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Maximize Velocity

@danco110

Amateur mtg shortfic writer. He/him. Icon art by Svetlin Velinov, card art for Maximize Velocity. Background art by Noah Bradley, card art for Izzet Guildgate

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“Hey, Kenneth.”

“Hey, Demetrius.” The viashino nodded in greeting to his friend, as he donned his goggles, tail guard, and knee pads.

The human standing off to the side folded his arms judgmentally at the other Izzet. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Yes,” Kenneth assured him, while mounting the hoverboard floating beside him.

“Have you even…what’s the word…tested it yet?”

“Huh? Aw, dang. I knew I forgot some-”

The hoverboard suddenly flared to life and shot forward. The sudden momentum propelled Kenneth directly into a brick wall, knocking him unconscious. He crumpled to the ground, his board smoking and sputtering as it shut down.

Demetrius smirked, and shook his head at Kenneth’s prone form. “Remind me again why you’re my boss, and not the other way around?”

[Hi. I write short stories about Magic cards. Stories are tagged like this one, and by plane. Any story I can’t find a plane for generally defaults to Shandalar. Also hey, I now have a non-mtg reblog blog @danco111!]

“Iland. Get your beast under control.”

Yeah, yeah! I’m on it, Veszka.

A bare-chested demon flew into view, narrowly blocking the hellion leaping from a crystalline wormhole. Its teeth grazed harmlessly against Iland’s ashen gray skin, eliciting a tired laugh from the fiend.

There! Under control. Pretty good, huh, Veszka?

A Selesnyan loxodon turned up her trunk at the question. “Your ‘pet’ is horribly behaved. Doubtless you starved and tortured the poor thing until it lashed out.”

What?” Iland abandoned his somewhat diplomatic tone in favor of a more typical demonic growl. “Sure, maybe Rift here could do with some more training. But mainly, he just smelled the Plaza West food, and wanted something to eat.

“Yes. I’m sure one of the innocent bystanders would have made for a great snack.”

No, he only eats…well…I guess imps count as- Anyway, you’re one to talk! What about your walking plant back there?

Veszka did not deign to look over her shoulder at the massive plant hydra looming behind her as she snorted in amusement. “My darling Vivid is the talk of the town! And she’s much better behaved than your…wurm.”

She’s attacking someone right now.

“Hmm? Oh, Vivid, dear, let the poor man go.” Veszka finally turned around, and made a halfhearted attempt to pull her pet plant away from a hapless traveler. “Play nice, now!”

Iland shook his horned head at the scene, and turned away to tend to his own pet. Rift hung halfway out of a wormhole, eagerly eyeing a sausage abandoned by fleeing pedestrians. “Oh…you know what? Go for it.

Rift eagerly attacked, darting forward and biting down hard on the cured meat. Half of it remained on the ground, where a vine curled around it and brought it to Vivid’s flytrap maw. Ironically, this unsettled Iland.

I…guess Selesnyans aren’t against having carnivorous plants. Although, I suppose I could’ve guessed that from that poor guy.

Vivid licked its lips free of blood, uncaring of Veszka berating it.

[Eh, technically Riftburst Hellion hasn’t attacked anyone yet in its art. There’s always the chance it’s just eyeing some food carts or something…maybe.]

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☀💀🌳 Chromatic Scion 🌳💀☀

Ixhel, using only colors from the Ibispaint default palette and a size 3.3 digital pencil brush!

Winter Study

The sound of a stylus tapping on a wax tablet was getting annoying. Unfortunately, Malkonia was the one annoying herself.

The tablet had been an initial gift from High Marshal Celino Guitirre, a member of the Legion of Dusk who was missing an arm like she now was and who had taken her under his remaining wing. She had been relearning how to write from her lessons with her aunt and was beginning to learn the Torrezone script and native languages from either the High Marshal or from Glorifier Abano. Glorifier Abano was a nervous-looking man who was just as tired as every other medic and healer that Malkonia had met, including her aunt.

Right now, she was curled up on the cot, using her own coils to help keep the tablet steady while she figured out how to string the words that she wanted together. She was making a solo attempt to put her feelings to wax just to get them out of her head. But nothing that she wrote put all of her feelings into words; the relief she felt knowing she was not alone and didn’t have to learn everything again all alone, the fear she felt that she’d never figure it out again, the ache of the cold seeping through her scales and into her bones, the renewed feeling of loneliness of being somewhere she didn’t know too well, even with people she did know... It went on and on. The longer she thought about it, the more overwhelmed all of her feelings became.

