Reblogged
Pumps you full of nutritious thoughts using my stimulating anecdote
the sinless rat was raised in a isolated prudence-cube deep in the chaste waste and given zero access to desires or wonderment or frivolity. and yet it has derived the concept of self esteem from first principles. and yet when it closes its eyes it can picture a garlic knot. and yet and yet when it dreams it dreams of pornographic serial killer rpf webcomics.
You work in a SECRET LAB at the bottom of CRATER LAKE.
The SECRET LAB is funded by the U.S. DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
Every MONDAY you receive a fresh SHIPMENT of CADAVERS.
The CADAVERS all look alike. They are CLONE CADAVERS.
The CLONE CADAVERS look like HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON.
Your IMPORTANT WORK consists of 4 weekly CRITICAL TASKS.
TASK #1 is to ANALYZE the CLONE CADAVERS.
- Note which CADAVERS have DESIRABLE QUALITIES.
- Note which CADAVERS have UNDESIRABLE QUALITIES.
- Double-check that CADAVERS exhibit no SIGNS OF LIFE.
TASK #2 is to DISPOSE OF UNDESIRABLE CLONE CADAVERS.
- Deconstruct CADAVERS into constituent CADAVER PIECES.
- Process CADAVER PIECES using the CADAVER RECYCLER.
- Remove and catalog CADAVER BYPRODUCT PELLETS.
TASK #3 is to INTEGRATE DESIRABLE CLONE CADAVERS.
- Deconstruct CADAVERS into constituent CADAVER PIECES.
- Separate CADAVER PIECES by CADAVER PEICE CLASS.
- Process CLASS 1 CADAVER PIECES with the SYNTHESIS UNIT.
TASK #4 is to DELIVER the MAXIMALLY DESIRABLE CADAVER.
- Remove the MAX-CADAVER from the SYNTHESIS UNIT.
- Grade the MAX-CADAVER on the HRC-ELECTABILITY SCALE.
- Dispatch the MAX-CADAVER with the SUBMERSIBLE DRONE.
After completing your CRITICAL TASKS, you may enter the RECREATION CYLINDER and rest for the remainder of the WEEK while the SURFACE TEAM intercepts your MAX-CADAVER and uses it to prepare a fresh SHIPMENT of CLONE CADAVERS for you.
Your IMPORTANT WORK will continue until you produce a MAXIMALLY ELECTABLE CADAVER. Then the REAL WORK will start. Only then can the NEW HILLARY PROJECT begin in earnest.
Reblogged
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Bodie come on I do not sound like that omg bodie cut it out. Bodie stoppp hahahahahahaha one sec I gotta put you on hold. Hey there’s no tp in this stall do you have any over there. Omg girl thank you you’re a life saver. Yeah just put it under the stall. I love your nails btw. Did you know that people didn’t paint their nails until the 50s? Right? It’s like how that baseball player invented the high five or whatever. Haha it just goes to show I guess. things that feel timeless and universal are often anything but lollll. No I’m pretty sure it’s true I read it somewhere. Like in a book. Ugh I hate when toilet paper is two ply it’s like who do you think you are fooling I’m wiping my ass I don’t need a premium experience. You know they have to kill twice as many trees this way. Yeah it’s really sad. I try not to shit more than once every two weeks to be environmentally conscious. I know individual action doesn’t make a huge difference but I think it’s more about the mindset. Like if I can be frugal on tp then maybe I have the power to stand up to injustice in other parts of my life. Like my sister walks her dog in the winter without a sweater or anything for him and I just don’t think that’s ok. And after I started wiping less I finally had the confidence to tell her. We actually got in a huge fight about it. She said dog sweaters are tacky and I was like bitch they don’t have to be? If you care so much then design one that’s cute and professional? Like she literally works on fashion but whatever. Be the change you want to see in the world you know. But anyway her dog is basically bald. Like just on his head like he looks like a bald man. Like he basically has a combover. Get that pooch a beanie!!! I am so backed up girl. Are you still there? Hello? Rude. Okay hiii Bodie I’m baaack. Bodie you did not! Stop bodie oh my god Bodie you are a trip. You are a trip and a half bodie. Bodie!!!!
