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ʏᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴍʏ ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇɪɴɢ

ᴘʀᴏꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴛʜɪɴᴋᴇʀ, ɢᴇᴍ♊︎ɴɪ, ꜱᴛᴀʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ

𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓍 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹, 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁 ⋆˚꩜

✮⋆˙ masterlist ✮⋆˙ extra ✮⋆˙ rules

One Shots:

𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝐻𝑒

𝐿𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝐵𝑖𝑡

𝑃𝑜𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑛

Series:

to be continued…

One shots:

𝑆𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 𝑀𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒

𝑂𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑣𝑒

𝑀𝑦 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙

𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐

𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒

Series:

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑂𝑓 𝑃𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒:

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part.

𝐷𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟:

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part.

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

It had been 4 months since the day at the cabin. After that day we never left each other's side. We became inseparable. 

Today was another one of those days where all I wanted to do was relax after my double shift at the diner. I walked into my apartment, not wanting to do anything other than take a shower and sleep.

But when I opened my bedroom door Chris happened to be already asleep on my bed. I smiled and rolled my eyes. He looked so peaceful. “Chris” I said as I shook his body. “Hmm” he said before rubbing his eyes.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming over” I chuckled before sitting down next to him. “I just missed you” he said, his voice whiny and tired. He grabbed onto my body, forcing me to lay down with him.

“Baby, I need to shower” I said. He sighed at my words. He was so clingy and obsessed. “Let me shower with you” he suggested. A small giggle fell from my lips. 

The hot water poured down onto us. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us recently” he said casually. “Yeah? What about us?” I asked. “I don’t know. I think you're the love of my life” he said with a big smile on his face.

I laughed, he says that so often it’s became like a daily affirmation for him. Even after all this time he still finds a way to make me all nervous. “But like I was saying i’ve been thinking about us alot” he said. 

“I want you to meet my mom” he said. Our eyes locked. “You want me to meet your mom?” I asked. He nodded his head. “Yeah. Because that’s how serious I am about us” he said. I smiled and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

He leaned down until he was directly in front of my ear. “She needs to meet the love of my life. The woman I’m going to marry one day” he whispered. His words sent shivers down my spine. “Is that okay?” he asked. “Yes baby, that’s okay” I said.

-

We walked into the hospital room. “Oh my goodness this must be the girl I hear about so often” Chris’s mom says with a big smile on her face. “Come here young lady, give me a hug” she said holding out her arms.

I walked over to the bed she was in, her arms wrapped around me. A genuine hug was exchanged. “It’s so nice to meet you Mrs. Sturniolo” I said. “Oh please, you can call me Mary” she insisted. 

We sat and talked for a couple hours. She told me stories about what Chris was like when he was a child. She mentioned that he has never brought a girl home to meet her, and that she’s never seen Chris so serious about someone. 

“You are so loved by my son. I hope you know that” Mary Lou said. Her essence was the definition of beautiful. Chris, Mary Lou and I had sat and got lost in conversation. Enjoying each others presence. It was more than wholesome. 

After awhile a nurse walked into the room and said that visitation hours had ended. “It was so nice to meet you y/n” Mary said as she held onto my hand. “We’ll definitely come and visit some more” I said before giving her a big hug.

“I love you Chris. Take care of each other” Mary said before we walked out of the room. 

Later that night Chris and I were at his apartment eating some food that we cooked together. After eating we went into his bedroom and put on some music while we did face masks together. 

After awhile I checked the time on my phone. 10:32 p.m. 

“I should probably head home, have to be up early in the morning” I said. “Nooo” Chris dragged out. “Chris you do this everytime. I have to get up early” I giggled. He let out a sigh before grabbing onto my body.

“I know I just hate when you leave” he said. “I know baby, me too” I said in agreement. A moment of silence passed. “How about you just stay here?” he spoke. “Chris all of my work clothes are at my apartment” I said.

“I’m not talking about staying here for the night, or even a couple days. I’m saying I want you to stay here with me” he said. His words didn’t fully register before I responded. “I love you but I just-” in the middle of my sentence I paused.

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” I asked. “I’m saying I want you to move in with me ma” he said. My heart dropped to my stomach. “You do?” I said. He chuckled. “Why are you surprised?” he asked. 

“I just- I don't even know. Are you being for real?” I asked. He placed a kiss on my lips. “I’m being for real” he said. “I want you to invade my space. I want to wake up to you every morning. Brush our teeth together, eat together, sleep together” he continued.

“I want to build a life with you y/n” he said. 

Chris’s POV:

I was telling her the truth. I had never been more serious about something or someone in my life. I wanted to build a life with her. She was the person my soul was destined to meet and fall in love with and nobody could convince me otherwise.

“Your lease to your apartment is about to end anyways” I said. And for a second I was scared she was about to give me some excuse of why she couldn’t move in with me. But then a big grin appeared on her face.

“I love you” she said. 

A couple of weeks went by and y/n was fully moved into my apartment. 

Y/n’s POV:

Mia sat across the table from Chris and I with her boyfriend. “Yeah and when I walked out of the diner all I saw was Chris fighting some random dude” Mia said, telling the story of when we got off work and saw Chris in the parking lot losing control of himself.

“No need to bring up the past” Chris said, not relating to the past version of himself anymore. 

 “To be completely honest I didn’t see this coming. But I’m glad everything worked out this way ” Mia said as she took a sip of her water. “What do you mean?” her boyfriend asked.

“I had just never seen y/n fall for someone so quickly. She’s had opportunity after opportunity to get with guys. To fall in love. She was stubborn on not “wasting time on a guy”. And then she met Chris” Mia said.

Chris looked over at me and smiled. “I don’t know what he did, probably voodoo or something” Mia joked. All of us let out light giggles and laughs as we continued to talk and eat food. 

When I think about how Chris met, I question whether it was out of coincidence, or out of fate. I didn’t know that this would be the outcome. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. And if I could go back and do it all over again I would.

Chris’s POV:

Y/n and I have lived together for over a year now. And I still got butterflies around her. 

I loved waking up to her. I loved the slow mornings where we didn’t want to get out of bed. I loved the nights where we would stay up holding each other, talking about our future and what would be like as old people. 

I loved sharing a space with her. I loved that even after all this time my love for her only continued to grow.

It was nearing midnight. 

We laid together in our bed, sharing soft touches and gentle kisses. As I got lost in my thinking I realized that If God had told me that loving her would send me to hell, I would accept my fate. I would search for her in every lifetime. She was engraved into my soul, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

author note: I fucking hate the ending tbh. but I love you all 🫶🏼. thank you for showing support. stay sexy!!!

taglist: @velvetspideruniverse @courta13

@sharkattack032005 @sugarontop88 @wrathfulquakemarauder

@nessabarrettlover101

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 part 9 final part

I woke up to Chris stroking my hair, the sun coming through the blinds. “Good morning ” he whispered. “What time is it?” I asked. “It’s early. But you should get up. We have a big day ahead” he said. 

I looked at him with a confused expression. He smiled like he was up to no good. “Get dressed ma” he said. And so I did. I brushed my hair, brushed my teeth and put on some decent looking clothes.I didn’t know what for, all I knew was that Chris was being suspicious and it made me curious. 

“Pack a pair of clothes and swim suit” he said from outside the bathroom door. I got dressed and grabbed some clothes. He made me hold his hand as he led me to his car. “Where are we going?” I asked. “You’ll see” he said as we got into the car. Soft music played as he started the drive. 

And then all the sudden the memories hit me. The argument we had. The drinking. The crying. 

“Chris” I said. He glanced at me and then put his attention back on the road. “Yeah?” he said. “I’m so sorry. I should have never-” I tried to apologize but he instantly cut me off. “Shhh. Your okay, everythings okay” he said. “But Chris I shouldn’t have-” he cut me off once again. “Stop saying sorry. You're human. You're allowed to be human” he said before putting his hand on my thigh. 

A flashback of when Chris and I were getting to know each other hit me. 

My heart twisted at his words. “But that makes you human. You're allowed to be angry. Or even happy. Or sad” I said. I grabbed onto his hand and rubbed over his knuckles gently. His eyes locked onto mine. “You're allowed to be human” I said. 

We had been driving for an hour at this point. I stared out the window, looking at all the trees we were surrounded by. It was nice out here. Lots of nature, nowhere near the city. “Almost there” he said.

I thought about where we could be going. But I had no idea where we would end up. I didn’t know what was up Chris’s sleeve. So when we got to the destination, my mind was blown.

He parked in the driveway of a large sized cabin. “Chris what is this?” I asked. “I thought we needed a change of scenery for a day” he said, smiling. He got out of the car and walked around to my side, opening the door for me.

He grabbed my hand and led me inside. I was truly in awe at how beautiful the inside of the cabin was. We walked around the cabin admiring every inch of it. 

“Chris, this is insane” I said. He led me to the main bedroom where we would be sleeping later on. “You like it?” he asked. “I love it” I responded with a big smile on my face. 

We spent the day walking on nature trails and exploring outside. He demanded to take pictures of me so that way he could print them out and keep them in his wallet. We skipped rocks into the creek and got lost in conversation. 

The sun set and we walked back to the cabin. Chris suggested we go outside and sit in the hot tub. And it made me a little nervous. I didn’t necessarily want to wear my swimsuit. Not for any other reason than the fact I had scars on my thighs that made me deeply insecure. 

But how could I say no to Chris when he brought me all the way out here? “Gonna change in the bathroom” I said. Once I got into the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror. Trying to get the courage to wear a bikini in front of him. Telling myself that he would never judge me.

I took off my clothes and looked down at my thighs. I stared at the scars and the scars stared back at me. I took a deep breath and put my bikini on. I wrapped a towel around my waist, hoping to hide the scars for as long as possible. 

“You ready?” he asked. I nodded my head and we headed out to the hot tub. I dropped the towel and got in first. “Oh my god. It feels so nice in here” I said, letting my body relax into the water. I watched as Chris stepped into the water. 

He sat across from me. We let the water submerge our bodies. “I love this so much” I said. He let a soft smile appear on his face. A peaceful silence fell over us. I had never felt so content before. This was something I needed for a while without realizing it. 

Chris and I sat and talked for awhile. He told me his dad reached out to him but he didn’t respond. He reminisced on the days his mom wasn’t in the hospital. We talked for an hour. Listening to each other attentively. 