Finally defeated, Malkonia tossed the wax tablet (very gently) onto her cot, crossed her arms, and quietly pouted.

Her mother looked up from the book she had been reading. Hythonia the Cruel was no healer, but she had listened to Glorifier Abano’s instructions on how to help Malkonia with adapting to her disability. “Finally offended by the wax?” she asked in Therosian, raising a brow.

Malkonia smiled sheepishly and retrieved the tablet. “No, Mother. Just frustrated.”

Hythonia flipped to a new page in her book. Malkonia could read a bit of the title, something about love and lampades. She had once snuck into a different part of the cave and found it full of written poetry expounding on the virtues of love between women. She had read a page of one and grown so embarrassed about it that she put it back and didn’t ask her mother about why Hythonia even had those. “Perhaps you should go outside for a bit,” her mother finally recommended. “Put on your layers and go clear your head instead of glaring at the wax until you melt it.”

That was probably the best idea. And it let Malkonia uncurl for a little while. “Will do, Mother,” she said as she slithered off of the cot and went to retrieve another two layers. Getting dressed was thankfully rather easy thanks to the fact that most of it was just cloth. She couldn’t imagine trying to put on armor like the Legionnaires wore one-handed. The High Marshal had a puppy trained to help him with his, but he also knew how to actually put them on to begin with. The closest Malkonia had figured out so far was that there were buckles and straps.

Once her layers were in order, Malkonia dismissed herself and escaped out to the streets of Alta Torrezon. She was getting more used to the baffled looks that everyone gave her, but she had been lucky enough to not receive any threats so far. It helped that she had been out a few times with the High Marshal to test her new balance while slithering at a higher speed. She still couldn’t keep up with his exultation, but she at least wasn’t sliding directly into walls anymore.

The ground was cold, wet, and covered in a slush of what used to be snow. Water had melted and then refrozen into icicles and icy puddles among the stone of the streets. But in theory, spring was on its way, when it would grow warmer again and the snow would return to rain. People spoke around Malkonia, their voices melding into one another until it was just noise. She pulled the hood further down over her face and serpents. She slithered until she happened to look up at a nearby wall and realized that she recognized the woman sitting there.

Lily of Thyrsus was perched almost like a bird on top of a snow-covered half-wall, writing in a fairly large tome and occasionally looking up at a nearby building with a furrowed brow before she went back to writing. Malkonia listened to the scratching of the pen across the paper and was surprised to find a song. More hesitant strokes broke up the longer and smoother ones. Despite the weather, the goddess still wore the same blend of robes and armor as she had when she was called to help Malkonia.

Malkonia was surprised that the goddess was still there. She had seen glances of Lily over the past few weeks, but the young goddess seemed to slip through the streets of the capital like a shadow. When Malkonia finally bothered her aunt into agreeing to let her see one of the dawn services that the Church of Dusk held, Lily was present in the back of the room, writing notes in that ever-present tome. It seemed like everyone who needed to know that a foreign goddess was present was aware yet didn’t take issue with it, and Lily was merely observing things open to the public with a furrowed brow and a pen that never seemed to run dry. But she was always gone before Malkonia could talk to her.

But there the goddess sat, unbothered by the cold, writing away like a poet deep in thought. Malkonia hesitated for a moment before she slithered closer and made sure that Lily could hear her.

Lily looked up for a moment when she heard Malkonia approach. She offered a smile that made Malkonia forget how to speak for a moment. “Hello Malkonia.” She slid down from the wall and landed lightly on her feet. “How are you feeling?”

She was quietly thankful that Lily had given her a question. She could answer that, at least. “The pain’s not as sharp as it was before, but it’s still present.” She tilted her head. “Are...you not cold, Lily?”

“Ke veveia ochi, of course not,” Lily said, waving a little dismissively. She had spoken in Thyrsian first and then reflexively translated it. Malkonia assumed that this was a habit she had built up over time. “Snow and I are made of the same thing, and I don’t have the whole freezing of the blood thing to worry about.”

“Made of the same thing?” Malkonia repeated. She looked at the icicles and the slush and the snow. “Water? Even if you are, that doesn’t mean you can’t get frostbite or something worse. That targets the skin and muscle, not the blood.” Glorifier Abano had taught her a lot about cold-based injuries once he heard that Theros had no such winter and no such training. Before she realized what she was doing, Malkonia reached out and took one of Lily’s bare hands in her own, turning it over to check for discoloration. She did not see any indication of frostnip having set in yet, but better safe than sorry. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Lily blinked a few times, then nodded her assent. “As you wish.” As she fell in step with Malkonia’s slithering, she asked another question. “Are they treating you well here?”

