protocol #1 is to Live

I have made some memes to commemorate the day

Official Post of Massachusetts

"You were terrible enough and enough of a public figure for your death to merit a Destiel News meme, but you were not noteworthy or influential enough for your death to merit a Crab Rave," is an uttered depressing legacy to have as far as terrible people go.

It was like the sun came out from behind the clouds...

yeah ok me

fuck that year, I need everyone to hit the showers

hitting the showers for like, decontamination purposes. you've done nothing wrong, you actually did something amazing making it through this year. which is why we should hit the showers as soon as possible. been a disgusting year

it keeps happening

drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree

its pitch black outside, and freezing cold. I think ill climb a tree tomorrow

you climb that fuckin tree right now

I’ve literally never seen this post on my dash when it is not after dark and cold as balls. I’m beginning to think this is a conspiracy to get us eaten by some nocturnal tree demon.

everybody put in the tags at what time you saw this

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

people talk about and excerpt the smutty passages from like romantasy booktok hits or whatever and sometimes it's to be "lol look at this embarrassing porn" and other times it's like a self-serious lit person being like "well certainly one can infer that the books' explicit erotic content is much of their appeal 🧐" but nobody is willing to do the real work of like actually discussing why these scenes are bad at being pornography and not sexy or titillating at all. i mean i guess clearly they are successfully this for probably literally millions of people so that's not quite the right phrasing. but it's like the reason i don't read this stuff isn't because it was written to be jerkoff material it's because it's lousy jerkoff material. and it's lousy jerkoff material in ways i actually think are somewhat interesting to discuss from a craft perspective such as an abundance of cliche and a tendency for individual character dynamics to disappear once the fucking starts and an overreliance on banal physical description of insert tab A into slot B. but nobody is ready for this conversation because either they think it's embarrassing or morally wrong that romantasy jerkoff material exists or because they have extremely low literary standards for jerkoff material. everybody on earth it seems falls into one of these two categories except, of course, Me And My Mutuals

Well, these tags by @purgatoryandme are something for me to chew on:

I think of all the 80s/90s b-grade sci fi and “romance fantasy” that I read in the early 2000s. I’d go back over each book and re-read the sex scenes. I’d tell people that I was uninterested if it went on for more than a page, and mostly I was*, but my god did I re-read those one to two paragraphs.

Anne McCaffrey, for instance, with her telepathic dragon dubcon. Did any of these have distinct characterisation or even actual descriptions of human anatomy? Nope. Are they, when viewed objectively, actually NON con rather than the ravishment they’re written/eroticised as? Yep. Is there a direct through line between that and the fact that I have a category of Star Trek fic saved as “Vulcan telepathic dubcon mindfuck”? Why yes, yes there is.

A different McCaffrey book has a non-telepathic sex scene that DOES have some actual sex choreography in it and I regret to report that even though everything about that book is terrible, like… two sentences of it resurface in my brain occasionally if I don’t have anything more compelling to fantasise about. It’s just. There.

So yeah. The romantasy sex might not be what I currently want in my jerkoff material, but the stuff I was reading well before I learned to jerk off was equally cringe and is still stored in my id.

*John Marsden’s Tomorrow When the War Began and In the Dead Of The Night being notable exceptions. Oddly although they were longer, and realistic / informative, and if you hand me a copy right now i could probably open to the relevant pages or close to (if it’s a second hand or library copy it already falls open to those pages), I can’t remember them as clearly. I do think of the snippet reflecting on the sensitivity of a guy’s nipples pretty much every time I WRITE about cis men’s nipples and certainly when I touch them. I hooked up for a while with a straight guy who didn’t react to nipple stimulation and he was always a bit ??? that I kept instinctively brushing over them, like I might be emasculating him. Sorry, my dude, John Marsden’s Ellie told me that nipples are an equal opportunity fun site. I won’t stay here if you don’t have a positive reaction to it but this is What Making Out Is Like, I read it in a book.

Its true as an adult you have to do everything tired

crying so hard night now. he is cute is that not enough to let him compete

enough about STEM. we've gotta start pushing the humanities again.

Department of Homeland Security had a data breach and now over 3,000 employees info has been released

Database the names and motherfucking faces.

DOX! DOX! DOX! DOX! DOX!

If anyone wants to counter with "These are real people with real lives!" They're just doing a job!", then maybe

FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO DEFEND THE GESTAPO

DOX ICE FOR BEING THE FUCKING GESTAPO.

FUCK ICE! FUCK ICE! FUCK ICE!

like how dare I have hobbies, right?

Lansia viva