“Chris I really am sorry. For overacting. And that you had to see me like that” I said. “Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you y/n. Don’t dwell on it” he said. His reassurance helped soothe my overthinking.

Chris let his body move in the water. He slowly swam closer to me, until he was right in front of me. “You're so beautiful” he said. I smiled and splashed his face with water. He reacted over dramatically, saying things like “I feel so betrayed right now” “you're so mean”.

We got out of the hot tub and went back inside. 

“Stay in the living room for a minute” he said. “Why?” I asked. “Just stay here” he said. I stood in the living room with a towel wrapped around my body as a million questions popped up in my head.

15 minutes passed before he came back into the living room. “Okay, okay come with me now” he said. “What are we doing?” I asked, still confused. Chris led me to the bedroom and before he opened the door he turned around to look at me.

He kissed my forehead without warning and then opened the door, grabbing my hand and leading me inside. The room was lit with candles, rose petals scattered around the floor,  and heart shaped balloons floating in the air. I looked on the bed. A gift basket filled with goodies, a bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear  and a sign that said “will you be my girlfriend?” 

“Chris!” I exclaimed. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked  while holding onto my hands. “Yes” I responded. He pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my body. The hug lasted long. Like the last thing we wanted to do was let each other go.

But he pulled away, just enough for his face to be directly in front of mine. We stared into each other's eyes, so much being said without using actual words. “Come here, come open the gift” he said, grabbing onto my hand and leading me to the bed.

I sat down on the bed and grabbed onto the small box. “What is it” I said. “Open it” he encouraged. I ripped the wrapping paper off the small box, revealing a ring box. My heart beat picked up instantly.

I opened the box carefully, revealing the beautiful ring inside. I looked up at Chris who was smiling at me. “Promise ring” he said. Tears started to form in my eyes. “Promise ring?” I repeated, feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion hit me. I felt so loved. Beyond loved.

“Let me put it on you” he said. He took the ring and grabbed onto my hand. He slid the ring on carefully. I stared down at the ring in awe. He pulled my hand up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles softly. 

“Promise” he said. “I promise to take care of you. Every part of you. I promise that you have my unconditional love and loyalty” he continued. He wiped the tear that rolled onto my cheek. He grabbed onto the teddy bear, “what do you want to name our kid” he said.

“You're unbelievable” I said as a laugh fell from my lips. 

A couple hours passed. We watched movies in the bedroom and held each other like our life depended on it. 

“You okay?” he asked out of nowhere. “Mhm. More than okay. What about you?” I asked. “I’m okay if you're okay” he said. I looked up at him, his eyes locked onto mine. I couldn’t help but feel so lucky. Lucky to have found someone like him. Lucky to experience this life with him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked. “You” I responded. He chuckled at my response. “I’m thinking about you too. I’m always thinking about you” he said, his hand sneaking its way under the hoodie I was wearing, rubbing his fingers gently across my bare back. 

I loved his touch, I don’t think I could ever get enough of it. My eyes flickered between his eyes and lips.The sudden need for his lips on mine made my stomach turn. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked. A soft giggle fell from my lips. “Like what?” I asked. “Like you're scared to kiss me” he said. 

I shrugged my shoulders, portraying fake nonchalance. “You nervous?” he asked. I nodded my head, unable to lie to him. “Why? We’ve kissed before” he said. The flashback of me riding his thigh appeared. Immediately making my body heat up. 

“I don’t want to have sex with you, I want to make love to and with you. And that scares me” he admits.

He let his hand grip onto my waist softly. His touch only made me weaker in the moment. “I don’t want to just kiss you this time” I said quietly. He nodded, like he understood what I meant. “Then what do you want, baby?” he whispered. 

“You” I responded. His hold tightened on my waist just a little. “Are you 100% sure?” he asked. “Mhm” I hummed. He grabbed onto my waist and pulled me closer into him. 

My lips brushed against his. The candles that were lit around the room flickered. The tension between us became intense and overpowering. I stared into his eyes, my heart beat racing. And then I leaned in, kissing his lips softly.

I pulled back and locked eyes with him again. Just as I was about to lean in to kiss him again he pulled back an inch. “Wait” he said. “What is it?” I said. “I need you to know that-” he paused. He sat there and scanned every inch of my face. 

“What is it Chris?” I asked. He brought his hand to my face, cupping my jaw and staring into my eyes. “I love you” he said, his voice steady even though he was filled with an overwhelming amount of emotions. 

I smiled, a genuine smile. “I love you too” I whispered. He closed the gap between us by placing a soft kiss on my lips. One kiss turned into a plethora of more. His touch was grounding and igniting at the same time.

Our bodies moved under the blankets, tangled in one another's. His mouth worked his way to my jaw and then my neck. I loved the feeling of his lips on my body. I loved it more knowing this was about to be a daily thing. 

His hands slid underneath the hoodie I wore and roamed all over my body. “Need more” I said against his lips. “I know baby, I know” he whispered. A couple more minutes passed before he helped take off my hoodie. 

My bra came off next, my bare breast fully exposed. Chris let his mouth envelope my nipple, sucking gently. My breath was already unsteady, my patience running low. I was needy and couldn’t stand the anticipation. 

His hand slid to the waistband of my pants. “Take them off” I said before he could even say anything. He chuckled at my words, loving the sense of urge and need in my voice. He slid my pants off, leaving me in my thong. 

He stared down at my tattoo, or so I thought. But when my eyes looked down to where his were, I realized he was staring at my now exposed scars. My heart beat picked up and I immediately reached for the blanket to cover my self.

“No, no, no” he said, pulling the blanket back off of me. “Chris” I said, trying to yank the blanket back but he already was tossing it onto the floor. “Don’t try to hide from me y/n” he said as my legs curled up to my chest.

“Don’t hide from me baby” he said quietly. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you y/n every part of you. Even the parts that you don't love about yourself. I love those parts 10 times more” he said in a reassuring tone. 

“Breathe baby” he whispered before grabbing onto my hand. “I love you” he said again. And it wasn’t the words that made me believe him, it was his actions. I let my legs uncurl, my thighs exposed. 

I looked down at the scars and then back up at him. He smiled softly and squeezed my hand. “You're okay” he said. In that moment I realized how much I actually trusted him. How much I trusted him with my heart, my body and my soul.

I leaned in, kissing his lips like it was the only proper response I had. He melted into the kiss, his body reacting after every kiss. My lips moved to his neck, sucking lightly but enough to leave marks.

His jaw tightened and his breathing picked up pace. And he tried to contain himself, he really did. But your touch made him weak. It made him crave more. He let himself bask in your touch for a little longer before the need became too much.

He moved with precision, he repositioned your body to lay flat against the bed. You watched as he spread your legs open and laid between your legs, his head directly in front of your clothed entrance. 

Your heart beat picked up as his eyes landed on yours. “Can I take it off?” he asked referring to your thong. You nodded your head and within seconds you were fully naked and exposed.

My breathing picked up. He placed gentle kisses over the scars on my thighs. “I love you” he said, lowering the kisses. “So much” he said before kissing the top of my pussy. “I love you too” I said, the heat growing between my legs.

And then as if the words sparked something in him he licked a stripe from the bottom of my entrance all the way to the top. The action made me squirm. “Stay still baby” he said and I nodded my head. 

He licked against my clit, a whimper escaping my lips. He flicked his tongue against my clit in circles, my hands wrapped in his messy hair. He loved the way your moans sounded. It gave him motivation to make you a mess.

He stuck a finger inside your pussy, loving the way it slid inside smoothly due to how wet you are. He continued to lick your sensitive bud while penetrating his finger. Moans fell from your mouth like lullabies. 

He studied your body and face as he stuck another finger inside. He watched you closely, wanting to give you as much pleasure as possible. He continued to suck on your clit, causing your legs to try and close around his head.

But he quickly grabbed onto your legs and held them open. “You're doing good baby, so good” he said before continuing to eat you out like it was his life’s purpose. You pulled on his hair, your legs shaking and your orgasm arriving. 

“Chris” I whined as his fingers pushed in and out. The band in my belly snapped, my legs shaking and my mind in a haze. Chris continued to lick up your juices, loving the way you made a mess just for him.

He moved up to kiss me, the taste of myself on his lips. My chest heaved, my body weak from the orgasm. “You okay? Do you wanna stop?” he asked. I shook my head no, I didn’t want to stop. In fact I needed him inside me more than ever right now.

“You sure?” he asked. “Mhm” I hummed. 

I watched as he took his clothes off, his body naked and exposed in front of me for the first time. His size made me hesitate just the slightest. Intimidation at its finest. But I trusted him. And I needed him. 

He aligned himself with my entrance. “Gonna go slow with you, okay?” he said. I nodded my head. I watched as he lowered himself, letting his cock be enveloped by my walls. A gasp fell from my lips. 

“You okay?” he asked, analyzing my energy and facial expressions. “Yes i’m just- fuck” I cried out, the sensations feeling too good. “I’m gonna go all the way in baby, just tell me if you need me to stop” he said.

I grabbed onto his bicep and gasped as I wasn’t aware he wasn’t all the way in yet. But he pushed farther inside of me and I had suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of pleasure. “Fuck” I cried out. 

“It’s okay baby, i’m right here” he said, his movements coming to a halt  to let me adjust once he was fully inside me. Our eyes locked, so much trust and desire. So much love. His hand found my jaw, he caressed my face gently. 

And then he started moving, his dick pushing in and out slowly. Moans fell from my lips instantly, my body in such a blissful state. His strokes were deep and slow, the pace just right. “Chris” I cried out, grabbing onto his bicep as if it would help keep me together.

Our eyes locked as he thrusted inside me. “I know baby, you're doing so good” he praised. He started to pick up his pace, his breathing matching mine. “Fuck” he panted before reaching his hand down and circling my sensitive bud with his fingers. 

“I can’t- so good- so good” I whined, not able to form a proper sentence. His eyes stared down into mine, “I love you” he said before his lips crashed into mine. My nails dug into his back as our tongues swirled around each other. 

He was losing himself in you, but he didn’t care. He loved the way your body melted into his. He loved the way you consumed him. He was in awe at the way you felt against him.

As my orgasm approached I looked around the room and watched the candles dancing flame, my vision on the verge of getting blurry. I felt high, I felt lost in love. He moved my hair out of my face.