Malkonia nodded. “Of course! I’m...a little surprised by that, but I think Aunt Menea is doing enough that people are accepting that we’ll be here for a little while.” Menea was also representing the interests of Theros overall when it came to speaking with important Torrezone people like the Saint. She was the most likely person to pull it off, after all.

Malkonia herself had gotten to see Saint Elenda exactly once since arriving in Alta Torrezon. The Saint had been speaking with Mavren once when Hythonia brought Malkonia with her to speak with Mavren. Malkonia had been stricken by the Saint’s beauty. Everything about her, from the soft gold of her eyes to the wisps of grey among her dark hair, spoke not just of the divinity that she bore but also of her years of life and experience. She knew who she was and what she sought to teach the mortals who followed her, exactly as Malkonia’s mother and aunt did. The Saint was more than just beautiful; she was radiant, awe-inspiring, elegant. Malkonia had stayed silent out of worry that she might say something foolish.

Looking at Lily, Malkonia did not see that same certainty, but she saw a similar kind of divinity. Lily was a goddess closer to Malkonia’s age than to her mother and aunt’s. It was hard to tell if she was powerful, but it was clear to see that she was beautiful and inquisitive.

Malkonia realized that she had been staring. She shook her head slightly to try and get her mind back under control. “What brought you back to Alta Torrezon?” she asked. It had turned into a back-and-forth between them, one question for another.

Lily shifted her tome and pen into one arm to carry them more comfortably. She looked sheepish, like how Malkonia so often felt. “I find the architecture here to be very nice, but I don’t think my artistic abilities are good enough to copy what I see in them.”

“Can I see?” Malkonia asked, slithering a little closer to try and peek even though the book was closed.

Lily readjusted her grip again and opened the book. “Please don’t laugh.” She flipped past pages of writing in a script that looked like an older version of the Therosian script that Malkonia was learning and a bunch of strange symbols across the pages until she got to the last one she had been working on.

Malkonia studied the page. There were...certainly drawings on the page. One of those scribbles was probably meant to be the roses that were depicted across every building. Which meant that the lines around it were supposed to be the bricks of the wall.

“It’s...closer to an attempt than I can do right now,” she finally settled on. It was the most diplomatic way she could have put it.

Lily sucked in air between her teeth and closed the tome. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Like I said, I am no artist.”

“At least you’re making an attempt,” Malkonia offered. She didn’t laugh at Lily’s attempt to try something new. Apparently even goddesses struggled with picking up new skills.

“An attempt that I will not be sharing with the mortals back home, that’s for sure. My skills and hobbies tend more towards studying, adventuring, and antagonizing my mortal friends than towards architecture and drawing.” Lily studied Malkonia for a moment. Malkonia tried not to grow flustered. “What about you?”

Malkonia’s cheeks remained warm. “I help tend to the plants and bees in my aunt’s garden. And I’m studying to become a healer like she is. And just...generally studying to learn more of how worship of the pantheon goes now.” She reached up and tugged her hood down more as a cold wind came through. Lily didn’t shiver even though Malkonia herself did. “Seeing the different clothes across different planes is really cool. And...one time a trader came to Skathos and left behind a drawing for some kind of race across some other planes. The chariots they used were fascinating, there weren’t any animals drawing them but they still seemed like they were moving quickly in the image.”

“Chariots without animals drawing them...” Lily trailed off for a moment. Malkonia saw the exact moment when her description clicked. “Oh! The vehicles in that Ghirapur Grand Prix, right. I don’t yet know much about how they function, but I quite enjoyed the Amonkhet team’s work during the race.”

“Amonkhet?” Malkonia repeated. She got the door to the hospital-cathedral open and slithered in alongside Lily.

“It’s a desert plane. Sand and undead as far as the eye can see. Beautiful place,” Lily said, her voice lowering out of respect for the place they were now in. “I keep intending to head back, but I still have other work I need to do in the short term.”

Malkonia couldn’t help it. “Like drawing ‘buildings’?” she teased.

Lily laughed softly. Malkonia was slightly overwhelmed by how beautiful the goddess’s laugh was. “Or just making a valiant attempt to.”

Hythonia looked up from her book as Malkonia returned. She sized up Lily just like she had when Lily brought Malkonia back to her. “Lily of Thyrsus,” the elder gorgon finally greeted. “A pleasure to see you again.”

