There’s a spider in the corner of your window. Her name is Astrid. She’s saved you from contracting West Nile Virus in your sleep at least twice and is very proud of that fact. She knows this because those mosquitos taste a lil spicy.

Look if she's not prepared to spell out her achievements in a web like her great aunt Charlotte did, the lack of gratitude is really on her.

I had a really really bad gnat problem, didn't matter how clean my apartment was they were always there, I think something nearby made them a persistent plague. The ended up getting into one of my reptile enclosures and decided his bioactive environment was perfect for them too. So did a little cobweb spider. It took her a bit of time but she decimated those gnats. She now lives fat and happy with a little colony she made all herself.

She is a cherished member of the family who moved with me when I did. I considered her free range before but... I guess she's an official pet now. She's like a cat. Chose her human and we look after each other.