His thrust became sloppy close to the edge. “I love you so fucking much” he said, passion seeping in his words. “I love-fuck- I love you too” I said. The sensations became too much, my mind was numb and my body in shambles.

“Your okay, come for me baby” he said. And just like that I was a whimpering mess. The belly in my band snapped and my body gave out. “That’s it baby, that’s it” he said, his voice soft and encouraging. Seconds later his seed spilled inside me as he buried his face in my neck. 

We laid still for a couple minutes, our sweaty and sticky bodies stuck together. He kissed all over my cheeks and smoothing over my hair. Once our breaths were steady he pulled out of me, immediately going to grab a warm cloth to clean up the mess between my thighs.

He was so gentle and cautious that it made me want to cry. 

After changing the sheets of the bed he picked me up and placed me onto the bed. We got under the covers and our bodies immediately tangled into one another's. His arms wrapped around my body.

We laid there, wrapped around one another until we fell asleep.

taglist: @velvetspideruniverse @courta13 @sharkattack032005 @sugarontop88 @wrathfulquakemarauder @nessabarrettlover101

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 part 8 pt 9 final part

I lost control of myself. I had been drinking for 2 days in a row and called off work both days. I blocked Chris’s number and had been spiraling ever since. There was no way to explain the amount of hurt I felt.

I had been locked in my room with a bottle of vodka. I had spent my time crying until no more tears came. I was on a bender. And I had no plans to stop anytime soon. At this point I was numb. Numb to everything around me.

Until I heard a knock on my door. I was in such a haze that I didn’t care who was on the other side of that door. I wasn’t moving. I couldn’t move. Even if I wanted to.

And then my bedroom door opened. “Mia” I said, smiling. She looked at the bottle of vodka in my hand. “Y/n what the fuck is going on” she said. I laughed. I didn’t have a response to give her. I just knew my body felt like it was floating.

“Absoloutly not. Give me that” she said in a stern voice before snatching the bottle of vodka from my hands. My body couldn’t keep up with my mind. I wanted to fight her about it. I really did, but everything about the state I was in, physically and mentally was weak.

“Y/n I can clearly tell you're going through some things. And you'll have to explain it to me when you're sober. But I'm not letting you sit here like this. I love you but you genuinely look half dead right now” she said.

I laughed at her words. But Mia didn’t find this funny at all. She was actually very concerned. “Listen, I have to go to work. I’m already late. But please call me when you sober up” she said. “Miaaaa” I dragged out.

“You're gonna be okay. I’m not leaving until he gets here” she said. The words weren’t registering in my head yet. “Mia I love you but give me the alcohol back” I said. “No maame” she said. 

And then I heard my front door open. ”I love you” she said. And then Mia walked out of my view and I wanted to follow her but I still couldn't move. “I’m trusting you. You better take care of her. She better be okay by the time I'm off or I swear to god I’ll come after you. Understand?” I heard Mia’s voice say. “I understand” a familiar voice replied back. 

Seconds later Chris was standing in my bedroom. “Noo” I dragged out. Tears immediately arrived in my eyes. “What are you doing here?” I said. “Mia told me to come” he said as he sat next to me on my bed.

“I fucking hate you both” I said, tears falling from my eyes. 

Chris’s POV:

“Come here” I said, reaching my arms out for her. She immediately latched onto me. “I’m so sorry” she said, her words starting to slur. “I don’t know why- I just lost control Chris” she said. “It’s okay baby. Gonna take care of you. Everything's gonna be okay” I said. 

I had never seen y/n in such a wrecked state before. She had eye bags deep and dark, her hair was messy, and she was in the same clothes she left my house in 3 days ago. It broke my heart because I knew she stayed away from drugs and alcohol like her life depended on it. And maybe because it did.

I knew what it felt like to lean into substance abuse to try and escape the reality you lived in. I understood it very well. Because that's exactly what I was doing when I first met y/n. 

As she cried I held onto her. I would never in my life judge her for this. But I was very concerned. “Gonna need you to sober up love” I said. “I’m so sorry” she kept repeating. 

“I need you to get in the shower, okay?” I said. “Mhm” she hummed. 

After she got out of the shower she sat between my legs as I brushed her hair as gently as I could. I made her eat soup with crackers and made sure she drank water with electrolytes in it. 

“Need you to take a nap. You’ll feel better when you wake up” I said. She laid down against her bed. “You gonna leave me?” she asked. “No. Never leaving you” I responded before laying down next to her. I pulled her body into mine, her head resting on my chest as her legs wrapped around me.

She fell asleep fast.

My heart was so torn with guilt. I felt as if she was in active self destruction because of me. Because she thought I was messing around with other girls. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

Kayla. The girl that called my phone while y/n was at my apartment was a woman from the jewelry store. She had called me to let me know the ring I had bought for y/n was ready to be picked up.

No, not a wedding ring. But a promise ring. I didn’t answer Kayla’s call in front of y/n because I didn’t want y/n to get any idea of who I was talking to. I didn’t want her to know that I had bought a promise ring. Because I hadn’t even asked her to be my girlfriend yet. 

When I realized y/n had blocked me I lost my mind. I had to stop myself from showing up to her apartment on multiple occasions. I thought about drowning myself with drugs in order to escape the pain I felt.

But I sat and thought about what y/n would do or say if she ever found me using again. So I sat with the emotions. It was more than brutal. It was gut wrenching. I cried over and over, unable to stop the ache my heart felt.

And that’s when Mia reached out to me. Once I explained what happened she yelled at me for a solid 15 minutes before I eventually told her the reason why I wouldn’t answer that call from Kayla in front of y/n. 

And now I'm holding y/n in my arms as she sleeps. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to hold her in my arms forever. The connection we had was something I cherished. To be truthful, she consumed me. 

I had always been scared of love. For the longest time I believed it was something fictional. As if it were a fantasy. But y/n. Y/n had shown me how very real love actually is. 

taglist: @velvetspideruniverse @courta13 @sharkattack032005 @sugarontop88 @wrathfulquakemarauder @nessabarrettlover101

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 part 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

I had spent the entire night of Christmas spiraling. Trying to come up with any and every way possible to make it to where Chris didn’t have to go back home.

3 months have passed since Christmas. And Chris had given up on living with his dad. He had found an apartment a week after Christmas and moved into it a couple days after. 

I had helped him move all of his stuff out of his dads when his dad had gone on a work trip for 3 days. After practically 3 months of living in his own apartment it had all started to come together. 

Chris and I were doing really good. I struggled sometimes with the thought of running and hiding still. It was less of wanting to hide over time but the thoughts still lingered in the back of my mind.

I was so afraid he didn’t feel the same way. I wasn’t just afraid of telling him how I felt. I was afraid of love in general. Love has never been logical. Love was a foreign concept to me. Love was something I feared. 

Even after all these months of Chris and I spending time together I still wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure that he felt the same way I did. I wasn’t sure what this was to him. I didn’t know if he had other girls that he would treat the same way. 

Chris and I failed to communicate our feelings to one another. Because the thought of the love being something mutual scared us both. But the thought of losing each other because the other possibly didn’t feel the same way was even scarier. 

He never mentioned other girls. But that didn’t mean they didn’t exist. That didn’t mean that we were exclusive. Maybe it just meant he didn’t kiss and tell. But I got more curious as time passed.

Chris and I sat in my bed. We had just got done doing face masks as we snuggled up together. His hands were wrapped around my waist spooning me. “I’m so glad I met you” he said out of the blue.

It made my heart flutter. “I’m glad we met too” I said. I turned around to face him. He stared at me with something heavy lingering behind his eyes. “You're so beautiful” he said. I smiled at the compliment. “Your beautiful” I responded back.

“Yeah? You got a crush on me or something?” he joked. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the pillow from beneath my head to hit him in the face with it. He laughed, he loved seeing me get all nervous.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” he asked playfully before hitting me back with the pillow. “I don’t have a crush on you Chris. I just enjoy looking at your face” I said. “Yeah?” he said. “Mhm” I hummed. 

He stared at me for a moment. And the way he stared at me, like his eyes could see into my soul made my stomach turn. “Come closer” he said. I scooched closer to him. Our faces inches apart.

His eyes flickered from my eyes to lips. His hand found my waist, pulling me even closer into him. “It’s getting really hard to not kiss you ma” he whispered. “So do it” I said. He looked into my eyes like he was stunned for a moment. 

But seconds later his lips were on mine. Our bodies moved against one another, our lips synced up at the perfect pace. My body immediately reacted to his lips on mine. A pool of wetness grew between my legs almost instantly. 

His tongue swirled against mine, our saliva mixing and everything around us disappearing as we were consumed by each other. His hand gripped onto my ass, and my hand found its way to his hard member.

I palmed him through his pants, getting more needy by the second. He moaned into my mouth, loving the way I touched him. But then he pulled back. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Can’t. Can’t do this with you” he said. 

My cheeks tinted a pink from embarrassment as I pulled away from him. “No come here mama, it’s not like that” he said pulling me back into him. “I can’t give you what you need. Not fully. I just can’t have sex with you” he said.

I stared at him, waiting for an explanation. “Its not because I don't want to, it's because I’m obsessed with you. It wouldn’t be sex ma, I’ve only had sex with girls I don't care about. I don’t want to have sex with you, I want to make love to and with you. And that scares me” he admits. My heart dropped. 

“You want to make love to me?” I asked. I hated that his words only made me wetter. “Mhm. I do. Really bad” he said, pulling me back onto his lap. 

Chris’s POV:

She was straddled on top of me, her eyes filled with desire and trust. I looked at her, taking in how good she looked straddled on top of me.

My hand went to the back of her neck, pulling it a little just so that her neck was angled enough to where my lips could land and mark her.

My kisses were slow and open mouthed. I could feel her body shudder against me as I sucked on her neck, the delicate skin turning purple and blue.

Her body was reacting, she grinded against me. The fabric of her shorts were thin, making it possible for her to feel my hard member underneath her.

My lips moved from her neck to her mouth. Her hands tangled into my hair, and every moment of her lips and body on mine made me feel like I was floating, high with a mix of bliss.

I was basking in this feeling. Studying the way her face faltered into neediness. Like she was enjoying every moment of this just as much as I was.

I needed to keep my composure. I grabbed onto her, forcing her to straddle my thigh. I couldn't touch her, not in the way that I wanted to. But she could ride my thigh until she came undone. It was the most I could let happen. "Use me" I said.