Lily bowed at the waist, keeping her tome pulled against her chest. “Lady Hythonia of Skathos. Likewise. How are you faring in this Torrezone winter?”

“Not particularly well. Theros has not been this cold in a very long time,” Hythonia grumbled as she returned to reading her book. “What of your plane, Thyrsus?”

“My mother’s plane,” Lily corrected, almost automatically. She shook her head. “We get winters like this one, but that depends on the year. This year we just have a ‘nippy’ cold rather than an overwhelming freeze.”

“A far more preferable type of weather to this one,” Hythonia agreed. Malkonia was surprised that her mother was getting along so well with someone, considering...well, it had been at least Malkonia’s entire life since Hythonia last received a guest, based on the fact that the statues had been in place from the day Malkonia hatched to now. “Though I suppose I would complain less were I home. Traveling is not something I enjoy. You seem like you have no such qualms.”

Lily smiled. Malkonia tried not to grow flustered upon seeing that smile again. “I consider myself an adventurer,” the goddess said with a small nod. “I have a certain restlessness that contributes to it.”

A certain restlessness. That was certainly a way to describe the emotions that Malkonia had been feeling ever since she followed Mavren on his pilgrimage. She wanted to keep traveling, to experience the lands and oceans of not just Theros but other planes as well. She knew that she was supposed to be training to become Skathos’s steward like her mother, but... “What’s it like?” she asked Lily before she could stop herself.

Lily considered her answer. “Do you want the realistic answer or the poetic one?”

“The realistic one.” Malkonia had gotten used to sleeping outside during her first trip.

“You get very used to uncomfortable sleeping and non-regular bathing. And eating trail rations, whatever you can hunt or gather, or whatever you can steal. Or just starving. That happened quite a bit before I started working with an adventuring party. You have to think ahead and plan a lot more than people imagine. It is not as simple as just grabbing a weapon and walking down the road. Especially if you are traveling alone or with people you don’t know very well.” Despite this, Lily smiled and Malkonia’s heart skipped a beat. “But when you are traveling with people that you trust, people who have proven themselves reliable both in combat and in adventuring, people who want to travel and to travel with you specifically? That is the greatest part, in my not-so-humble opinion.”

At this, the yearning in Malkonia’s heart only grew.

Consequences VII

Teeth sinking into flesh. A cry of pain. Blood trailing from claw marks. Fresh bruises. Blood for blood, the lesser sacrificing for the better; these were the two true rules during training. The vampire was weaker, so he was forced to give more.

The hyenafolk growled as he woke from slumber. Another dream focused on their old coworker, the one who managed to get away. The one that he wanted back. He reminded himself to be patient, shook himself out, and rolled off of the table that had served as his medical cot. New membranes stretched across the bone wing frames. The stingers protruding from his lower back were sharper now, just like his claws and his teeth. At least the resurrection magic had brought him back to full fighting fitness despite who he and his spark were now bound to.

Arkuan’s footsteps were audible as he prowled through the new base that he and Flair had set up. Wooden floor, wooden walls, wooden roof and ceiling. Suspended in the air through the same magic and architecture that Eldraine’s storm giants used. Hidden from sight with misdirection enchantments stolen from the Obscura and Court of Omission alike. Isolated from the ground so that their quarry wouldn’t be able to use his own abilities to escape.

It also wasn’t hard to get a handful of mooks and minions. There were always people willing to do anything you ask for the right price. Others could be “convinced” through Flair’s practice. The humans – of course they were all human, there were so many of them that it was easier to send them to various planes to handle things themselves – worked in the base on the various dipshit duties that Arkuan couldn’t be bothered to keep track of.

Arkuan knocked on the open door to Flair’s new lab. It was quite similar to her old one in the Realm of Judgment and looked like a Simic doctor’s wet dream. Every operation table had straps to restrain someone that were enchanted to completely block any magic, internal or external. Arkuan had gotten them during the duo’s recent trip to restock as a “gift” for the doctor. Flair herself had gotten him a new machete to make up for the sword that had been left behind when they left the Realm of Judgment.

Flair looked up from her notepad. She grinned too widely. Her scorpion tail flicked around behind her. “Arkuan! Here I was thinking you might actually sleep in today.”

“Not when there are more things to plan.” Arkuan invited himself in and leaned against the wall. “Any clue where the little bastard ran off to yet?”

Flair didn’t have to ask who Arkuan meant. “Can’t get anyone to slip to Torrezon without being immediately pounced on by those bat demons. It’s a shame, I’d love to capture one and study it. Slowly take it apart and all, you know how it is.” She continued writing something that Arkuan didn’t bother trying to read. “He didn’t run off to Towashi or Innistrad again. Good chance he’s hiding somewhere in New Capenna though, that seems like somewhere he’d be.”

