@internetgiraffekid1673 / internetgiraffekid1673.tumblr.com
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My blog will never be more important than your health. I'll still be here when you get back.
Pretty much all I do is make fanart, scream into the void, and reblog posts from people who are much funnier than me.
My art can all be found under the tag #Giraffe's Scribblings, and my text posts are under #giraffe's ramblings! Additional tags and info below the cut!
Wait but tell me more, what kind of math does our godforsaken measuring system make sense for? I'm horribly curious!
oh dear oh boy okay, I’ve tried to explain this to people and had them just get more annoyed, so I’ll give it a shot, but no promises that it will make any sense. Disclaimer also that I don’t really know what I’m talking about, I’ve just done a lot of baking, and ages ago I read something by Plato explaining why the musical scale is how it is, and I’m extrapolating from the two
(wow this turned out way longer than I meant it to because IT’S MIDNIGHT)
the metric system is a base 10 system, like most modern human math, so it is easy to use in the way people tend to do math these days - ie, by sitting down with either a piece of paper or a calculator and doing sums. It’s a good system for a lot of things, especially scientific applications where you need to be VERY precise and don’t want to waste time converting units, and need to do shit like calculus. It’s a highly rational way of doing it…if you are literate.
if you aren’t literate, or are less literate, it’s not a sensible way to construct a measuring system at all. If you measure something and come up with 367.45 cm, that’s nothing. You’re going to forget it, and you can’t easily divide it by anything, there’s no way to go from here
But consider the English Foot. We’ve all been working with a base 12 system without realizing it, and without really utilizing it for what it’s best for, which is easy mental division. This is where people get mad at me, they say math all gets terrible and ugly when you do it in feet, you end up trying to figure out how many sixteenths of an inch 0.135 is, or you end up with repeating decimals, and it all sucks super bad. To this I say yes, it does, because you’re thinking like a modern algebra student, and not like a medieval bricklayer.
The base 12 system of the traditional English foot is fantastic for mental math, because 12 is a highly divisible number. It’s easily divisible into halves, thirds, quarters, and sixths by most people in their heads. The inch is then typically divided into 1/16ths, which *super* suck to deal with on a calculator, but are really quite friendly if you just keep them as fractions like God and the Magna Carta intended. This is the kind of math most artisans need to do. You want supports placed evenly along a wall, to divide a piece of fabric in half, or to double a recipe. Nobody 1.7x’s a recipe. Metric would be great for that, but why would you do that? It wouldn’t be worth the math involved.
And listen, I also use a lot of metric baking recipes. Everything is in grams, you can measure everything the same way, and it’s super accurate. They’re great if you have a digital scale, but before the age of digital scales? Unfathomable. You (a medieval peasant) have a cup you’ve decided is The Cup, and sometimes you put in a half or a third or a quarter of that cup. THAT makes sense. Also, it’s a lot easier to double something that calls for 1 cup of flour than it is when it calls for 136 grams of flour, and this is for me, a person who learned math in the typical modern way and always has a calculator in their pocket. I would have the sourdough recipe I make every week memorized if it wasn’t in fucking grams. I DO have my pie crust recipe memorized. For every cup of flour you put in a third of a cup shortening, one tablespoon of butter, and start with 3 tablespoons of water (and a dash of salt). A double crust pie takes about 3 cups of flour, so that’s one cup shortening. Easy! A third of a cup of shortening in grams is 68.3333333. That’s nothing! That’s garbage!
“Wouldn’t it be more accurate to measure 68.3333333 grams, though?” Sure, but the amount of wet indigence you need to put in any baked thing changes with the fucking weather! That’s why this recipe says “start with 3 tbs water.” There’s no need to be more accurate, and in fact it would make things more difficult.