Her body grinded against me and I watched as she chased her high. She held onto me, her breath unsteady. "That's it, pretty girl. Doing so good" I said, watching her struggle to keep herself in tact.

Her little whimpers made my self control start to thin. I wanted to claim her, take her soul and never live another day without her. Her hands grabbed onto me tighter.

"Chris" she moaned as my hands explored her body. Her grinding became sloppy, and her whimpers became louder. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and my jaw tightened.

She was so beautiful I could have an orgasm just by the way she says my name. I could feel her wetness on my thigh, my dick was hard as concrete, leaking with pre cum.

And then her nails dug into my back, and I could tell she was falling apart in my arms. "Mhm so good baby" I said as she let her body go limp against mine.

"So good" I whispered into her ear as she was trying to catch her breath. It took everything in me to not tear her clothes off and plow into her until she saw stars.

I held onto her for awhile, letting her come back down to earth. She was the most precious thing I had ever come across. And I was never letting her go.

-

Y/n’s POV:

Chris and I got to his apartment after going out to eat. We were laying on his bed when his phone started to ring. The phone was right next to us so I had a clear sight of the caller ID.

It was a girl's name. Kayla. He denied the call quickly and then set his phone on his nightstand. I didn’t say anything at first. Why would I? We technically weren’t together. But then his phone rang once more.

“Answer” I said blankly. He looked at me and hesitated. “I’ll call her later” he responded. “You mean like when I'm not here so she can come over?” I asked. His eyebrows furrowed before he chuckled.

“What are you trying to imply?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from him. “Just saying you don’t have to pretend like you're not messing around with other girls” I said. He stared at me like he was truly mind boggled.

“Do you think I would be spending all this time with you if I was messing with other girls?” he asked. I looked at him, really looked at him.  “You act like it’s not possible” I said. He looked at me like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. 

“You think I would let you have your own section of clothes in my closet if I had other girls around?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. “You don’t have to lie to me Chris. It’s not like we’re together” I said. 

His face twisted for a moment. Like he was just stabbed over and over. Full of hurt and confusion. And then it was replaced with something much more cold. Like he just shut off his emotions entirely and went numb. 

“If you're jealous just say that” he said. “No offense but you're nobody to get jealous over. Probably every girl in town can say they have had access to you” I said without thinking about the weight of my words. Irritation sank underneath my skin. 

“I don’t understand what your problem is, I’m not fuckin around with any other girls” he said. “Right. That’s why you wanted to wait to call that girl back. So you could tell her to come over later and whisper sweet nothings into her ear” I said. 

“Go through my phone y/n” he said, tossing his phone over to me. “No. I’m good. They can have you Chris” I said before standing up. “Come here ma” he said, his voice unsteady. As if watching me get upset was tearing him apart. “No. Have fun with kayla” I said bitterly before walking out of his bedroom.

He followed me to the living room. “Stop” he said before grabbing my arm and forcing me to face him. “You know this was all a mistake. I should have never poured my time and energy into you” I said harshly. 

“Please go through my phone. I swear to god y/n I haven't even looked at another girl since I've met you” he said, his voice shaky like he was on the verge of crying. “Then who’s Kayla?” I asked. 

He hesitated again. “Nobody important. Please you just have to trust me on this” he responded. “I gave you the chance to tell the truth. Delete my number” I said before walking out of the front door.

By the time I got into my car my eyes were already blurry with tears.

Chris was the first man I let myself get close to. The first person I had done anything semi sexual with since I lost my virginity.

It wasn't about anything sexual though. It was the fact that I felt used. Like he was stringing me along for the fun of it. Like he saw that I trusted him and took advantage of it.

" it's because I’m obsessed with you. It wouldn’t be sex ma, I’ve only had sex with girls I don't care about. I don’t want to have sex with you, I want to make love to and with you. And that scares me"

His words replayed in my head.

If he actually meant what he said he wouldn't be involved with other women.

I trusted him. I cared about him. But all of these months I spent with him. All of the time and energy I poured into him. Was it for nothing? Was this apart of some fucked up plan he had?

I was on the verge of breaking down as I pulled out of the parking lot. My heart was racing and my head was clouded with so many emotions.

I couldn't stand feeling this. I needed to escape.

And I knew the perfect solution. Alcohol.

taglist: @velvetspideruniverse @courta13

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 part 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

A month had passed. Chris and I had gotten even closer. He stayed the night pretty often and even properly met Mia. Mia had suspected something going on between us. She thought it was strange seeing me get close with a man.

She knew I had attachment issues. Which is why she was so confused on how Chris was still around. Because any time I felt like I was getting attached to people, I would run out of fear. But it wasn’t like that with Chris. Well, that was at first.

Chris and I’s friendship felt secure. And anytime overthinking played a role he was always there by my side, reassuring me that he didn’t want to lose me. 

But these past couple days were rough. Chris and I had built a solid friendship. But what made me want to pull away was when I had thoughts of something more with him. 

It started off when he first started staying the night consistently. He got me to open up about my mom. Something I don’t even talk about with Mia. He got me into these conversations where my true feelings were exposed. Where I couldn’t hide behind a mask even if I tried. 

I had never felt so seen before. It scared me. 

And the next thing was when he started remembering small details about me. And attending to me like I was important. Like when he remembered  the fact that I can only sleep if there’s a form of small light somewhere in the room because of my fear of the dark. 

Or when I said my feet hurt from standing on my feet at work all day and at that very moment he ordered compression socks and demanded to give me a foot massage.

He was observant. He was attentive. He cared.

The more time we spent around each other the more he became touchy. And not in a lustful way. But in a way that he was finding any excuse to hold onto me. To hold my hand. To play with my hair. Or simply just cuddle me. 

I had never had a connection like this. I had never been looked at with eyes that weren't lustful before. And anytime I thought about it I got the urge to hide. To run. 

It was rough. This week I had stopped texting him as much. I had started making excuses of why we couldn’t hangout. I started leaving him on read. And I tried to do everything I could to distract myself from the fact that I felt such a strong pull towards him. 

Chris’s POV:

I hated it. I hated when she pulled away from me. I hated that I could sense her need to run before she did. And I hated the fact that I wanted her anyways. No matter how possible the chances of her destroying me were. 

When I met y/n I never expected a bond to be created. At least not to this extent. 

I had spent my entire life avoiding feelings. Avoiding something deep. Only to run into a woman who made me feel emotions deeper than words could articulate. Who made me face my emotions head on instead of running away from them.

The problem wasn’t that I didn’t feel things at all. The problem was simply that I felt things too much. Emotional regulation was something foreign to me. Something I craved but something I had never properly learned.

I became obsessed with y/n even while knowing there was a possibility of her leaving. I was putting myself at risk of getting hurt. And as much as I wanted to pretend her pulling back didn’t hurt. It did. She was the first person I allowed myself to feel for. Truly feel for. 

When it came to messing around with girls every interaction was surface level. Superficial in a way. It was just who I was. Never allowing anyone to know me. Never allowing any emotions involved. 

With y/n it was different. It was real with her. 

Christmas was in 2 days. And we had agreed to do something together. I had texted her earlier but she left me on read. A part of me wanted to give up and pull back as well. To try and pretend I wasn’t under her spell. 

But the bigger, more stubborn part of me refused to give up so fast. 

-

I jumped up from my bed in pure excitement. It was the first time she texted me in two days and I had never felt such a relief before. I texted her back quickly and let her know I was about to be on the way over.

I had spent almost the entire day in my room. Only leaving to go visit my mom in the hospital for a couple hours and then return to my room and avoid all interaction with my father. I was excited to see y/n. I really was.

“Where do you think you're going?” I heard my dad’s voice as I put my shoes on. “Gonna go to a friend's house” I said even though I didn’t need to give him an answer. “No you're not. It’s Christmas” he said sternly.

I looked up at him as he sat on the living room couch. “We're not even celebrating here at home” I said. “Doesn’t matter. You're supposed to be with family on Christmas” he said as he popped open a bottle of beer and took a sip.

I noticed the 5 or 6 bottles of beer that were already opened and empty on the floor next to him. “I don't need your permission to go out” I said. “You live under my roof. So you're gonna obey my rules” he said.

“How about you go spend Christmas with your mistress you fucking prick” I said, feeling anger rise under my skin. My father stood up immediately. “What did you just say?” he asked, his voice raising. 

“You heard me” I said. He stepped closer to me, shooting daggers at me with his eyes. A very sinister look appeared on his face. “Come here” he said. “Go sit the fuck down” I said. And then it was like he snapped. Just like he always does. The face of pure evil was the last thing I saw before he raised his hand.

-

Y/n’s POV:

“Chris what the fuck?” I exclaimed. Chris’s eyebrow was split open and his lip was busted. His nose was bleeding. My heart sunk. “It’s okay mama. Everything's okay” he said, exhaustion pouring out in his voice. His body was still shaking as he wrapped his hands around me and pulled me in for a hug.

“Chris. No. No this isn’t okay. That is never okay” I said, examining his face. He sat on my bed. I felt so helpless on the inside. It killed me to see him like this.

Chris had told me what happened. How the fight started and ended. It was truly sickening how much malicious energy his dad carried. I was lost for words. 

“I’m okay ma. Stop freaking out, everything’s okay” he said as he held onto my hand. He sat right in front of me on my bed. “Stop pretending like this is okay Chris. It’s not fucking okay” I said, my voice rising unintentionally. 

And it was almost as if my words had struck something in him. His eyes immediately filled with tears. “It’ll all be okay” he said barely above a whisper, tears daring to spill from his eyes. I felt violently ill. 

“Chris” I said. “Hmm” he hummed as tears started to fall from his eyes. I grabbed onto his jaw, forcing him to look me in the eye. “You're not going back there. Do you hear me?” I said. And then as if he couldn’t keep it together anymore he broke into a sob. 

I grabbed onto him, hugging him unbelievably tight. Wishing there was a way I could take away every ounce of pain he felt. “Don’t go back there please” I whispered. I ran my fingers through his hair as he cried while I held onto him. 

“Please. Don’t go back” I said as tears started to fill my eyes. 

-

He laid between my legs. Letting me run my fingers through his hair. “I just need you to stay safe” I said. Meaning every word.  “Safe is my middle name” he joked. “I’m serious” I said. He let out a deep breath. “I know ma. I feel safe with you” he said.

