full poem. original photograph by peter and barbara jenkins for national geographic, aug. 1979
from bigger dreams of mine
transcript:
i used to think i would never write this poem
i used to pretend to take showers. i used to read stories just like mine but worse so i would feel better (it didn't work). i used to break glass and stare at it. i used to have dreams where i'd be happy and wake up crying. i used to wonder what happened to the old me. i used to bite down on my tongue to stay quiet. i used to beg, please, not this, not now, not on a school night, not while your brother is in the other room, not not before i take a shower. i used to take really long showers. i used to think i would never be able to say it. i used to think it would be that way forever. i used to think my friends would hate me if they found out. i used to think it happened to everyone. i used to think i would never be able to let anyone see me again. i used to look bad on purpose. i used to sleep with earbuds in because if i could heard him i never would have slept. i used to cry every time i woke up in the morning because it meant i would have to do it all again.