my stressful time of year is here

its my sisters birthday and i have 3 options:

1. wish her a simple formal “Happy Birthday!”

pros: non problematic at all, acknowledges existance without acknowledging the past

cons: feels like im lying because im not that formal, i hate talking to her like a stranger, invites formal response which makes me feel like im forcing her to acknowledge me which is potentially bad for her and also forces her to maybe lie and be formal too??

2. send her the 1234HAPPYBIRTHDAY song or another reference

pros: fun :), lets her know i care in an honest way, maybe make her smile?

cons: is maybe just me being manipulative? by trying to be falsely likable or funny? and trying to use the past as emotional manipulation to make her somehow feel guilty or sad just to make her talk to me therefor bringing her back into my toxic circle of influence???

3: say nothing

pros: no risk of accidently offending her by saying something, i feel bad because i really do care and want to reconnect and talk to her but i cant because theres no right answers and im so frustrated (but not enough to hurt anybody i would never on purpose why doesnt anyone believe me?!) and sad i dont kno what to do TnT

cons: by “ignoring” her birthday & saying nothing is that emotional manipulation?? am i being abusive by not saying anything??

i have 1 hour left until the days over i cant guys i just...... i just dont want to hurt anyone especially my sister TnT this day is so fuckin stressful

the nephfei group on deviantart is having a gifting event & heres my first entry for it

Gray is this horse boi & he belongs to poryeron

i like making vaporwave garbage images when i’m bored

holidays make me an emo kid again

@loraznerd its jeff lol i like him a lot

just casually dying maybe idk

im not dead, im just taking a break. reading comics... including a favorite: Ghost Rider 2099!

featuring local dead angst machine Kenshiro Cochrane and his 3 emotions: pissed off, more pissed off, and tired. i could write for an hour on how this series is fun and amazing and soooo underrated 💀🔥🏍

“team meeting” work doodle in pen...

if im not drawing or fidgeting w/ something during lectures of any kind, just assume im not listening....

I totally am and im gonna be branded a huge nerd omg >_<

i am very organized and my aesthetic is flawless shut up

omggggg help

sooooo

tomorrow.... i am going to my first comic con... as an “”artist”” ....... i’m going to have a table my dudes! ._. my comic shop guy manages them in my area, and i told him i wanted the smallest area in the fall/winter (better to see how a small con goes first, right?) Got my saturday shift covered, got all my su-PREMELY amateur stuff all together, got my basic signage, got my fake-it-til-u-make-it confidence (ง’̀-‘́)ง

also all this week i’ve been having a lot of fun working on my next comic

so i’ve got something to work on tmro in my spare time... so if nothing else, i got a day off to draw non-stop ^-^

anywho, i gotta remember take a pic for posterity of my table once i get set up, so wish me luck guys!!!