i don’t know how to explain this, but ilya rozanov talks to his home appliances. do you know what i mean?
man apologizes to his three trillion dollar roomba when he accidentally kicks it across the floor
the espresso maker gives a ragged shriek and he nods, tired and understanding and “yes you need cleaning - i know"
if something catches him with an error code at the wrong time, his bitchy ass is imitating the beeps and then spitting “shut up”
shane once finds him deep in negotiations with the washing machine. much of the russian goes over his head, but he picks up on enough to know they’ve just entered the bargaining phase.
‘ohhh ilya’s an asshole. he's so mean blah blah blah.’ he’s literally thanking siri after she identifies weird, fucked up canadian wildlife noises for him. i’m sorry but he is.
willyoucometomycottagethissummer? don't go to russia come to my HOUSE we'll have so much FUN 🤫private🤫 👀know👀 it's so no one will we could have a week, or even 2️⃣
we'd be completely alone... ✨TOGETHER✨
this is probably the only sex gif i will every reblog, because for some reason i feel like it’s more than just sex. i don’t know if it’s how they’re actually looking at one another or the way they can’t get close enough. he’s actually looking at her like a person and not just a sex object.
but then again, it could be all in my head. i mean, this is how i would want it to be. but that’s just me.
I’m about 97% sure we’re not seeing the same gif
Most people after finally accepting and acknowledging their homosexuality: Okay time to explore this by meeting other guys and maybe try dating, figure out what I'm into, get some varied experience
Shane Hollander after finally accepting and acknowledging his homosexuality: Okay time to permanantly lock down the only guy I've ever kissed there is not a moment to spare
Tired: Wanting to find a gay male to be your best friend who never tries to sleep with you
Wired: Wanting to find a bisexual male to be your best friend who sleeps with you sometimes until he falls in love with someone else and becomes exclusive with him but continues to respect you and hang out with you and love you deeply in a familial way
A pretty convincing one.
# ILYA ROZANOV IS A COMEDIAN PT. 02
CONNOR STORRIE as ILYA ROZANOV HEATED RIVALRY (2025—)
ilya’s pre game captain speeches are one million times funnier when you remember that him and shane let what happens on the ice decide what they’re doing in bed later
ilya [knowing that him and shane have a deal that whoever loses montreal v boston tonight is doing a strip tease for the other]: im not fucking around guys. do not. fuck this up for me
