not triggering, don't worry <3
personally, in the late stages of my ed i didn't even have a goal weight anymore. i just wanted to get as low as possible and still - it was never enough. it wasn't enough when my heart didn't work as it should've, it wasn't enough when i lost my period and it wasn't enough when doctors threatened to hospitalize me if i lost any more weight. i guess in that sense i was in a similar situation.
so let me tell you something: if i've learnt anything, it's that no number will ever be low enough for your ed. even if you reach your goal weight, once you hit it, you'll still want to go lower. you'll probably feel invalid throughout most of your recovery as well, that's just how this disorder works. but that doesn't mean that what you think is true!
because really, you should start recovery regardless of how much or little you weigh. anorexia nervosa is a mental disorder, not a weight-disorder, even if many doctors don't take you seriously if you're not underweight. it's useless trying to wait until you're ready to recover or deserving of recovery. that day is never going to come. you have to choose to recover now - despite thinking that you don't deserve it, that you're not sick enough, that you still weigh too much. not everything you think is true. because you deserve a healthy and happy life. a recovered life! so do it. give recovery a chance. you deserve it. <3
