Elf: Hi. Stupid question. Is it true that you guys live in trees?

Human: What? No. We live in buildings on the ground. I thought elves lived in trees.

Elf: We also live in buildings on the ground. What?

Elf: Anyways, your Erandil is really good. Where did you learn?

Human: My what?

Elf: The language we’re speaking right now?

Human: In school they called this Elvish. The language that elves speak.

Elf: There’s hundreds of elvish languages. Erandil is just the most common one.

Human: Fuck. Well, shows what I know. Do you speak any human languages, by the way?

Elf: …

Human: Don’t tell me. They told you that you were learning Human.

Elf: … perhaps.

Human: So while we’re asking stupid questions, is it true that elves can live for over a thousand years?

Elf: Are you talking about the current Erandil queen? Because she’s been keeping herself alive through unnatural means for too long if you ask me. It’s time for some new leadership.

Human: No I mean like all elves. I heard you live for a long time.

Elf: What? Oh, no. Not usually. I mean, I think we live longer than humans on average but you know, there’s some overlap. How long do humans live, by the way?

Human: Like 70-100. Something like that.

Elf: Oh, that’s longer than I thought. Then we barely live longer than you at all. Why was my mom always ranting about how childish humans are then?

Human: If it makes you feel any better we do have a habit of getting drunk and doing dangerous stunts.

Elf: That sounds really fun.

every year or so tik tok starts debating who the “real mean girl” was in mean girls and i’m just so baffled by the lack of media comprehension. the point is that they are ALL MEAN GIRLS. Yes! Janis was a mean girl. But so was Regina. All of the girls were mean girls!!! That’s what the gym scene is about, every girl gong up on stage and admitting something horrible they’ve done to another person.

It’s why Cady’s character had to be home schooled and not just transferring from a different school. It had to show you that everyone is capable of being a “mean girl” because high school is kill or be killed. It’s so easy to hurt others in the name of protecting yourself. Even girls who were kind and wanted to be kind succumbed to being a “mean girl” in order to make it through the day.

Mean Girls isn’t about right vs wrong. It’s about hierarchies in high school, it’s about the performance of femininity, it’s about toxic femininity, it’s about expectations and the desire to be accepted.

Being A Fan Of Something Popular: Expectation vs Reality.

People who have been in fandom for 20 minutes: It’s funny how this is making fun of that one particular show.

People who have been in fandom for 20 years:

Meanwhile, at the top of the falls:

A crossover of Spy x Family and Batman I made by photoshopping different panels together. I hope you enjoy

You're fresh out of college and looking for a job. Everyone is hiring. Nobody who's "hiring" is actually hiring. You finally get a call back from somewhere you barely remember applying to (though the voice on the other end sounds synthesized). You pull up the job listing again real quick. The company name and the fact that the listing is for "Minion" are kind of concerning, but you know what, you've interviewed with enough evil corporations by now, you can handle one wearing its true colors on its sleeve. At this point it's a matter of making rent or moving back in with your parents, and as much as you love your family, you can't imagine spending another summer dealing with your brothers' antics. You agree to the interview.

The man who greets you is an enthusiastic older German(?) man who's either way too into cosplay or just that committed to the bit, judging by the lab coat. He made cookies. The tray of cookies is proffered to you by a ten-foot-tall robotic caricature of a 50s businessman. You take a deep breath to calm yourself. You bite into one of the cookies. It's delicious.

You ask the boss about his business model. "Oh you know, a little of this, a little of that, I bounce from project to project a lot." He mentions that his end goal is becoming the undisputed ruler of the surrounding counties. "Really? Not the whole world?" you ask. "I like to set realistic goals," he replies.

As he gives you the tour of his "evil lair," ingrained instincts are screaming at you to report this guy to some kind of authority figure. You remember the salary. You decide that you can always bust him after getting your first paycheck.

The boss asks when you can start. Caught off guard, you say "tomorrow?". Your boss(?) says he'll see you then.

On the way out, you bump into your stepbrother's girlfriend. Your boss introduces her as his daughter. You both silently agree to sidestep the subject for now and act like this is your first time meeting.

You show up to your first day of work. Your boss is putting the finishing touches on a giant machine that was definitely not there yesterday. You are nonplussed. You ask him what it's for and he launches into a convoluted explanation involving his parents always forcing him to put his shirts on backwards so the tag was in front. You think he should probably talk to a therapist.