Arkuan snorted. “So close to the Realm? I doubt it. He’s a coward at heart.”

“Could always lure him out though.” Flair tapped her pen against the paper a few times. “Not with the younger brother, he’s a bigger threat than our idiot employees can handle. Gotta look out for the old man too. And that wiggly Omenpath guy.”

“Too many people to look out for,” Arkuan snorted. “Though if we worked together on a grab...”

Flair flashed him a grin. Her teeth were as bloodstained as his own. “Aww, so you do like me.” She flipped around her notepad to show him what she had been writing.

Arkuan leaned down and squinted at the paper to make out her horrid handwriting. “...Drugging and paralysis venom that can affect both holy beings and the undead? I’m so glad we’re on the same side. The little bastard won’t know what hit him.”

She snorted. “I mean, he will. It’ll probably be your fist.” She turned the notepad back around to keep writing. “You want first dibs on the stepdad? If not, I’m gonna test a few things on him so we don’t have the bias of everything we’ve already done to Swift.”

“As far as I care, you can make him dance and rearrange his rib cage to play as an instrument while he’s forced to watch. My claim is on Swift.” Arkuan suddenly became aware of how possessive he sounded.

Flair also noticed. “Touchy touchy touchy. You can keep him, you’re just responsible if he breaks out. I’m not making a leash for you to put him on.”

Arkuan snorted, though his thoughts lingered on that for a moment. Maybe not a leash, but something else that would make it clear to Swift that Arkuan was in charge again...the multiverse was full of objects that could keep a mage contained, after all... He shook his head. “Something to pick up next time we restock supplies, then. We need to put someone in the capital to watch the stepdad, see if we can come up with a good time to grab him.”

“I’ll put out a word to our more stealthy mooks,” Flair promised. “Maybe I can remove the blood from one and reanimate them to send... That’ll keep everyone from pouncing on them just for having a pulse.”

Arkuan took that as his cue to leave. As he stalked down the wooden hallway, he slowly grinned.

It was only a matter of time before he and Swift could pick up their “training” once more.

Pain. Searing pain. He couldn’t get free, he couldn’t run. All he felt was pain. Metal and bone and claw and tooth digging into skin. Arkuan towered over him with a sadistic grin, claws dug into his sides, and-

They woke up on the floor. They took a moment to realize that the scream they had heard was their own. They grimaced in pain as they grabbed the old couch and hauled themself back up onto it. The blanket they had been using was kicked down to the arm near where their feet had been.

Their body ached. Especially the stumps where their arm and leg had been. They disconnected their prosthetics and removed the anchors so they could rub the spots and work some healing magic in to try desperately to soothe the pain. Their hunger curled in the pit of their stomach and whimpered. It could smell the Halo-free vampires nearby and it was hungry.

“Swift?”

They flinched at the woman’s voice saying one of their names. It took them a moment to remember who they were around. “Hey Umi.”

The other vampire kept a firm grip on her cane as she pushed off from the wall to approach them. “I heard your scream. Are you okay?”

I’m fine- They caught themself before they lied. Umi deserved honesty. “I was...stuck in a memory,” they admitted slowly. “Woke up on the floor. But I’m not harmed and I wasn’t attacked.” They reattached the anchors for their prosthetics and sunk their magic into it. The pieces of their right arm and left leg returned to their normal positions. Their magic took the place of the joints and granted them more mobility than a flesh-and-blood arm or leg. “Sorry for waking you up.”

Umi snorted quietly. “As if I wasn’t already awake from my own stress. I’ve been working on restoring Maestros records and trying to keep it from vanishing from fae bullshit so much” – she yawned for a moment and then kept speaking – “that I think I might be going mad.”

Swift wondered if they could convince Lazaro to adopt Umi. The two were very similar, and Umi could do with a paternal figure. Swift couldn’t be that figure themself. They also yawned before they responded. “Well, that makes two of us.” They rubbed their face. They weren’t likely to get back to sleep, not with their hunger still whimpering. “How about we make some tea?”

Umi nodded and got up to head over to the small kitchen area. She retrieved her kettle and filled it with water, then put it on to heat it up. She began quietly digging through the cupboards to get clean cups, sugar, and tea leaves.

Swift took a few more minutes to calm themself down so they weren’t reflexively breathing again. Then they stood up and joined Umi in the kitchen. They reached up to get the cups down since they were taller than Umi even without wearing heels.