Okay that turned into a tangent about how to make pie crust, a thing I think everyone should learn because pie crust is delicious, but i hope you get the idea. TLDR sometimes you just want to divide things in thirds and have it not suck ass. The eldritch sigil of measurement conversions is a little less threatening if you realize every step up or down is a factor of thirds or fourths
fuck oh no another half remembered piece of pop science coming at you - the largest number a typical human can hold in their head *without language* is 3. You don’t need numbers to count to three, you don’t need to count to be aware of three, you can just see three things and say “that’s three.” Don’t believe me? That’s the whole basis of Roman numerals. The numbers 1-3 are representational, after that they get more symbolic, and you never end up with more than three of the same symbol in a row. After III comes IV, not IIII, and it’s just that III is much easier on the brain. For the same reason, a lot of English conversions are in factors of 4. There are 4 cups in a quart, and 4 quarts in a gallon, so you’re only dealing with measurements that are easy to hold in your head without counting. You never have to count out 4 cups if you convert. You either need 3 cups or 1 quart. Does that make sense? Anyone who has done Big Cooking should know that if you have to count cups beyond 3 or 4 it becomes very easy to lose track.
Now i’m not saying it’s all logical. It would be great if every step was a factor of 4, but they had to get fancy and throw pints in there. Pints aren’t too bad, that’s a factor of two, but I’ll be the first to admit that it makes no sense for one tablespoon to equal three teaspoons instead of four. But because this is a system that evolved over time instead of being constructed intentionally, you have to cut it some slack. I’m sorry to anyone who decided to read this, I should be in bed, but I actually care a lot about this and I swear it’s not just stockholm syndrome from Being American
This is the best explanation of this system that I’ve ever seen and I’m so grateful to have found it, because now I can shove it into the face of every person who whines at me about preferring Imperial measurements for cooking.
Pound cake, traditional recipe:
1 pound flour. 1 pound butter. 1 pound sugar. 1 pound eggs. (Roughly 8-9 eggs.)
Nobody is going to make 450g cake.
Also:
Teaspoons used to be 1 fluid dram, which is ¼ of a tablespoon, or 1/8 of an ounce. This was a widely used apothecary’s measurement - there are even smaller ones for medicinal purposes. (Scruples & grains are smaller than drams.)
In the 17th century, tea was EXPENSIVE in England, so tea spoons and tea cups were SMOL. However, in the late 18th century, the tax on tea dropped from 119% to 12.5%… so more people could afford tea, and tea-drinking accessories - the cups and spoons - got bigger. Eventually teaspoons stabilized at 1/3 of a tablespoon.
This is the only response to this bizarrely successful post that I care about
The responses to this are absolutely sending me because they’re all like “no, you’re wrong, metric is fine if you round and can do basic math!” And, like, yeah, that’s true. But this post is specifically talking about measurements developed by and for illiterate people who never learned basic math. Do you know why a yard is the length it is? Because it was the distance from a man’s nose to the thumb of his outstretched arm. An inch was the width of a man’s thumb, a foot was the length of his foot. Traditional imperial measures are based on the human body, designed for people who need rough uniformity and to gauge measurements without tools. The longer lengths are more complicated — a mile derives from the length of a Roman mile, which was 1,000 paces or 5,000 Roman feet and so was closely related to distance covered by marching legions (this one is a bit of an exception, as a state-defined measurement rather than one that comes from folk use, but that’s why it’s so weird.) An acre was the amount of land a team of oxen could plough in a day with a wooden plow. These are practical units for people who were mostly illiterate and innumerate and needed approximations they could eyeball or that related to how they actually used the land.
Weight is weird. The base unit is actually the grain, which is the weight of a grain of barley. But pounds come from the Roman libra (scale) weight and their system of measures goes back to ancient Mesopotamia and we don’t actually know what it was based on. Something that made sense then, presumably. But systems of weights were really not used outside of commerce and were measured by standardized systems of weights on a scale, so the merchants bought a set of standardized weights and used those.