And he meant it. You made him feel content. 

He gripped onto my thigh gently. “I love being around you” he said. Not only did the words make my heart flutter, the way he rubbed my thighs up and down was making my stomach flip. He had been so touchy with me tonight.

“I love being around you too” I said. “Wanna be with you all the time” he said as if those words were casual enough to be thrown around. My fingers continued to run through his hair. His hands squeezed onto my thighs softly. “Never wanna lose you” he said. 

“You won’t” I reassured him. “Don’t say things like that if you don't mean it ma” he said. “But I do mean it” I responded. He switched positions. He grabbed onto my body as he laid his back against my bed.

My head laid on his chest as he held onto me. “Then we’re stuck together huh” he said. “Mhm” I hummed. “Good” he said, his hand rubbing up and down my side. 

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 part 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

I woke up feeling like I had the best sleep of my life. But in a matter of seconds my body froze. My heart skipped a beat once I realized Chris’s arms were wrapped around my waist. The thing is it almost felt natural. 

And then almost as if he could hear me thinking he stirred awake. He instantly removed his arms from my waist and sat up. He looked over at me and gave a tired smile. “You sleep okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. Think that was the best I slept in awhile” he admitted. I smiled. He ran his hands through his messy hair. “Swear it feels like you put melatonin in the popcorn last night or something. I never sleep so easily like that” he said. 

He stared off into space for a moment. Like he was in his own world. “I should probably head home. Got a bunch of stuff to do today” he said. I nodded my head. We got off the bed and walked into the living room.

I hated the fact that I dreaded him leaving. He put his shoes on and grabbed his phone off the coffee table. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” he said. I smiled and nodded my head. He stood there for a second, just staring at me like he wanted to say something. 

And then he stepped closer to me. “Thank you” he said. “For what?” I asked. And that’s when he pulled me into a hug without warning. His arms wrapped my waist, his touch gentle and firm at the same time. 

The hug was genuine. Lasting for a few moments longer than a casual hug. We pulled back from each other and he smiled. “I’ll see you around ma” he said. And then I watched him walk out of my front door.

2 days passed since I had seen or heard from Chris. He had been on my mind more than anything else. Wake up in the morning and think about Chris. Before falling asleep at night, think about Chris. 

He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t called. 

So I decided to reach out first. 

He texted back quickly. Telling me he wanted to see me he had just been busy the last couple days. And just when I thought he was going to say he wasn’t free to hangout he had texted me that he’s on his way over. 

“So what are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as we sat on my bed. Christmas was a month away. Something I dreaded. I went to Mia’s place for thanksgiving this year. Even though what I really wanted to do was lock myself in my room and sleep.

 “Don’t know. To be honest I hate the holidays” I said. “Why?” he asked, genuinely curious. “Just reminds me of the family I don’t have” I said truthfully. 

“I feel that” he said. “You wanna do something together?” he asked. I gave him a skeptical look. “You and your family don’t celebrate?” I asked. “We usually do. But not this year” he said. “Why not?” I asked.

He looked away. “My mom” he said blankly. I looked at him, waiting for an explanation. “ She’s been in the hospital for about 4  months now” he said. My stomach turned. “I’m sorry” I said softly. “It’s okay” he said, giving a faux smile.

“You and your mom close?” I asked. He nodded his head. “I’d do anything for her” he said. I could tell he meant what he was saying. “That’s why my dad and I bump heads alot” he said. “Your parents don't get along or something?” I asked. 

“No. They do. Well they did. But my dad and I have always had issues. And they just got worse over time” he said. I listened carefully as he spoke. “The first month of my mom being in the hospital I found him cheating on her with another woman” he continued. 

I started to feel sick as he continued to talk about his relationship with his dad. Explaining the abuse he received was always there throughout his childhood. Emotional and physical. He noted that it way less often when his mom was around. Because she protected him in so many aspects.

 But once his mom was out of the house and in the hospital, the abuse had amplified. He said he never hit his dad back out of respect. Out of love. And that hitting his dad back was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

But he said once he found another woman in the house that wasn’t his mom, the dad’s mistress, he lost control and finally hit him back after all these years. I could hear the grief in his voice. It was real and raw. 

The conversation started to get more deeper as time went by. The topics switched from childhood dreams to religion. From regrets and mistakes to hopes and desires. We were so consumed with each other’s presence that we didn’t realize how much time had gone by. 

It was nearing 2 am and we were still talking. But our positions had moved. Our bodies laid against the bed facing each other. “I wish I knew you sooner” he said. I smiled at his words. 

Chris’s phone started to ring. And my eye’s automatically looked at the caller ID. Not intentionally, kind of just happened. But this time I noticed it wasn’t his dad calling. It said a girl's name. 

He pressed decline quickly and then looked at me. Just as we were about to continue our conversation his phone rang again. “You can answer the call Chris” I said. He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowing. “Dont want to” he said blankly.

And then the thought crossed over me. A girlfriend. I don’t know why I didn’t come to the realization sooner. But now that I did I felt kind of weird. Chris and I are friends. Strictly friends I thought to myself.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing the immediate energy shift. “Nothing” I said hoping my energy wouldn’t give me away. “Your bad at lying” he said. “I just don’t want your girlfriend to think something is going on between us. Should just answer her calls” I said.

He looked at me with a look of confusion. “Girlfriend?” he said. And then I felt a wave of confusion cross over me. “I mean yeah” I said. “Wait- sorry I don’t know why I just jumped to conclusions” I said feeling slightly embarrassed. 

He let a light chuckle fall from his lips. “I don’t have a girlfriend” he said as he tried not to laugh at the pink tint spreading across my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked. I shook my head no. “Never really had a boyfriend” I admit. “Really?” he asked, his eyes widening like he was shocked at the fact.. I nodded my head. 

“What about you? How many girlfriends have you had?” I asked. “Never been in a relationship unless you count the girl I dated in 6th grade for 2 days” he said, a light laugh escaping his mouth.

“But you mess around with girls?” I asked before thinking. He shrugged his shoulders again. He paused before responding. He wasn't about to tell you that he couldn't mess around with other girls recently. Not that he didn't want to, he just couldn't. The only girl that he could focus on nowadays was you.

“All the girls I mess around with know it’s no strings attached” he says nonchalantly. I nodded my head, suddenly feeling smaller than before.

I was well aware that Chris was just my friend. It’s just the fact that he seemed so experienced that made me feel awkward. I damn near had no experience when it came to messing around with guys. 

The only experience I had was losing my virginity to a guy who ghosted me the next day. After that I refused to let myself be touched by another human. It had been 2 years since I had been touched. Simply because I couldn't trust anyone touching me after that.

“Why you getting so quiet?” he asked, observing my energy. “Just tired” I said. “Your not allowed to lie to me” he said. I hated how observant he was sometimes. I shrugged my shoulders. 

“Is it something I said?” he asked. “No. I just get in my head sometimes” I confessed. “Come here” he said. “Huh?” I said. But he was already pulling me into his body. 

His arms wrapped around me. The sudden action made my stomach do the flip thing. “No need to be in your head” he said as he ran his hand through my hair. Instant butterflies piled in my stomach.

He held onto me, spooning my body and playing with my hair. “Too pretty for all that” he whispered against my ear. His touch was soothing and grounding. My eyes were getting heavier by the second.

I tried so hard to fight the sleepy feeling. But it got harder and harder. I heard Chris let out a soft laugh. “Stop fighting your sleep” he said. “Mmm. Never. Sleep is for the weak” I said. His hand gripped onto my waist a little tighter. “Go to sleep mama” he said quietly.

And I tried, really tried, to stay awake. But while he held onto my waist and played with my hair I drifted off into sleep within minutes.

Chris loved how I fell asleep in his arms. He loved it so much that the more he stayed up that night and thought about it, it scared him. But he was good at hiding how he felt from a young age. 

He knew better than to ask god to make this a daily thing. He knew better than to look at you with nothing but sincere real, deep, emotion. He knew better than to fall for someone like you. Someone who was so pure. So raw and genuine. 

He closed his eyes. He knew better. But you gave him a feeling that nobody else has. You made him feel real. You made him feel safe and cared for. You made him feel human again. 

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 part 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

Mia and I talked to each other as we got ready to clock out of work. “Gonna go talk to boss real quick, I'll meet you outside” she said. I clocked out and was ready to go home and shower. But as I walked out of the restaurant my attention was immediately caught when I heard yelling in the parking lot.

My eyes landed on Chris and another guy our age. “What the fuck is wrong with you” the guy yelled at Chris. Chris swung on the guy, his punch connecting with the man’s face. 

Adrenaline washed over me. “Chris!” I yelled across the parking lot. But Chris was laser focused on the man in front of him. The man swung at Chris but missed, causing him to stumble forward. “Too slow” Chris chuckled before punching the guy in the face once again. 

“Chris!” I yelled. “Oh my god what the fuck is happening?” I heard Mia’s voice from behind me. Chris swung on the man, again and again. The man fell onto the ground wincing at the pain. 

“Chris!” I yelled once again. Mia followed behind me as I walked over towards him. “Dude. Stop he’s on the fucking ground!” Mia yelled as we got closer to Chris. He finally looked at Mia and I, a look of confusion appearing. 

“Dude your gonna get the fucking cops called” Mia said looking down at the man on the pavement. “Whatever” Chris said looking down at the man like he still wanted to pounce on him. 

Moments later we heard police sirens. Chris ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck” he said under his breath. “Come on y/n i’m not getting involved with whatever this lunatic has going on” Mia said. 

“What. No” I said to Mia. “What do you mean no?” She asked. Chris looked at me and then at Mia. “Come with us” I said to Chris. “What?” the two of them said at the same time. “Just drop him off with me at my place” I said to Mia.

“You know him?” she asked. “Yeah. I’ll explain later but we need to go now” I said, hearing the police sirens get closer. Once we were inside Mia’s car we headed to my apartment. The ride was quiet, letting me get lost in my thoughts.

I wondered what caused Chris to get violent with that man. I wondered if things had gotten any better at his house. If his dad had hit him again or not. I wondered what Chris thought about. What was going on inside his mind. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Mia said looking at me. We said our goodbyes and Chris followed me inside my apartment. We sat on the couch across from each other. 

