by your late 20s you should be slutting out to a minimum of 2 different girls and flagrantly stealing company time to play games

sometimes i think about how how i wish i had someone who was like me.

i wish i had someone who would let me sit on their lap and would wipe my tears away with their thumbs, kiss my forehead and blow my nose if it got congested.

someone who would make me tea and put socks on my feet when i’m cold.

someone who would massage my scalp in the bath and would kiss my shoulders and have a warm towel waiting for me.

someone who reminds me to make my dramamine if they know i’m going to sit in the backseat of a car, and notices when i’m visibly anxious.

someone who kisses my knuckles and holds my face in their hands, looks at me like i’m precious

like..

i deserve the same kind of consideration that i give them.

the same level of tenderness.

someone who understands that sometimes my brain can be really mean to me, and always treats me the gentlest in those moments.

I love freaky girls. Girls who are absolute perverts and can barely control themselves. God may have abandoned you but I love you and you should be allowed to get away with anything 💖💖💖Be as nasty as you want princess you deserve it

Take my hand

what do you mean the princess’s children resemble me? that is absurd and nothing but a coincidence. i am her sworn protector and nothing else. i spend my nights in her chambers only to guard her. speak once more against the princess’s virtue and i will see you beheaded at once for treason.

girl who goes on estrogen and she looks in the mirror and feels so much more pretty and she goes outside and everything feels more beautiful.

neeeeed u to fill me up, need ur pretty cock deep inside me, stuffing me so full i can breathe. need to be ruined n knocked up n dripping for u <3

If you're high, remember you can control your left leg with L1, and your right leg with L2, but remember; if you get scared all your data will be deleted

Cat girlfriend

I know that when people complain about the Folgers commercial, they’re usually pointing out the weird incest vibes, but I don’t think we give enough hate to the fact that this man came home from generic Africa, his sister put on a pot of Folgers, and he swooned over it saying “ooh! Real coffee!” You were in Africa, my guy! Africa has several countries that are known as having the best coffee in the world! Saying you didn’t have any real coffee in Africa is like saying you didn’t see any Black people in Africa! The fuck is wrong with these people?!

tgirls who start laughing after sex when the one who just got fucked in the ass realizes that she can’t move her legs anymore.

my biggest turn on is knowing that i’m turning you on

!!!!!!!!

possum has been punished for eternity (writing essay for 2/3 days while my beloved partner isnt here to hold me and tell me its gonna be ok and/or touch me innapropriately when we're doing benign things)

I went to Mad At You Island and I killed and killed and killed and killed

long distance relationships are annoyinggg i wake up and my beautiful sister just got out of the shower and instead of being able to tell her how beautiful she is by fucking several loads of girlcum into her, i just have to think about it while dryhumping in my bed alone. sigh... someday ill get to breed my sister every morning for real