The extra fun part, though, is when people started trying to standardize all these measurements. So, yes a pound was based on an ancient weight system but different merchant groups had different approximations of that that they standardized. So dry goods were sold with the wool pound and liquids were sold with the London pound and that’s how a fluid ounce and a mass ounce ended up different. And a wine gallon was 8 London pounds, divided into 4 quarts and 8 pints (this is why a pint of liquid weighs roughly a pound.) And then our volumetric measures for baking come because the artisans making drinking vessels roughly standardized the size of those for uniform sale of beverages at taverns and so on and *then* people who reached for the most convenient scoop at home grabbed their roughly half-pint cups.
you can easily count in base twelve on one hand by holding your hand palm up and using the tip of your thumb to count the three joints on your four fingers. two hands gives you twenty four units. very easy for cooking, sewing, and carpentry. if you use metric, one hand had better be holding a fucking calculator.
She has done everything wrong, she is trying her best and I love her SO FUCKING MUCH
It’s impossible to queerbait me because I don’t hope or dream for anything at all
"there is no way you're not using chatgpt for at least a few things here and there no matter your stance on it" what the FUCK are you talking about
I could write a huge essay on how Pirate101 tries, fails, and succeeds at getting around what I’ve been calling “The Jake and the Neverland Pirates Problem” but I won’t… because it’s nonsense.
Yeah okay sure.
Note: I’m gonna speak as if the MMO is a complete narrative work that ended in Valencia part 2. This is just for my own argument because everything after that is part of an unfinished story arc. Also keep in mind that I’m not reading KI’s mind, I’m speculating on story writing logic based on what I know as a slightly-experienced writer myself.
So, the “Jake and the Neverland Pirates Problem” is essentially just… how I’ve been defining the tension/push-pull between a story’s concrete subject matter and its tonal obligation/target audience.
It’s not like, just about pirates. You could use it for any tension between the realities of a story’s subject matter and the genre/rating/format constraints the actual narrative needs to follow.
Historically, pirates were not child friendly. Narratively, we associate them with family friendly entertainment way more than we should.
Hence, “Jake and the Neverland Pirates”.
Pirate101, at CONCEPTION, was already trapped in a weird tonal crossroads. The game obviously didn’t want to take the Jake route and more or less make you a cool guy with a boat and sword— but also, this is a game for children and we can’t actually just let them be criminals. How do you take piracy seriously (when it’s defined by an incredibly violent reality?) and also keep it accessible for younger audiences. And also keep it light enough that talking cartoon foxes don’t feel like a slap in the face.
It’s not a secret that the historical eras (yeah, eras,) that Pirate101 is based in were incredibly fucked up times, and I’m just gonna jump into my next point from that which is:
There’s a weird valley where you have to use implication to get certain ideas across because you’re writing for an audience/writing in a tone where saying things super explicitly will not work/break something/other vagueish concept here.
So, what does Pirate101 do? It doesn’t want to cheapen out and totally take the teeth out of the pirate concept, but it can’t exactly go full “Our Flag Means Death” (show I have never seen) and give an accurate account of the Age of Sail and lawlessness within it. If they made their very obvious stand in for Britain, or Spain, or Russia, they might turn some heads. Parents don’t like it when kid’s games talk about historical horror too accurately. That might come with some baggage. That might get too real. Lotta reasons here and I can’t read KI’s mind. They might have just wanted to fight robots. Just know that metaphor and implication is the main language here, as is with Wizard101, as is with most “family media” and media aimed at younger audiences.
But there’s a solution, and it boils down to everyone’s favorite man.
Kane is more or less loadbearing to how Pirate101 works and I’m not kidding.
Instead of directly placing pressure on its real-world inspired worlds, it delegates them to (for the most part) minor villains and occasionally comically bumbling idiots, which makes the player FEEL like a clever pirate outsmarting multiple empires. This way KI can get a critique and jab in (self important empire, pompous social rules that don’t make sense, etc,) while also having an exit point into a more vague metaphor— the Armada.