“So what was that about?” I asked him. “Nothing important” he said. Always vague. Always guarded. “I’m not here to judge you Chris” I said. And I was telling him the truth. I truly had no room to judge. 

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s nothing” he said once again. I stared at him as he avoided eye contact. I didn’t want to corner him into telling me what happened. So instead I asked if he wanted to do something.

“Like what?” he asked. “I don’t know. We can watch a movie or play a card game or literally anything” I said. He looked at me and smiled. “You're so cute” he said. But the tone of his voice made it seem like he was joking. Like he was being sarcastic. 

“Okay whatever then. We don’t have to do anything. Go out and get in some more trouble” I said. He held his hands up like he was surrendering. “I’m just playing around with you. We can watch a movie or show together” he said.

I walked to the kitchen and made some popcorn as Chris scrolled through Netflix. I grabbed the bowl of popcorn and some water bottles and headed back to the living room. This time I sat right next to him. 

“Want to watch stranger things?” he asked. I nodded my head and he pressed play. We watched the show in silence for a while. Eating popcorn and throwing in some commentary every now and then.

It was nearing midnight and Chris and I were still watching the show. The popcorn was finished and my eyes started to get a little heavy.

I looked at his hand, noticing the dried up blood on his knuckles. “You know, when I tell you to be safe I mean it” I said. He looked over at me, an unreadable expression on his face. And then he nodded his head. 

“You're so pure, ya know that?” he said. “Not pure. Just human” I responded. 

A moment of silence passed. “We’re so different” he said. “Why do you think that?” I asked. “Because you're kind. You smile even if there’s no reason to. And you didn’t let any ugly experiences you had turn you into an ugly human” he said. 

“But me- I just- I guess turned into someone that I said I was never gonna be like” he said. “Explain”. He let out a deep breath. “I’m just full of anger. And I let it consume me” he says before looking away. “I don’t want to be angry. I just am” he said.

My heart twisted at his words. This was the first time I heard vulnerability in Chris’s voice. Truly I felt empathy for him.

“But that makes you human. You're allowed to be angry. Or even happy. Or sad” I said. I grabbed onto his hand and rubbed over his knuckles gently. His eyes locked onto mine. “You're allowed to be human” I said. 

He nodded his head as we stared into each other’s eyes. I let go of his hand and returned my attention back to the t.v. And I didn’t realize it but Chris had continued to stare at me. Like he was stuck in a trance.

Eventually time passed and Chris had fallen asleep on the couch. It was the first time I seen him look content. I didn’t mind that he had fallen asleep. Or if he stayed the night. I just wanted him to be comfortable.

I grabbed a blanket from my room and placed it over him. I watched his chest rise and fall for a little bit before I fell asleep on the other side of the couch.

I didn’t know how long I had been asleep for. But I had awakened after hearing Chris’s phone ring. He was in such a deep sleep that he didn’t even move at the sound of his phone going off. 

I looked at the caller ID that said dad. 

His dad was calling him at 4 am. And I didn’t know if that was necessarily a good thing or not.  “Chris” I said from across the couch. But he didn’t respond. I stood up and walked over to him. He looked so peaceful that I almost let him continue to sleep.

“Chris” I said nudging his shoulder. He stirred around, still not fully awake. I repeated his name before shaking him a little. “Huh” he said opening his eyes slightly. “Your dad’s been calling you” I say.

He yawns, the tiredness showing in his eyes. “It’s okay. I’ll call him back later” he said. His voice raspy and raw. “You sure?” I asked. “Mhm” he hummed. I watched as Chris closed his eyes again. 

“Chris” I said. “Yeah?”. Hesitation came. He noticed. He propped himself up on his elbows. “What time is it?” he asked. “4 am” I said. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on the couch. “I’m so sorry I don’t even remember falling asleep” he said.

“It’s okay” I said. He sat there. Almost in a dissociated state. “I didn’t mean to overstay. I’m gonna head home” he said. “No- no you don't have to leave” I said. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to sleep in my room. The couch can get uncomfy after awhile” I said.

His eyes locked onto mine. “In your room?” he asked. I nodded my head. “Unless you want to leave” I said. He sat for a couple seconds without saying anything. Just staring off into space like he was deep in thought. 

But he was brought back to reality when his phone started ringing once again. He looked at the caller ID that said dad and then looked back up at me. “You sure I can stay?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

“Okay” he said. He left his phone out in the living room and followed me to my bedroom.

We laid down on the bed. I pulled the blanket over us and laid on my side facing him. He laid on his side to face me. For a moment we just stared at each other. The quiet that surrounded us was peaceful. “You okay?” he asked. “Mhm” I hummed. 

“I hope you sleep well” he said with a soft smile on his face. “You too” I responded.

I didn’t let myself fall asleep until I heard his light snores. 

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

pt 1 part 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

The entire week I kept replaying that night. The yelling. The black eye and bloody nose. I made my own theories about what happened that night. It was truly sickening how much I thought about it.

I almost felt as if maybe it was a dream. That I imagined that whole night. 

Out of respect I didn’t tell anyone about it. Not that I had anyone to tell besides Mia. I worked a double shift last night and had the next two days off. And so my plans today were to relax. 

I heard a knock on my door and already knew who it was. 

“Listen we both have the next two days off. I know that you don’t like clubs or bars but I think you should come with me tonight. It’s just a little kickback at a friends house. Nothing too crazy” Mia said. 

I didn’t drink or smoke often. I didn’t go out to clubs or bars. I didn’t like being in that type of environment. Growing up around addicts my whole life really steered me away from the party scene. Addiction ran in my blood. 

The only time I drank or smoked was truly once in a blue moon. I was always cautious. Aware of how easy it is to fall under the spell of substances. But because I hadn’t let myself let loose for so long I decided to go with her. 

Once we arrived at her friend's house anxiety pricked under my skin. She forgot to mention how many people would be here. Not tons and tons but definitely more than I was expecting. 

I stuck to her side for the entire night. Only allowing myself to take two shots and a couple hits of a blunt. But considering I don’t indulge in drug use often, I was a lightweight. So It didn’t take much for me to start being more outgoing, more careless. 

I talked with randoms, danced with randoms, laughed with randoms. 

Everything was going smoothly. Until it wasn’t. I had taken 2 more shots. Multiple more hits of the blunt. And that’s when I had started to feel dizzy. My body felt light as a feather. 

I needed to ground myself. I needed to get out of the crowded room. I needed to breathe. So my next mission was to get outside without falling anywhere. I tried my best to focus on my balance.

Once I opened the front door, the fresh air hit me and I felt relieved. I sat down on the porch steps and took some much needed breaths. “What are you doing here?” I heard from behind me. 

I turned around to be met with the man I couldn’t stop thinking about for the past week. “Came with my friend, what are you doing here?” I asked. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Got invited” he said as he put a cigarette between his lips. 

“Come sit next to me” I said. The alcohol definitely making it easier to be social. He stared at me, an unreadable expression on his face. But he sat down next to me anyway. “You should let me hit that” I said pointing at the cigarette. “You smoke?” he asked. 

I shook my head “only when there's alcohol in my system”. He handed me the cigarette. I took a hit, the smoke going straight to my lungs. “I see that your eye is better” I said. He looked down at his feet. 

I handed him back the cigarette. “Was it your dad?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded his head yes as he avoided eye contact. “What happened?” I asked. He let out a deep breath. “Nothing important” he said.

“Well I'm sorry. Hope you're okay”. He shook his head before letting out a sigh. “Don’t need your pity” he said. “It’s not pity. I’m being genuine. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment” I responded. 

He finally made eye contact with me. And for a moment the mask he was wearing fell. A look of exhaustion, hurt and defeat was clear in his expression. But it was replaced with irritation quickly. “You don’t know me. Stop acting like you do” he said. 

Seconds later he put out the cigarette and stood up. “I gotta go. See you around” he said before walking away. I watched as he walked down the street all the way until he turned the corner and was out of sight. 

He was strange. But in an intriguing way. 

2 days had passed since the kickback. Mia and I were back at work serving rude and ungrateful customers. The day had passed by pretty quickly and next thing you know I was back at home for the night.

I took a shower and did my night routine. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Until I heard a knock on my door. My heart dropped since I knew Mia was out of town visiting her parents. Every step that I took towards the door I prayed it wasn’t my mother waiting on the other side.

I opened the door, shock and surprise filled my body.

“Chris? What are you doing here?”

Synopsis for Divine Lover: Chris and Y/n happened to meet under unfortunate circumstances. But the question is do you blame coincidence or fate?

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure. this series will include sensitive topics. mental health issues. violence. substance abuse. smut.

Part 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9 final part

Graduation was 3 months ago. My life since then has been boring. Not that it wasn’t boring before considering I didn’t really have an eventful high school experience. The most excitement I get nowadays comes from my waitress job. Where I just so happened to meet my one and only best friend Mia. 

My days currently consist of work, doomscrolling and sleep. Technically I’ve lived on my own since I turned 18. Moving out on graduation day, not even thinking twice about it. But even when I lived with my mother I was on my own back then too. 

My mother hasn’t reached out to me since I moved out. Probably too busy trying to find her new drug fixation. Last time I saw her she was screaming at me. Asking how she was going to be able to pay for rent if I wasn't there. Because as soon as I turned 16 and got a job I was the one who paid the bills. Just so she could use whatever little money she had on drugs and impulsive decisions. 

Independence was something I learned early on. Not necessarily by choice, but it was a necessity if I wanted to stay alive. So if anything, living alone was a type of freedom I enjoyed and yearned for since a young age. 

As I sit in my apartment and scroll through social media I realized I hadn’t done anything productive today. It made me feel icky. So I decided to get up, put some clothes on and go for a walk. 

As I walked around the neighborhood the sun was setting. It was peaceful. I thought about texting Mia and asking her to hangout. But I realized she worked today and was probably exhausted. 

As I continued to walk down the block I thought about my mother. What she could possibly be doing these days. If she’s even alive. If she’ll ever realize how fucked up her actions and choices are. And just as my thoughts were about to spiral I'm pulled back into reality when I hear shouting coming from a little bit down the street.

“You can’t just fucking leave!” I hear a man’s voice yell. And then I see a boy, who looks my age storm out of a house and walk in my direction. “Get back here!” I hear as an older man steps out of the front door and onto the porch. “Fuck you!” the boy who’s my age yells back towards the older man before continuing to walk in my direction.