The actual process of making tea was simple and required a bit of waiting, but the two vampires returned to the couch and sat down so they could both drink it. It wasn’t enough to silence Swift’s hunger since it wasn’t blood, but they tried to ignore that. They tried to soothe themself as they slowly drank the tea.

They were safe. They were free. They were away from the Honorable Judge. They weren’t under Her control. Arkuan and Flair were gone for good.

Right?

You have twenty-four hours to solve this murder. Then, I declare war on- Agh!

Aurelia recoiled. Her head snapped back. A bullet had struck her square in the face, bypassing her armor. But rather than killing or even wounding her, the attack only seemed to anger her further. A small scratch on her cheek was the only reminder of the assault as she stared down the two detectives before her.

Proft. Etrata. I give you a chance. And you squander it like that?

A blue-coated detective with neatly trimmed facial hair, and the cloaked vampire standing beside Proft both shook their heads.

Surely you don’t expect me to…” Aurelia scanned their faces. “You speak the truth. Then the Rakdos must be-

“Kim, I swear there were two bullets in this thing!”

All three turned to the side, and saw two humans standing a decent distance away. A bulky man with mutton chops in a green jacket forcefully shook an odd looking handgun, while his partner - a bespectacled man with short black hair - admonished him in a level tone.

“Yes, Harry. There were. You fired one of them at the mercenary leader, and the second one here. Great shot, by the way, both times.”

“Oh, right. Thanks!”

“But, I’m afraid your heroics were less effective, here.” Kim gestured to the barely wounded Aurelia for emphasis. “And also, unnecessary. It seems she wasn’t planning…immediate violence.”

“Oh.” Harry seemed to deflate upon seeing the equally infuriated and bewildered Aurelia. “Well…what do we do now?”

“I believe someone mentioned an ultimatum, to solve a murder?”

“Oh yeah, we’re great at those!”

“Technically, no, we aren’t. Still, I suggest we help these two.” Kim nodded to Etrata and Proft, and received a nod back from the latter.

“Sounds good to me!” Harry chimed, before gritting his teeth and inhaling. He turned to Aurelia and muttered, “Oh yeah, sorry about that. Shooting you.”

The angel’s fists briefly tightened, but quickly relaxed. “Somehow…you two meant well. And it was such an outright failure that I remain unharmed…Twenty-four hours.

“Gotcha!” Harry confidently pointed a pair of finger guns at Aurelia, but received only another glare for his trouble.

“…Yes, this is Makoto, in the Outer District. My team has handled the rogue pyromancer-”

“AHHH! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!”

The Imperial samurai flinched, releasing the button from his radio and allowing his dispatcher to respond in a staticky, skeptical tone, “That screaming in the background doesn’t sound very ‘handled’ to me.

“Well. There’s not a fire hazard anymore. And we apprehended the pyromancer as well.”

So, why the panicking civilians?

“There was a-”

“HOW DID THEY EVEN MALFUNCTION LIKE THIS!”

“-a slight complication during the apprehension.”

And that is?

“Well. A good samaritan provided assistance in taking down the threat. A tech mogul of some sort, I believe, who defended herself with an array of thopters with shielding tech.”

The dispatcher’s voice turned somewhat amused. “All right. Let’s hear it, then. How did involving a - civilian - in an Imperial operation possibly go wrong?

“As I mentioned, we did suppress the threat. However, there was a-”

“I DID THE MATH TEN TIMES!”

“-a malfunction when some of the flames slipped past the shield wall. The thopters went rogue, and are…currently in the process of-”

“WHY DID I MAKE THE SHIELDS SO SHARP!”

“…You know what? You can probably guess what’s happening.”

And why isn’t your team helping her?

“Everyone else is down, either due to fire or thopter attacks. I’m currently taking cover and…assessing the…Oh, I know! I had to call it in!”

Phenomenal.” Makoto flinched as he heard the sarcasm dripping from the dispatcher’s voice, even through the radio. “Reinforcements are on the way. In the meanwhile, go out and help that woman.

“Right…”

Now!

“Of course!”

Makoto pocketed his radio, leapt out from behind cover, and sprinted toward the chaos. His panicked cries began soon after, joining those of the victim, though these screams did not transmit.

[I’m not a super frequent blue player, but it is a definite dopamine hit when you counter a big spell with a Mana Drain or Spell Swindle. And I can only imagine it’s similar with this one!]

“So who are you two, the greeters- Whoa!”