To be clear I am very much saying that it appears the choice was made, for tonal/rating/genre reasons, to keep the Spiral powers in a softer focus— a full confrontation of the realities they represent with full weight would make the game too dark, too fast. The game flirts with these things (often poorly) but it’s not designed to really hold them concretely. You really just cannot make empires THAT cartoonish and satirical and then NOT dance around them. Pirate101 is a satirization of the Age of Sail more than it isn’t.
So the game tries to avoid putting you in a direct, sustained, serious conflict against them. We can argue that this reads as hand waving or flattening. (It often does especially when it hints and nudges towards parallels to real-world awful things.) But from a pure writing standpoint I CAN SEE how this could function as protection to keep the fantastical fantasy of piracy as the main focus.
Back to the Armada. With them, the narrative has more free movement to play in the space of “moral ambiguity” or “lawlessness”, because the Armada is so cartoonishly evil, oppressive, and more importantly, NOT REAL. All that “other stuff” can be forced into the background and we are allowed to leap into something more fantastical at any time. They’re an escape hatch.
Most everything “criminal” your pirate does with them on the board is now justified. Their “morally gray backstory”? Yeah, they were arrested for treason, how scandalous— they were telling someone how they overheard the Armada doing something evil! Doing magic? Oh, the Armada is so HEARTLESS, magic is so important. You pick an option thinking it might be something a little bit dubious and are immediately absolved of guilt.
And thus the game goes.
You have multiple forces you’re up again— the other Spiral powers aren’t passive, but they act as roadblocks more often than not, and Marleybone even serves more as an ally, and the one REAL awful action you take (orchestrating the war) immediately leads into you going into the service of the Royal Navy. (And trust me I do dislike how good of a light Marleybone is painted in from this point onward, but that’s an entire other conversation.)
So all of this make the Spiral FEEL big, makes you FEEL clever and like you’re alone in a world that won’t understand/help you, while also placing all the pressure points on a villain that:
1. Isn’t alive (so when you cut down hoards of Armada, there’s no question of “wait did we kill all those guys?”)
2. Theatrically, cartoonishly evil (the more fictional and bombastic they seem the more they fit the tone of “talking furry game” rather than “furry political assassination and dying at sea)
3. Flexible for the story (might be slightly weird if Marleybone was the main villain and the story still was “get to el dorado and destroy the Spiral”)
Something related, not entirely a microcosm, is actually the tower of Moo Manchu— you can see the “sleight-of-hand” Pirate101 leans on here.
In the Tower of Moo Manchu there are the Nefarious Five and the Elixir of Power. You can choose to drink from it, and literally lose control of your player character. They’ll become “brainwashed” by Moo Manchu, be switched to the enemy team, and their moves will be controlled by a computer. For your efforts you’ll be rewarded a badge dubbing you “the Nefarious Sixth”, get some dialogue from Ratbeard about how “we all make mistakes”, and the dungeon proceeds as normal.
This lets the player try a “dramatic turn” on like a costume. Nothing actually happens, but you get to play with the aesthetic. It is, in essence, “playing pretend”. No one’s hurt. No one’s upset. It doesn’t follow you. You get to feel like something ambiguous is happening and the game doesn’t have to follow through and complicate itself when it really is just more concerned with the fantasy.
TLDR: what makes pirates pirates isn’t translatable to lighter tones easily. Pirate101, instead of scrubbing things and simply leaving cartoonish sword fights and boats, tries to preserve the structure of piracy as a social role by imitating the structure of the age of sail and delegating the main focus to a clear fantasy villain. This structure lets them hide darker aspects of their inspiration and setting.
Every time someone makes a fashion pinterest board for a character who canonically has no style and wears basically the same outfit every day of their life, an angel loses it's wings.
Gerard and I are so happy you stopped by, but we'd be even happier if you took a second to listen to your body and take care of yourself!Here's our check-in!