“Don’t fucking come back you piece of shit!” the older man yells. My movement comes to a stop. Frozen and curious. Also kind of scared. The boy my age notices me finally. And as he gets closer I now see that his eye is black and his nose is bleeding. 

I stood in place on the sidewalk. Not knowing what to do. “Fuck you looking at?” the boy asks as his steps bring him closer to me. “Are you okay?” I asked. He stops once he gets in front of me, about 3 feet apart. 

“I’m fine. Mind your business” he snaps, looking at me with annoyance on his face. “I’m sorry. You just don't look too good right now” I responded awkwardly. The boy’s breathing is heavy and unsteady. 

“Do you have a car by chance?” he asks. “Um- I mean I live around the corner. Do you need a ride or something?” I ask. “Yeah could you take me across town. My car is in the shop and I need to get the fuck away from here” he says. 

“Um- okay just follow me back to my place” I said. He follows behind me as we walk back to my place. My nerves are unsettled. I wanted to ask what happened. I wanted to know why he had a black eye and bloody nose. But I figured now wasn’t the time or place to ask. 

I also wondered why I agreed to give a ride to a stranger. I could have just continued to walk and act invisible. But I didn’t, and now we stood in front of my place looking at each other. “You have to let me clean the cut on your eye” I said. 

“What? I didn’t ask for you to try and become a doctor. I asked for a ride” he said. “I know. But the cut can easily get infected” I responded. He stared at me with confusion on his face. “You don’t even know me. I could rob you right now and your offering to clean a cut on my face” he responds. 

I stared back at him. He had a point. He really did. But I was stubborn. 

“Fine” he said, finally giving in. 

I walked him into my apartment. He followed me to my bathroom and watched as I pulled out a first aid kit. I grabbed a cloth and ran it under warm water. And then I pulled out a saline solution. 

“Okay stand still” I said. He stood in front of me as I gently pressed the cloth onto the cut on his eye. I tried my best to be cautious. He stared down at me and our eyes locked as I held the cloth to the cut. 

“What’s your name?” he asked. “Y/n” I said. “What’s yours?” I questioned. “Chris” he said. 

After cleaning the cut and putting a tiny bandaid on him he washed the dried up blood from his nose with warm water. “Okay now that your done playing doctor can you take me to my friends house?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

The car ride was silent. The only noise heard was when he was giving directions. “Turn left, okay now after the stoplight turn right”. 

Once we were parked in front of im assuming his friends house he thanked me for the ride. “You didn’t have to play hero tonight. I appreciate you though” he said. “Yeah. Hope everything's okay” I said quietly. 

He stared into my eyes like he was searching for something. Silence fell over us for a couple seconds. “Could you possibly do me a favor and not tell anyone what you saw” he said. His voice sounding a little nervous. “Yeah. Didn’t see anything” I respond.

“Alright cool. Thanks. It was nice to meet you y/n” he said, a tired smile appearing on his lips. I nod my head and then he gets out of the car. “Be safe” I yell out. He turns around and winks. 

The entire drive home felt unreal.

Shoutout to everybody who’s been showing love to my account & fics. It means so much. I don’t post as often as I would like. But when I do post and I get to see everybody’s support it makes my heart so happy.

First Love

Tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day I commit myself to Matthew Sturniolo for the rest of my life. I should be shaking with excitement. And for the most part I am. Except I couldn’t help but feel like this was possibly the worst decision of my life.

Matt and I had been dating for 2 years. Is it crazy to feel like marrying him was rushing things? 

And is it crazy to say his brother was the only person I ever felt madly in love with? 

Yes Matt is everything I should want. He’s loyal. He’s caring. Even my parent’s love him. But to be completely honest, Chris was everything that nobody else could be. 

Chris and I had been involved with each other on and off throughout high school. He was a grade above me and we never put a label on what we had but it was deeper than anything I had ever experienced. 

It started off with us hanging out with mutual friends since we had the same friend group. And then it slowly became just us two. Sneaking away from the friend group to be alone with each other’s presence. 

Then when that friend group fell apart it was just us two against the world. 

Chris was mean. He had always been in trouble and was overall reckless. But not with me. He was soft with me. Gentle and cautious. 

He would sneak through my window in high school. And it started off as casual. As casual as it could be. He would come over after school and bake with me. Or stay up with me all night to listen to me vent. To listen to me talk just because he loved hearing my voice.

And then everything changed after he took my virginity. 

He became distant. He became detached. 

I had spent days and nights crying, wondering what I did wrong. Wondering if things would ever return back to how they were. And then he stopped coming around. Stopped texting me. Stopped showing up to my window in the middle of the night.

A couple months passed before I heard from him again. And then he came back. He always did. 

We would go from being with each other 24/7 to not talking for weeks or even months. It was like a push and pull effect. 

It was addicting. 

It got serious when he found out I started dating some guy from my Math class. The moment he found out he was at my door step.

“Why are you with him?” he asked. “Because he cares. He treats me right” I said. Chris scoffed like he was offended. “He doesn’t deserve you” he said. And that started an argument. And it ended with him eating me out, telling me he loves me as he licks deliberately slow against my clit. 

I had broken up with my boyfriend a couple days later because the guilt of cheating on him with Chris consumed me.

Fast forward a couple months and Chris had gotten into a relationship. I blocked him on everything. Ready to let go of him. Ready to move on, since he clearly had. But then he showed up to my door step once again.

“You're in a relationship Chris. Why are you here?” I asked as he sat on my bed. He shrugged his shoulders. “I miss you” he said. “No. This is wrong. You have a girlfriend” I said. “I need you though” he said.

We argued. I tried so hard to get him to see that it was wrong. To get it through his head that we needed to let eachother go. But it ended with him inside me, my nails digging into his back, a whining mess.

“I can’t love anyone else. I love you mama” he said as he penetrated in and out of me. “I love you too” I whined from underneath him. “Forgive me. For everything. I need you” he said as his strokes sped up.

Moans of ecstasy fell from my mouth. “I can’t stay away from you” the ending of his words turning into a moan before his lips found mine. Our tongues swirled around one another as he thrusted harder into me. 

After we both came we laid there naked together. He held onto me, kissing my bare shoulder and playing with my hair until we both fell asleep. 

Time passed and Chris and I hadn’t talked in 4 months. But then graduation day came. He found me outside of the school and handed me a bouquet of flowers.

“What are these for?” I asked grabbing the flowers out of his hand. He shrugged his shoulders. “Proud of you” he said smiling. “Yeah? Well thanks I guess” I said. “Come on, don't be like that” he said. “Like what?” I responded coldly. “Just accept the flowers” he said. 

“I did. Now leave me alone” I said before turning on my heel and walking away from him. But my movements came to a halt as he grabbed my arm. “Y/n” he said. “What?” I snapped. “Just know your the only girl I ever loved” he said. “I know you don’t want anything to do with me, okay I understand. But I’ll always love you. No matter how much time passes” he said. I stared at him dumbfounded. “You have a lot of nerve showing up to my graduation Chris” I said. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” he said.

“Yeah whatever” I said. “I love you” he said. I didn’t say it back. I just walked away with a heavy heart. Knowing he was the only person I ever loved too. 

Fast forward to now I was 2 years deep into a relationship with Matt, getting married to him tomorrow. 

Chris had moved out of town after my graduation. So I didn’t have to worry about running into him. But tonight was the first night I would be put back into a room with Chris after 2 years. 

Chris had came to town in preparation to go to the wedding tomorrow. He was a groomsmen for Matt, something I never thought I would say outloud. 

I didn’t know how things would be between us. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know if he had changed or not. I didn’t know what he had been up to for the last 2 years. And as much as I tried to convince myself that i’d be okay with seeing him again it wasn’t working.

I had just got done cooking when we heard a knock on the front door. Nick was already here so that meant it was most definitely Chris on the other side of that door. 

“I missed you so much” Nick said grabbing onto Chris. “I missed you too” he said. Matt, Nick and Chris stood there latching onto each other, giving each other long hugs. And then it happened. Chris’s eye’s locked onto mine.

His eyes softened for a moment, like seeing me hurt. But it was quickly replaced with a convincing mask. “Y/n” he said as he smiled. “Heyy” I said with a smile on my face. He walked over to me and gave a side hug. Respectful. Cautious. 

We all sat at the dinner table eating food and enjoying each other’s company. Time passed and we moved to the living room. Matt sat next to me while Nick and Chris sat on the other couch. 

Matt’s phone rang, an incoming call from another one of his groomsmen. “Hey what’s up” he said into the phone. “Oh shit. Just stay there I’ll be on the way” he said. Matt hung up the phone and looked at me.

“Don’t be mad but Elijah and his girlfriend are stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire” he said. “Oh my god where?” I asked. “About 45 minutes away” he said. Nick and Chris exchanged glances. 

“Is it okay if I go help them out?” he asked. “Yeah it’s okay. Just be safe” I said. “Okay I'll try to be fast baby” he said before kissing my lips. I didn’t even mean to, but my eyes stayed open during the kiss. And landed on Chris, his jaw clenched as he looked away. Almost as if he was trying to keep his composure. 

“You guys coming?” Matt asked his brothers. “I can come for moral support” Nick joked. “Is it okay if I just stay here? Want to take a shower and go to sleep” Chris said. Matt looked at me, almost silently asking if I was okay with that. I nodded my head. 

“Okay we’ll be back” Matt said. 

Chris and I watched Matt and Nick exit the house. Leaving us two alone. 

“So what have you been up to?” Chris asked once the car left the driveway. “Um- you know. Just been working. Been doing good though. Staying on track” I said. “Yeah? You excited about getting married?” he asked. 

I nodded my head. “What about you though? You kind of disappeared after my graduation. What you been up to for the past two years?” I asked. Trying to keep the conversation going. “You know me. Been doing good” he said vaguely.

Silence fell over us for a while. I scrolled through my phone pretending to be distracted. Nothing could have prepared me for what Chris was about to say. “I’m glad you found someone who treats you right, even if it is my brother” he said.

I stared at him, lost for words. I didn’t respond. I needed space. I needed distance. I stood up and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a cup to fill up with water. “You want something to drink?” I asked Chris from across the kitchen.

He stood up and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a cup and filled it up with water. We both stood there. Sipping our water. And then he set his cup down on the counter. “Y/n” he said. And by the tone of his voice, I could tell what he was about to say was no good.

