. But later in life when they are both adults Boris returns to find Theo and makes up for a mistake he made when they were teens. Boris would play the role of Joke [hear me out on these comparisons, please]
During the scene that I quoted Theo makes it a point to describe the pianist as a weirdo and tells us the disgust he feels towards him. This only after seeing that Pippa wasn't enjoying the movie. It is Pippa's sadness that makes him rethink his perspective on the pianist. He describes the interview as a socially unacceptable and horrid action right before comparing it to his own interactions (both with queer undertones). This disgust towards the pianist (and after the comparison, towards himself as well) that was motivated by Pippa's emotions show how big the role is that Pippa plays in Theo's perspective of his own life (and in ways his queerness). Theo had clung to his attraction to Pippa as evidence of his normalcy. They went through similar things and she was (as he describes it) an “ordinary-looking girl he’d have chosen to be happy with”. If she can be happy and normal then maybe he can be too, if only they could be together. He doesn't actually stand a chance with her, but it is the chase, the hope, that gives him purpose until he finds a new goal.
Similarly at the beginning of the show Zo's character is focused solely on debating/school and Nita.These two are immensely important to how Zo shapes his view of the world and himself. Zo was certainly attracted to Nita but the way he went about it was, in both senses of the words, rather queer. He liked her but clung to that liking in the face of rejection and loss of interest from both sides that felt like an attempt at heteronormativity. He took his liking of her and treated it as a safe haven. When he started developing feelings for Joke he clung to the fact that he also liked Nita; that he had a chance at normalcy.
The bonding moment that Theo shares with Tom Cable (“pressing cut thumbs in the darkened backyard of his house”) is childish. It is something boys do influenced by what they see on television or read in fantasy books. It is a clear sign of how life seemed to Theo before he grew up and before the accident. When life wasn't serious yet Tom Cable and Theo were able to get along, but Tom Cable wasn’t willing to sustain their relationship beyond childish fantasies. When Zo confesses his feelings to Puen he puts a name to what they had both been experiencing. Puen later admits that he felt the same but couldn't quite face this yet and thus he retorted to shutting Zo down and pushing him away. It was the reality of their relationship that Peun couldn't accept, he didn't oppose any of their shared experiences but when Zo started taking it seriously, acknowledging it as more than just childish fun, he backed away. Tom Cable and Puen both play an important part in Theo and Zos view on relationships with men; providing them with a framework that puts emphasis on hiding their feelings and not expressing the truth of their relationship towards the other man, in fear of rejection or having misjudged the situation.
When Joke and Zo start getting close, Joke follows Zo's lead for the most part. He pushes Zo to do new things but only within the bounds of what Zo needs/wants. Joke indulges in the things that Zo claims would help by focusing on academia (debating) and Nita. None of it really helped the underlying issues that led to Zo's self worth balancing on a single toothpick (the still prevalent damage from Puens rejection and his mothers expectations). He wasn't exactly moving forward, but what Joke did helped him in the moment and made the situation (stress about NOVA and the fear that his crush on Nita was hopeless) feel more bearable. The way that Boris helped Theo was a bit more extreme. He and Theo coped with their situation by doing drugs and various other stupid things. Nonetheless it was what kept them busy at the time and made the situation they were in feel better because they—traumatized teens stuck in a shitty half abandoned town—couldn’t do much else. The bonding moment with Boris that Theo mentions (seizing my hand, bloody at the knuckles where I'd punched him on the playground, and pressing it to his own bloodied mouth) spoke of this stupid indulgence. It was red, messy and aggressive, like their relationship was as well. Their pact didn't shy away from what they were together and to each other. In a similar fashion Joke was never scared to admit the reality of his relationship to Zo. The Rosella juice pact is a clear establishment of the early part of their relationship as being very transactional. They spent time together because they were exchanging services and Joke adds a literal (kinda) agreement that sets in stone that that is how things are. But when their relationship changes, when they start to develop feelings for each other, Joke is once again there to point it out. Admitting his feelings in episode 5 and clarifying that he likes Zo. Boris and Joke are brass, unafraid to speak of the truth and impulsive in their care. They contrast Tom Cable and Puen by being vocal of what they think. It is this contrast that helps Theo and Zo to break down their preconceived notions of what a relationship entails.