Put down your screen for a moment, and do some stretches! Roll your neck, reach your arms for the sky, extend out your legs, and twist your torso in both directions. If you have the time, take yourself for a walk! Actually touch the grass with your fingers. When you sit back down, make sure you're in a comfortable position before you return to scrolling.
Get yourself something to drink, and make sure you drink a whole glass of it. Water is best, but any fluids are better than nothing. Fill up a water bottle and keep it with you so it's there the next time you're thirsty. Pro tip! If you're like me and hate the taste of water, you can put flavor mix-ins in your water bottle.
Did you remember to eat today? What did that food look like? One cup of coffee does not a breakfast make. Try to get yourself some protein like beans, cheese, or eggs; a solid carbohydrate like bread, pasta, or oats; and a fruit or vegetable. But even if a snall snack like a granola bar is better than going hungry.
(Art by Alinas Watson)
Time to empty your bowels so they may be filled with compassion! Do you need to pee or poop? How about now? If you've got time and energy, now would also be a great time to take that shower you've been putting off.
Did you remember to take your medication today? Put your device down right this second and go take them. Did you do it? Fantastic! Now, are you running low? Go get them refilled! Right yourself a reminder to take a trip to the pharmacy and/or call your doctor, and set as many of them as you'll need to remember.
If it is after 11:00 p.m. or before 5:00 a.m. this is your sign to GO TO SLEEP. The phone or the game or the assignment or whatever will still be there in the morning, and your circadian rhythm will thank you. If it is not your normal sleeping hours right now, see if a power nap might be in order. Do beware though---sometimes napping makes it harder to fall asleep at night. And if you're on third shift, please accept my condolences.
Thanks for checking in! Before you keep scrolling, quickly ask yourself if you have laundry you need to rotate, plants you need to water, or pets that need your attention! Remember that self-care is never selfish, and that it's okay if you can't do it all at once. Any little steps you can take are still important and worth celebrating.
TRY THE ONES DOWN THERE MONKEY!
is this the prisoner we are looking for
ARRRR YOU'RE STANDIN ON ME BLIND SIDE ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL
VIOLENT GUNSHOTS
yarrrrrrr it's Deacon
Deacon pulls a gun and shoots a guy
yohoho that blast nearly did me in let's get outta here
ship boost noise
Some old freak: This is a PIRATE HAVEN not a CHARITY get out of my SIGHT
The Pirate: *chugs weird purple magic juice* BUUUUUUUUUURP anyways putting a crew together who wants in
50 criminals: MEEEEE
Some big ass rat: I poisoned me crew yarharhar
Some guy who is now a donkey: one million banana
Some zesty cat: meow meow meow my ass is too fat and I want you to help me start a war
Death himself: I have a gambling addiction.
Deacon: NOW DIE
The Pirate: nuh uh
CARTOON BONK SOUND EFFECT
Deacon: ow
HEY LOOK A FREE BOAT!
Big turtle: find my balls
Rooke: General Tso get this guy I have to go stumble menacingly after some furries
General Tso's chicken: squawk
The Pirate: I am going to start drinking
SOME TIME LATER
Big turtle: thanks for finding my balls guys
The British: THE ARMADA WANTS OUR CHEEKS
Rooke: I have big boat with many big gun
The zesty cat: GET ME OUT OF JAIL I'LL GIVE YOU MY EL DORADO MAP PIECE
Bishop: In my lab, straight up tinkering it, and by it, well, haha, let's just say HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
The Pirate: hehe
FORTRESS EXPLODES
Bishop: ow
Some furry: hey you're a Royal Navy captain now congratulations now take this suicide mission
Rooke: NOW DIE
SHIP EXPLODES
Rooke, crawling out of the wreckage: NOW DIE
SHIP EXPLODES MORE
Rooke: ow
The zesty cat: So I lied to you but if we go see some birds THEY can tell us how to get a map piece from this BUFF Cyclops *longing sigh*
The birds: tweet tweet
Kane: I'm going to eat you
BANG BANG BANG
roll credits