The Riveteers viashino leapt back, narrowly dodging two halberd swings from the furious door guards. She breathed a blast of green fire towards the pair, but one of them stepped forward, twirling her weapon to dissipate the flames even as she spoke:

“We’re not just greeters, Ognis,” hissed the more serious of the two elves. “We’re valuable security for the Cabaretti.”

“Oh, come on, Elizabeth. At best, you’re bouncers.”

“I don’t think regular bouncers carry polearms,” snickered the guard standing further back.

“So, fancy bouncers then, Kendall?”

Elizabeth and Kendall took one step in unison toward Ognis, then seemed to deflate, sighing at the claim. Elizabeth stepped back into line with her partner and leaned casually on her weapon, despite the recent violence.

“Yeah, but come on. The other families all get…”

“Enforcers,” Kendall listed aloud. “Agents. Heavies! And as you so eloquently put, we get…”

Ognis began to snicker, but quickly caught herself. “Wait. So, you’re just mad about what I call you?”

“Not just you. We’re a laughingstock to the entire city…Er, as an organized crime force, anyway. We work hard to maintain our reputation as socialites and-”

“Yeah, whatever. Look, far be it from me to advise an enemy, but…Who cares what I think? You guys put belt to ass all the time!”

“True,” Elizabeth sighed. “However, appearances are-”

Suddenly, a man tumbled out through the entrance next door. A hulking, muscular elf followed him out, brandishing a gilded cane and an angry scowl.

“And stay out of Gambol’s!” growled the bouncer.

“See?” Ognis laughed. “So, ‘bouncer’ or not, you’re mean. So quit cryin about it!”

Elizabeth and Kendall exchanged brief nods, before turning to the man next door. “Thank you!” they exclaimed in unison.

The other guard merely arched an eyebrow at the pair, before shrugging and returning to his post.

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Cornwall's Random Card of the Day 10/01/2026: Soaring Seacliff

Soaring Seacliff is a common from Zendikar, seen here in some commander thing.

They had to do a bunch of sort of "spell lands" for Zendikar, since it was a lands matter block, and lands need to do more than just make mana to be splashy. They tried having sort of kicker costs attached to the land, that if you paid, you can get a spell, but that led to people not playing lands and then losing, since they felt bad about playing the land without the ability. So they ended up making them just enters effects with no mana cost, that you always got, so they had to be minor.

This is minor enough to be free, but also big enough to be worth putting in a deck, which is a good balance for these lands. Most turns you can use having something gain flying, so it works whenever you want to play the thing.

I give it a Good Common Spell Land/10.

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i told a spider about hatred and it spun a web that clearly conveyed a sense of betrayal and disillusionment at the world

I LOVE THANTIS!!!!

My deck for her sucks shit because I don't know how to play Jund but she's a really cool card and I want to get better with her.

“Ugh…fine! Hey you! Come on, get in!”

The grumpy rhox rolled down his window and beckoned to a human running through the pouring rain towards his taxi. With a final splash through a puddle, she gained the haven of the backseat, shivering as she sat.

“Hey, come on, lady! You’re gettin water everywhere!”

“S-Sorry,” stuttered the soaked woman. “T-Thank you, mister.”

“Yeah, yeah. Where to?”

“Out of t-town. Steel Shores Motel.”

“Yeah, I know the place. Let’s go.”

“T-Thank you.”

“You said that one already.”

The rhox slammed his foot down on the gas, and the taxi roared to life. Soon he and his passenger were rocketing across a bridge out of town. He looked in the rear view mirror, saw the woman’s shivering expression, and gave a tired sigh.

“Ryan.”

“M-Molly…”

“What brings you all the way out here?”

“I-Informant. Meet with a reporter.”

“You picked a heck of a place for it! Seems like every other day there’s some gang violence out here!”

“Oh…S-So then why are you…?”

Ryan confidently tapped a finger against the glovebox.

“O-Oh…”

Molly remained tense, only relaxing as the admittedly sketchy motel came into view, only a few minutes later.

“T-The guy I’m meeting can pay…”

Ryan scanned his driver side surroundings and said, “Look. Uh…Just get- AHHH!”

“Hey, are you my- Whoa! Chill out!” A conspicuous leonin in a trench coat knocked on the passenger side window, scaring Ryan. He leaned in, and in a stage whisper asked,” You’re my informant?”

“No,” gasped the rhox. “That’d be my…passenger?”

One final glance in the mirror showed an empty seat, soaked and deserted save for a manila folder lying on the leather.