Your brothers' exotic pet breaks down the wall. You stare at him. He stares at you. Incredulously, you say his name. "Oh, good, you two already know each other!" your boss says. You mention that you used to live with him. "What? Perry the Platypus, you never mentioned having a roommate."

This is what I like to imagine Candace Flynn's life is like, post P&F.

Universal reaction to this post.

Starfire Blaze

pope francis it is your moral obligation to make the entire ocean holy water. the devil cannot be allowed to surf

pope leo it is your moral obligation to make the entire ocean holy water. the devil cannot be allowed to surf

single issue voter

found this on reddit you know what i have to do

Congratulations on reinventing the Monty Python cheese shop sketch

one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method

#which is the other reason those stupid robot phone trees are such a blight upon this land

#I have already mustered all my strenght and willpower to make a phone call#and you have the unmitigated GALL to assign a chipper robot to tell me you've got information on your website?

#you noisome fool! if I could do this on your website I would have already#cease your prattle and bring me to a representative

@aethersea you took the words right out of my mouth

antagonists should never be part of a story because it promotes sabotaging other people's goals. you'd only write such things because that's how you treat your friends.

don't even get me started on "foils". flattening people so you can twist around everything they stand for, what a vile concept. hellooooo, it's called a strawman.

and character sheets??? do you really think you can capture a whole person with a personality test???

They seem like the kind of guys who would keep count

Bonus:

XD @roninhunt0987

It’s sad how much of what is taught in school is useless to over 99% of the population.

There are literally math concepts taught in high school and middle school that are only used in extremely specialized fields or that are even so outdated they aren’t used anymore!

I took calculus my senior year of high school, and I really liked the way our teacher framed this on the first day of class.

He asked somebody to raise their hand and ask him when we would use calculus in our everyday life. So one student rose their hand and asked, “When are we going to use this in our everyday life?”

“NEVER!!” the teacher exclaimed. “You will never use calculus in your normal, everyday life. In fact, very few of you will use it in your professional careers either.” Then he paused. “So would you like to know why should care?”

Several us nodded.

He picked out one of the varsity football players in the class. “You practice football a lot during the week, right Tim?” asked the teacher.

“Yeah,” replied Tim. “Almost every day.”

“Do you and your teammates ever lift weights during practice?”

“Yeah. Tuesdays and Thursdays we spend a lot of practice in the weight room.”

“But why?” asked the teacher. “Is there ever going to be a play your coach tells you use during a game that requires you to bench press the other team?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why lift weights?”

“Because it makes us stronger,” said Tim.

“Bingo!!” said the teacher. “It’s the same thing with calculus. You’re not here because you’re going to use calculus in your everyday life. You’re here because calculus is weightlifting for your brain.”

And I’ve never forgotten that.

THIS.

When it’s taught right, learning math teaches you logic and how to organize your brain, how to take a problem one step at a time and make sure every step can bear weight before you move to the next one.  Most adults don’t need to know integrals, but goddamn if I don’t wish everyone making arguments on the internet understood geometric proofs.

Scientific concepts broaden our understanding of how the world is put together, which does not mean that most adults ever really understand how light is refracted through a lens or why spinning copper wire creates electricity–and they don’t need to.  But science classes in general are meant to teach the scientific method: how to make observations and use them to draw conclusions, how to test those conclusions, how to be wrong and grow stronger from it.

History isn’t about dates and names of battles, it’s about people, patterns, things we’ve tried before and ought to learn from.  It’s about how everything is linked, how changing one circumstance can lead to changes in fifty others, cascading infinitely.  Literature is about critical thinking, pattern recognition, learning to listen to what somebody is saying and decide what it means to you, how you feel about it, and what you want to do with it.

Some facts matter: every adult should know how to read a graph, how global warming works, some of the basic themes and symbols that crop up in every piece of fiction.  But ultimately, content is less important later in life than context.

The good thing is, students who learn the content are likely to pick up at least some of the context, some of the patterns of thinking, even if they don’t realize it.  (The unfortunate thing is how the current educational system prioritizes content so much that a lot of students, and a lot of adults, don’t see the point in learning either, and teachers are overworked and held to standardize test grading scales such that it’s hard for them to emphasize patterns of thinking over rote memorization, etc etc etc, but that is a whole different discussion.)