Servant: Your highness, a party of adventurers has answered your call for help.

King: Excellent. What are they like?

Servant: One of them is a dragon-lady.

King: Interesting. Those are rare around these parts.

Servant: Another is a goblin paladin.

King: Not a role you usually see goblins in.

Servant: A third is a purple-skinned tiefling.

King: I didn't even know they come in that color.

Servant: The last one is a sapient gelatinous cube.

King: What. How did these four even meet?

Servant: They met in a tavern two hours ago, apparently.

Queen: My love, please return to bed.

King: *pacing* Why would a gelatinous cube come to a tavern? Can it even get drunk? How did it fit through the doors?

There are actual tears in my eyes rn can you believe people are this stupid and walk among us all the time

major league hockey fan watching ilya kiss shane’s helmet at the 2017 all star game and posting “god had to put ilya rozanov and shane hollander on rival teams because otherwise they’d be having so much gay sex they wouldn’t have time for hockey” and then a few years later reblogging themselves like “WELL”

yuna hollander the woman that you are.

Today's xkcd is going to be another hit with the boat crowd. [x]

DB Cooper mystery solved: he survived and used the money to start the film website "IMDb" (I am DB)

okay so. this is fine.

babys first chirp (✿◡‿◡)

(sneezes) oh fuck that wasn't a normal flower.. that was friend pollen :/ now we have to hang out or die

my uncle took a jolly pill and now his cheeks are round and red and theres a unmistakable scent of gingerbread cookies following him wherever he goes

Tell you uncle to text me

i love 'bumfuck' as an intensifier

Middle of bumfuck nowhere....... cus Yeah we're really lost... anal sex style 😞

*dipping a dart into an unlabelled flask and loading it into my crossbow* you better not try anything stupid because i don't even remember what this one does

I need to talk about the couch scene in heated rivalry because, while heartbreaking, it is also a perfect example of how to do a miscommunication trope because of the one hand Shane and Ilya are talking, but they're having two different conversations.

Ilya is genuinely trying to get to know Shane. He wanted him to stay, a cooked for him, made sure he had his beverage of choice and then started asking him questions about himself. Ilya wanted to know if Shane was bi like him or gay because "I never see you with girls" while also trying to tell him that, yes, he has lots of meaningless sex, but it's different with Shane, "I like you."

But Shane hears this and thinks Ilya means that he's just one of the many meaningless hook-ups that he has. And on top of that Shane is freaking out because I don't think anyone has ever outright asked him about his sexuality. The sexuality that he, himself, has very much not come to terms with "of course I do" he says, because he still thinks he can do that. Can be with a girl and be okay with it.

It's like they're both reaching a hand out to test the waters but they're reaching into separate pools. It crushes me because you can see them both trying so hard but they just don't understand each other yet.

He’d left Russia, he was uneasy in America, and he’d spent his entire adult life drifting between continents and between lovers. But now he had been reeled in by this annoying Canadian, and all that he knew was that he wanted to stay. He wanted to anchor himself to Shane and just...stay.

He’d left Russia, he was uneasy in America, and he’d spent his entire adult life drifting between continents and between lovers. But now he had been reeled in by this annoying Canadian, and all that he knew was that he wanted to stay. He wanted to anchor himself to Shane and just...stay.

One of my favorite little details from episode 5 is when Ilya texts Shane to come over for an hour, even though they don't have much time. Shane immediately texts back--multiple times--that they have a game tonight! and scowling at his phone, texting no!, it's a terrible idea!, meanwhile the entire time he is getting dressed to go over there. What a way to communicate that their bickering is foreplay, that Shane does this specifically because he likes being contradictory, he likes being bothered by Ilya, that that just is their dynamic and Shane is 100% into it.

reverse gaslighting where i pretend to know exactly what you are talking about