“I know you're getting married. And I'm happy for you. I really am. But I’ve missed you alot” he said. “Chris” I said, trying to stop this conversation from happening. “No- no just listen to me, okay?” he said. 

“After your graduation I moved. I couldn’t stand being in this town anymore. Everywhere I looked there were memories of us. I couldn’t do it anymore so I left” he said. “No stop talking to-” I said but he cut me off. “Listen to me” he said as he stepped closer to me.

“I know that what we had- it wasn't- it wasn't the healthiest thing ever. But it was real” he said. My heart beat picked up. “You hurt me, Chris” I said, the words spilling out without thinking.

 “I know ma. I know I did. But you have to understand that we were young. I was dumb. So, so dumb” he said, taking another step towards me. “I was so reckless and you deserved so much better than that” he continued. 

“I know that I seem like the biggest dick ever right now, the timing is terrible. But I need you to know that I still love you. I’ll always love you” he said. “Fuck you Chris” I said, tears starting to form in my eyes.

“You had all this time! All of this time and you wait until the day before my wedding!” I yelled. “I’m sorry” he whispered as he grabbed onto my hands. “I was scared okay, so scared of loving you because I knew there was a chance of you leaving me” he confessed. 

“I’ve missed you so much y/n” he said. His hands were still holding onto mine. “I don’t expect you to call off your wedding. I just need to show you how much I love you one last time. I need you to feel how much I've missed you” he said. His hands dropping my hands and clinging onto my jaw.

He wiped the singular tear that fell from my eye. He stared into my eyes. “Just let me love you” he whispered, our faces inches apart. And then something in me broke. I leaned in, my lips brushing his. 

“Show me, show me how much you’ve missed me” I said. He didn’t waste anytime. He kissed me once, softly. Like he was testing the waters. And then pulled back scanning my face to see if I was okay.

And then his lips found mine again. His tongue slid slowly inside my mouth. The kisses became sloppy, slow but steady. He let out a small moan into my mouth, like he was deeply desperate to feel me again. 

“Take me to your room” he said. He held onto my hand as I led him to the room I shared with Matt. “This is where you guys sleep together?” he asks, looking around. I nodded my head. “Was supposed to be me that you fall asleep to every night” he said before attacking my lips again.

His hands gripped onto my waist. “This is the last time okay, then we’ll let each other go” he said as he took my shirt off and tossed it onto the ground. My back laid against the bed. “Gonna take these off of you, show you what making love feels like” he said as he pulled my sweatpants off. 

“Is that okay?” he asked. “Yeah, hurry up” I said, the neediness in my voice making his dick twitch. He slid my panties off and threw them onto the ground. “So wet for me” he said, his fingers sliding through my folds.

My body squirmed. He laid between my legs as he placed wet kisses up and down my inner thighs. My fingers ran through his hair, the anticipation killing me. And then he licked a stripe from the bottom of my entrance all the way to my clit. Slow and deliberate. 

A whimper fell from my lips. His tongue started to flick my clit, my hands pulling his hair. My back arched against the bed as he let his tongue work on me. “Fuck” I cried out. He stuck a finger inside my pussy, penetrating it in and out as his tongue circled my clit. 

“So good y/n” he said before adding another finger. I was a mess. Truly a mess. His fingers curled just right, something that Matt’s fingers never did. “Look how they slide in and out, your soaking” he said. 

“Gonna come already?” he asked as he felt my pussy clench around his fingers. “Oh baby, your doing so good” he purred. He picked the pace of his fingers up, hitting my g spot over and over. “Fuck” he said, loving how responsive my body was to him. 

Seconds later my body was trembling, coming on his fingers. He smiled watching the scene unfold. “Come here” he said as he took his pants off. My breath was unsteady, my body already weak.

“You're gonna come again, but around my cock this time” he said with a wicked smile on his face. He kissed me slowly, biting my bottom lip before sucking on it. He slid his dick between my soaking folds. 

And then he pushed the tip of his head inside my pussy but paused his movements. “Your so beautiful mama” he said. That stupid pet name he called me always made me weak. I nodded my head.

And then he pushed all the way in, holding still for just a moment. “You feel how deep I am in you?” he said. “You feel so good” he whispered before pulling all the way back out and then pushing all the way back in.

Moans and whimpers fell from my lips unrelentingly. My nails dug into his back. “He doesn't know you like I do” Chris said before pounding into me. “He doesn’t know your body like I do” he says, his thrusting getting faster. 

“He doesn’t know how many times I’ve ate your pussy until you cried and forgot your own name” he said, his thrust powerful and intentional.

“I bet he doesn’t know how much you love being teased. Or that eye contact during sex makes you weak” he said.

“He doesn’t know how many times I’ve filled you to the brim. Just for you to beg for more. I bet he doesn’t know about that pregnancy scare we had” he said, my moans getting louder.

“I bet he doesn’t know that you used to send me videos of you playing with yourself. Or that you’d show up to my house with no underwear on under your skirt just to get a reaction out of me” he said, placing his hand on my throat, not tight just there.

“I love you baby, you love me back?” he says, his strokes deep and steady. “Yes- god- yes I love you” I whined. “Mhm that’s my girl” he coaxed. He reached between our bodies to rub on my clit as he pushed in and out of my pussy.

“God I love you so much baby” he said. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. “Mhm you love the way I make you feel” he chuckled. My nails dug deeper and harder into his back. “Fuckk” he moaned, his dick thrusting into me just the right way.

“I bet he doesn’t know that we used to make love for hours and hours until your legs were numb” he said. “Does he know that baby?” He asked. “Nooo” I cried out.

I was so gone, so deeply gone for him. He stared down at where our bodies connected, loving the way my pussy swallowed his cock. He couldn’t get enough of it. If he could tattoo this moment onto his brain, he would.

“I’ll always love you. I’ll always be here for you. Anytime you need me. Call me. Text me. I’ll answer you I promise baby” he said into my ear. The sounds of our juices mixing together only made me more weak.

“Anytime. Anyplace” he said, his cock kissing my cervix. “I needed you so bad” I cried out, my body on fire with pleasure. “I know, im here now. Im here” he said moving my hair out of my face. 

“Your so deep- I cant- I cant” I whined out as he continued to give deep strokes. “I know baby, I know. I’m right here” he coaxed. “Feels so good- fuck- so good” I whined. He grabbed onto my jaw, forcing my mouth to open. He let his spit drool down into my mouth as he kept penetrating. 

My orgasm was close, so close and so overwhelming. “Chris” I cried out, tears starting to form in my eyes. “It’s okay baby, you can take it” he said. He thrusted harder into me and I shut my eyes.

“No, none of that. Open your eyes baby” he said. And I did. He stared into my eyes with so much passion and love that it hurt. “Never meant to hurt you my sweet girl. So beautiful- fuck- I can’t lose you” he said.

“I’m so fucking addicted to you” he said, his dick hitting my g spot over and over. “Never want to stop” he said pushing in and out at just the right pace.

“Chris” I whined, losing myself in the pleasure. “Come for me” he spoke. And just like that my pussy clenched against his cock, squeezing as my orgasm took over. “That’s it baby, good girl” he whispered as his strokes became sloppy.

“Don’t want to pull out” he said. “So don’t” I said. And his eyes darkened, completely gone. “Fuckk” he moaned as his cock let hot spurts of seed fill me. 

We laid there for a moment, his body on top of mine, his dick still inside me. And for the first time in years I felt like I was home. He was my home. He was the one person who held me down to earth.

“Need to get you cleaned up” he said pulling out of me. And I hated the way I pulled him back into me. I grabbed onto his softened dick and pushed it back inside of me. My walls envolpoing his cock.

“Fuck baby are you trying to kill me?” he asked. I felt his dick start to harden inside of me. “Just hold still Chris” I whispered, my hands grabbing onto his hair. “If you want to go again just say that baby” he said. 

“Just need you to hold me” I said. His body relaxed into me, his arms bear hugging me as he tried not to give in and thrust into me. Tears started to form in my eyes. I didn’t want to lose him again. I didn’t want to marry his brother. I just needed him.

“Oh baby, I know, I know. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay” he said. “I love you” I whispered. “I love you more mama” he said, struggling to keep still as his cock was still inside me.

“Just tell me what you're thinking” he said. His need to hear my voice overpowering everything. “I just love you Chris. I don't think I ever stopped loving you” I admitted. His lips found mine. He kissed me softly. Like I was fragile and delicate. 

“I’m here” he whispered as he kissed down my neck. “You know i’ll always be here” he said placing his hand over my heart. “I can’t have you leave Chris. The last time you left I didn’t see you for 2 years” I said trying to hold my tears back.

He laid his head on my chest and let out a deep breath. “What do you want me to do mama? You're supposed to marry my brother tomorrow, do you want me to pack up my stuff and move back here?” he said. 

My heart hurt. I was so torn. 

“I told you that if you need me at anytime I’ll come to you. I’ll always come to you. It doesn’t matter how much time or separation passes. I’ll always be here for you” he said. “He might get to marry you but I know your heart belongs to me. Just like mine belongs to you” he said.

“Kiss me ma” he said. And I did. “We need to get you cleaned up before he comes back, okay?” he said before pulling out of me. I whimpered from the sudden emptiness.

“Come here” he said holding a wet cloth. He cleaned me up and then helped me put my clothes back on. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I felt too many emotions at once. My heart ached as Chris sat in front of me.

“Stop staring at me like that” he said. “Like what?” I said. “Like you're thinking about calling off the wedding” he responded. He titled his head, observing my energy. “Come here” he said holding his hands out. 

“It was supposed to be us. Not your brother and I” I said breaking into a sob as he held me. “Shhh, baby don’t cry” he said. “It’s still me and you. It’ll always be us” he said, his chest aching. He stroked my hair as he held onto me.

“Need to kiss you” he said, his voice strained like he was trying not to cry. He planted a kiss to my cheek and then my lips. He grabbed onto my hand and played with the engagement ring that sat on my ring finger.

“When he comes back you need to remind yourself why your with him” he said. I looked at him with a confused expression on my face. “He treats you good y/n” he said as he continued to play with the ring on my finger. 

“But I promise, when our time comes I'll treat you better” he said. “I promise” he said. “I love you” he whispered, voice shaky. “I love you too” I whispered back.