“That’d be the photos! And I understand, I never saw anything either. Here’s your money.” The cat reached in and swapped the folder for a heavy briefcase. “I heard a rumor you got intercepted before you could get out here. Glad to see that wasn’t the case.”

“Yeah. That…yeah,” Ryan muttered, ignoring the likely gift of cash in favor of staring at the wet seat.

A reminder for all Maestros agents - the annual service in honor of Lord Xander will be held this year at the newly-opened Memorial Museum in the upper Mezzio. Attendance, while not mandatory, is highly encouraged. Food and drinks will be provided.

“I give you leave to rest…That means you’re still under arrest, Miss Courtney.”

“Oh, come now, Lady Deveau! Even after my heartfelt performance?”

Silence fell over the concert hall as the last of the audience filed out the doors. This left exactly one spectator - an armored angel - staring down the performer onstage. The silence also served as the seraph’s response.

“Oh, very well. Away with you!” With a theatrical flourish, Courtney flung her dance partner of a life-sized wooden puppet offstage, behind the curtain. She then held her arms akimbo and sighed, “I still don’t see what exactly I’ve done.”

“Unsettled the good people of this town,” Deveau droned as she took the stage.

“Yes, yes. But art is supposed to disturb the-”

“That’s not important.”

“Hmph!” Courtney turned up her nose at the claim. “How very uninspired of you!”

“Just face the…”

Just as Deveau reached out to apprehend the culprit, Courtney took one step to the side. Against her will, Deveau followed suit, her arms now frozen in place to parallel the performer. Though this did little to stop her scowl.

“You dare ensorcel me!”

Courtney shrugged. “I’m not hurting you, am I? And besides, I’m going away forever anyway, right?”

“It wasn’t for-!” was all Deveau managed, before Courtney’s magic sent her pirouetting away. She spun several times and stopped with surprising grace, especially considering she was fighting the magic at every turn, albeit much to the conductor’s chagrin.

“No, no, no!” Courtney impatiently stamped one foot on the ground. “You’re too tense! This is a dance, not a fight!”

“…Not a fight?” Deveau growled, though surprise flickered across her features upon hearing this.

“Oh, please. I can’t beat you. I simply wish to have one last dance before I go.”

“I don’t dance.”

Courtney flashed a wicked grin. “For tonight only! You do…! And who knows? You might enjoy it!”

Deveau rolled her eyes. Against her will she rejoined the dance. Although, now, her movements were noticeably more relaxed.

[It’s not every day Puppeteer gets to buff an angel! Maybe not by much, but still!]

“Oh, venerable Jadzi, I come to you-”

“Seeking knowledge, yes, yes. Let’s just get this over with, Roberta.”

A pallid vampire, fully cloaked in Witherbloom robes, frowned at the oracle’s flippant tone. “You…know my name,” was the response she eventually settled on, diplomatically.

“Yes. I know everything about Arcavios - and its people.” Though Jadzi sat illuminated by a sunset, surrounded by a majestic ring of floating stones, she seemed more bored than anything else. Bored, and dismissive.

“…Okay.”

“Ask your question, dear.”

“Oh, right. Uh…What will the answers be for the written portion of-”

“It’d be easier if I just gave you a list.”

While Jadzi produced a sheet of parchment from her robes, Roberta finally gave in, and gave the elder mage a fanged grimace from under her hood. “I thought you wanted me to ask.”

“I changed my mind. Now get outta here.”

Roberta reached out, hesitated briefly, then finally accepted the paper. Sure enough, a list of questions and answers were scrawled in plain text. “Just one question, before I go.”

“Why am I so bitter?”

“…Yes.”

Still sitting cross-legged under the ring of stones, Jadzi leaned to one side and propped her head up with one hand before answering. “You - and everyone else, so don’t worry about ruining anything - only made the pilgrimage up here, to ask me about Strixhaven. Or something to do with that cursed college.”

“The school is cursed?”

“It’s a metaphor! Look around you, Roberta.”

Roberta obliged. The scenic view atop the cliff was truly majestic.

“See what I mean?” asked the oracle.

“I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Exactly. Arcavios is full of wonder and beauty! But Strixhaven is all anyone ever sees or thinks of her. It’s tragic.”

“Tragic? Why? Knowledge is the foundation of-”

“Forget I said anything. And mind your step on the way down!”

With that, Jadzi turned away, basking in the fading sunlight. Roberta stared for a final few moments, then turned away as well, to begin the long journey back to Strixhaven.

[Honestly, it’s kind of a shame that Strixhaven took up like 100% of Arcavios’s spotlight, and in the plane’s debut set to boot!]

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