Boris doesn't give Theo the kind of happy ending that Joke gives Zo. The goldfinch isn't a book about happy romance, it's the story of a tortured man told by said man. The way he describes his relationships to men is clouded by his internalized homophobia and we get lil to no satisfaction from this story. The book ends right at Theo's lowest point. Sure he resolved the major issue of the story but he is only barely alive (having been saved from an overdose by Boris). The book ends right at the point where Theo would be able to get better and build a proper life, but doesn't show us that. In contrast, Zo is able to heal. With the help of Joke and through his own perseverance he improves his mental state as well as physical situation, and the show ends with a beautiful recap of how good their life is now, leaving the viewer satisfied and content. But I suppose that is where the difference lies between a 800 page Donna Tart book and a gmmtv bl. One simply has more space reserved for fluff.
Please do not read the goldfinch just because of this comparison (or the other way around). They are actually nothing alike (ᵕ—ᴗ—). But like my favorite professor always says: stating obvious similarities doesn't actually provoke intelligent thought. It is when you have to stretch the concept/media to be able to compare it to the other, that new ideas and insights arise.
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or dont want to be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
"I need to stop starting fandom projects so I stop disappointing people."
Stop treating yourself like you are the workers at a fast food franchise.
Your writing is a hobby, don't let it turn into a source of guilt, shame and frustration instead of a source of joy.
Or rather it is incomplete. It misses what is objectively the most important part of the composition; a focal point.
The angle/frame/shot [whichever it is] uses a one-point perspective whose lines and direction are emphasized by the table that Zo, Kot, and Pat sit at. The table comes out from the bottom of the screen. It isn't completely in view as it gets cut off by the edge of the frame. This touching of the edge and the part of the table that is not visible, connects the table to the space of the viewer. The table starts right at the point that divides the viewer from the scene and seems to move into the viewer's space. But because the table starts at the screen and then narrows down to the middle of the shot, it doesn't seem to move into the viewer's space but rather it seems more like the table is coming from us. Eyes are inclined to follow lines, and when those lines draw from the viewer inward, this effect is even stronger. It is similar to standing at the start of a straight path; the only direction to go is forward down the path. The table follows the linear perspective and narrows down to the stage.
There are other instances in the show where a one-point perspective is used. Joke and Zos date at the library, for example, uses the strict line of the book cases to create a clear path for the eyes to follow. However, Joke and Zo disrupt this path. The aisle that they sit in takes up a bit over half the screen, and they seem to be bordered between the shelves (creating a sense of closeness and intimacy). Before the viewer can read the frame (done from left to right in the same way one would read a text (in Thai at least, which i am assuming is the audience that the creator had in mind)) and move to the vanishing point they are disrupted by the large space that Joke and Zo take up, the space they carved out for themselves. It is this disturbance that shows that they are the main subject; separates from the rest of the frame. Disorder draws attention (which is also the reason that the composition in the ep 1 bar scene stood out to me).
In another instance, the lines of the linear perspective lead to Joke and Zo. The framing conforms to the general rules of one-point perspective, where the main subject is placed at the vanishing point. Because all the lines lead to this point, the eyes are drawn to it. It's a composition that has been used since Brunelleschi put linear perspective in mathematical terms. It is a classic that never fails.
