Where do I start...? This has all been so... crazy... the last few days ahhaha
I guess I'll start with, im so fucking sorry. Im sorry that I hurt you so much, especially at first. I know you told me to stop apologizing, but at least let me get one in. ;) i still hurt you so let me take accountability for that, im so sorry I love you so fuckibg much.
I guess thats another thjng that should be addressed haha. I feel like ive said it a million times over but its true. i promise its true. No matter what. i love you meeksie so so much <3
but I dont want you to get hurt. so i guess ill tell you now... i talked to knox, a bit. even keating, for a few minutes. and they helped me to realize that I dont feel those kind of emotions towards... well, anyone, girl or guy or whoever.
regardless, loving you is about the closest I can get to that. i just dont want you to be disappointed that it's not that. if you dont wanna... do this anymore with me, i get it. i swear i get it. i think ill keep loving you anyways but yeah haha
i really do love you meeksie. i love when you stutter and when you read your poems at the cave and when you look so happy when you do well on a test snd when you invite me to study (even when you kick pittsie out) and your freckles and when youre thinking really hard about something and you take your glasses off to clean them and even without the dirty blonde hair :) i know its not quite in the same way that you love me, but I think ive made my peace with that. or I'm at least starting to lol.
if youre fine with, well, something in the middle, im fine with that too. not dating, or whatever, but, like you said, more than friends. i dont think id like to date anyone. not like that. but other than that im fine as long as youre here :)
so... consider it? (and maybe dying your hair as the next order of business:)
i lovr you
Uhm wow..cam :)
First of all, i love you too :)) so much..and second, for someone who doesn’t love me like that you sure say it a lot 😌 but all jokes aside, it’s really okay that you don’t feel that way, there’s nothing wrong with that :)
This is longer than my confession letter, pass it to Mr. Keating and you’ll be top of the class :)))
Are you proposing right now, cameron? :)))) because if you are, I’m considering it. And i’m gonna say yes. :)))
(No dyeing of hair)
well, mr keating inspired me to write it, at least sort of, so... (and bold of you to assume Im not already top of the class haha:)
... are you sure? I just really, really dont want you to feel like youre putting more into this than youre getting out. i dont want you to get stuck with someone who doesnt truly reciprocate, not really, if thats not what you want.
... You realize, right, that no matter how much i say i love you its not the same? It isn't and nrver will be... I just dont want you to waste your teen years or whatever with me. maybe thats stupid. i dont know.
but in that case, steven, maybe I am. ;)
(im not sure about it if you refuse to dye your hair though...:)
Richard, you don’t get to decide what’s a waste for me :p
I hear what you’re saying. I really do. And I know you’re trying to protect me, that’s kind of you. But liking you doesn’t feel like I’m losing something. It feels like I’m choosing something. I’m not asking you to promise me anything. I’m not asking for forever, or labels. And if someday it hurts, then I’ll deal with that when it comes. I’d rather risk caring than pretend I don’t.
And you’re right. Whatever you feel will never match what I feel. I know that. I’m not confused about it. I just don’t think feelings have to be equal to be worth having. I don’t need it to turn into something bigger to justify it, cam :)) i love you :)
And i don’t feel stuck, cam..i feel free actually :)
(I don’t think I’d survive Welton with dyed hair anyway. The administration would demerit my action.. :/ you know how i feel about demerits..)
fuck yku steven, making me cry twice jn one day huh.?
and i know you know that, i just.... I guess i dont want you tk regret this. and i dont want yiu to get hurt if things arent what you expectdd. no matter how much byllshit you spew about "feelints dont havebto be equal".
but if it was forever.. j dont think id mind :)
i love yiu so so much
(and yeag, try nkt to get a demerit pleasr. once we gr aduate maybe...)
I do have that effect on you huh :)))
Trust me I won’t regret this :) but i think getting hurt is inevitable, cam. It only means we tried and cared :) and it’s worth it and will always be worth it :)
Forever learning and laughing with you? I don’t see why not :)))
I love you too cam :))
(Yeah once we graduate, ill give you the wig :p)
i guess you do... :))
why wkuld it be worth it if i'm just gonna hurt you? cause I rrally dont want you to be, honestyl. i never want to see you hurt and espercjally not at my hand. if i ckuld shut a door and portect you frpm the rest kf the world j would, and jf tbat means im on the other side of jt too im okay with that. i love you so much bht maybr itd be better if we never did tbjs... for you, yknkw? :)
i lpve you jm sorry
(and jf you wont dye tour hair there will be avsolutely no wig giving euther haha)
I know you want to protect me, cam :) but no :) i say we do this :) i’m okay…it’s you I’m more worried, i really am ok :)
And remember? No more apologizing:))))
I love you too cam :))
(Awww fine :p)
Dont worry about me. plrase.
just... tell me if yiu ever feel that way, promise? i dont wanna feel like im... taking advantage of you i guess.
but ib okay with dojng this if you are. I love you so os much j really do.
yeah yrah whatever :))
(im sorry meekdie I know you really wabted to see me in that blsck wig every day... :)
I know you’ll never take advantage of me or anyone ever. :)))
I really am okay with doing this :))
Say itt…
(Im thinking charlie wants it more actually…i like you being a redhead, something we have in common;)
well... im okay with it if you are :)
fine if gou really want mr to... i love you so so much, yourd my favorite person, youre thr best sort-of-friend I couldve asked for, in the winter cold youre thr summer sun-- okay that was stupid but thr point is i love you. i lovr you so much it hurts sometimes. even if its not in the same way you love me I promise its true. sorry for trhe paragraph but yeah haha.
(i think both of us look prettier with red hair snyway... im still nkt sure if its legal though 🤔)
That’s actually pretty good hahah :)))
I love your red hair :)) and your freckles :))
(Why wouldn’t it be legal??? :/ )
I know :) you almost inspjred me to write poetry on my own time, steven 🙃
you flatter me haha
(you never know what the laws are on two redheads gettibg married 🤷♂️... if thats still a thing were thinking about at least:)
I should read some of your poems sometime:))))
Oh come on, sure it cant be that bad? It’s just hair color ://
