"𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞."
introducing
&
“𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞”
he’s cold. closed off. the kind of boy who keeps his heart under lock and key and swears he lost the key years ago. matt doesn’t let anyone in. doesn’t even let himself in. he numbs his days with whatever he can get his hands on, convinces himself that as long as he’s high enough, detached enough, nothing can hurt him. especially not love.
and then there’s you.
the sweetheart. the soft voice in the middle of all his noise. you’re the one person he wants to love, the one person he tries to reach for… until he panics and shoves you away like affection is a loaded gun pointed straight at his face.
so he tests you. uses you. pushes himself to see if maybe, maybe this time he can love you without falling apart. he swears he can’t. tells you that every time you catch a glimpse of the softness he hides.
“it was just sex.”
“but you said—”
“i say a lot, alright? i don’t do allat love shit.”
but he does. god, he does. he loves you so much it terrifies him. it ruins him. he’ll touch you like you’re the only thing keeping him breathing, then pull away like it never meant anything. he’ll use you when he’s high, then break down alone afterward because you’re sweet, too sweet for him, and he hates himself for wanting you anyway, because he knows he could never give you everything you deserve.
and you? you’re drowning. you smoke, you drink, you spiral whenever he shuts down again. it kills you to love someone who can’t decide if he wants to hold you or run from you. but you stay. because you see him—not the cold, not the lies, not the mask he hides behind. the real him. the boy who cries alone. the boy who wants love so badly it scares him into pretending he doesn’t need it at all.
it’s a cycle. it’s messy. it hurts.
but it’s you and him.
and you’re both too far gone to walk away.
warning: this au will contain a lot of heavy & emotional themes such as addiction, drug abuse, negative body image/insecurities, and just in general sensitive topics. please read the warnings at the beginning of every chapter/blurb, etc.!!
introducing avoidant-attachment!matt
cold. self-sabotaging. carries guilt like a second skin. shaky hands. looks at you with soft eyes when you’re not looking. distant. addict. hates physical touch unless he has sex with someone. terrified of the love he so badly craves. eye bags. dark light by night lovell.
i’m sorry but how on earth did lights down low get on here. spotify fucked me over because here are three artists that i listened to more than 3, 4 & 5
- 3 should be night lovell thanks.
- 4 i’ll give to carti cause ngl i listened to a lot… even though it could have been system of a down.
-5 HAS to be esdeekid realistically because unfortunately i did listen to a lot of his shit.
anyway i’ll take it, gonna do better next year. 😔