These shots show us that the Hidden agenda is very aware of the compositional function of one-point perspective, and it makes the break with tradition in episode 1 stand out even more. The talking characters (Zo, Pat and Kot) are divided on both sides of the table; they don't disrupt the perspective lines like Joke and Zo do in the library, but rather they sit outside of it. It seems like this would indicate a distance, but the conversation they are having and gestures they make connect both sides of the table to each other. They each look to the other side of the table, landing the middle point between them in the center of the table. This is another line drawn towards the empty stage (#1 the vanishing point of the perspective, and #2 the middle of the conversation). Lastly, our attention is drawn to it again as the viewer constantly switches between Zo on one side and Kot and Pat at the other. As we follow the conversation, we keep glancing between them, our eyes going over the empty stage each time.
The empty stage truly would not be important or noticeable if it weren't for the fact that the viewer's eyes are drawn to it so many times in so many ways. It is confusing in a way; why would the frame want the viewer to look towards what is essentially nothing, so much? It raises questions about the importance of the stage or the separation between the characters.
But then our answer enters. This angle is abandoned for a bit as suddenly Joke enters the conversation that Zo, Kot, and Pat were previously having on their own. Joke does his little shit talking and almost fights Zo [whatever]. And then. He walks on and goes up to the stage. The confusing angle returns, but this time, we see Joke—at the vanishing point, between the talking characters, on the stage—setting up his guitar.
Now, with the empty space filled, it suddenly makes sense. The space wasn't accidentally empty, and the composition wasn't a mistake; it was anticipation building. People thrive for completion, so when a frame/composition seems like it is missing something, it feels unresolved and uneasy. When Joke comes in to finish the composition and fill the empty focal point, it not only puts focus and importance on him (despite being blurry), but it also feels satisfying. The hole has been filled, and the anticipation is rewarded. The moment reminded me of this poem:
Before Joke the frame has an uncomfortable (compositional) emptiness, and when Joke comes in to relieve this odd emptiness. It is Joke's presence that completes the scene; it makes us feel more at ease. And in a sense, it feels like he was always supposed to be there. He was missed without even having been there. Even tho he wasn't there the whole time, the scene at the bar was always about Joke.
Joke’s presence is as important as his absence is. The show starts when they meet, when Joke starts to have an influence on Zo and when an unknown hole in Zo's life is filled with the means for him to heal and grow. Zo's life wasn't necessarily incomplete before Joke entered. But something is added/changed when he starts to hang around Joke; something that the viewer had anticipated and was waiting for.
Oh, btw Gestalt is a psychology (founded by Max Wertheimer, Kurt Koffka, and Wolfgang Köhler) that redefined the idea of how people perceive things. A quote from Koffka’s book describes it well: "The whole is something else than the sum of its parts, because summing is a meaningless procedure, whereas the whole-part relationship is meaningful." So the whole isn't made up of elements. Rather, elements are deconstructed from the whole. We judge what we see based on how it relates to and fits into the grand sceme :)
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or dont want to be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
The thing about bad buddy brain rot is that there are other brain rots out there. There is stuff that bewitches you mind body and soul. There are new things that you live love and feel that giddy over and it WILL feel unique and special and change you. But at some point you will compare it to bad buddy. You'll think about how the brain rot compares to bad buddy. You'll make parallels to bad buddy. You'll talk about how it deals with things differently. It will be its own unique thing. But bad buddy will still be on your mind one way or another
In the episode 1 bar scene, when Joke finishes the song and Zo finishes his drink, Zo slams his empty glass down on the table. The angle at which this moment is shot shows us a brief flash of Joke on the stage before he gets blurry and the focus shifts to Zo's hand as it puts the glass down over the space where we could first see Joke. This shot connects Joke's presence and song to Zo's decision and impulse to get drunk. Zo's empty glass obstructs and conceals Joke, making him fade in the distance. It is a representation of Zo's intentions. He wants to get drunk to the point that he is no longer aware of Joke. To the point where the warm buzz and haze in front of his eyes blocks out any sign or thought of Joke.
Thank you @airenyah and @naamashemer for still being interested in Hidden agenda content, eventhough its been like three years. If you want to be tagged in upcoming HA posts, or want to not be tagged anymore, let me know <3 )
