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Agent Sublime Promise of a Devious Puzzle

@napoleanbonafarte / napoleanbonafarte.tumblr.com

she/her. sleep deprived potato.

I'll fucking kill tha ginch for cutting me a absolutely dog shit slice of roast beast dude was carving that up 3 sizes too thin

So many people never learned to live with harmless discomfort at any point in their lives and holy fuck does it show

“But I wanna know!” You’re gonna have to learn to be ok with not knowing some things, especially when those things involve personal details about strangers that they’re not comfortable sharing.

“But it’s confusing!” If you take the time to educate yourself it’ll no longer be confusing. Otherwise you’re just gonna have to learn to be ok with being confused.

“But it’s weird!” You probably do weird things all the time. Everyone does weird things sometimes. Life goes on.

“But it scares me!” Is it hurting you? No? You’ll be fine. Being scared and being harmed are not always the same thing. Learn to tell the difference and then act accordingly.

“But I want it!” And I want a million dollars. You can’t always get what you want.

A lot of people were also never told “no” as children and the consequences of that manifest in similar ways. Learn to be ok with being told “no.” You’re not gonna die if you don’t get your way in every single situation ever.

one of my favorite recurring bits that i do is when someone loses any non-phone object (keys, tv remote, debit card, vape, etc) and they’re looking around semi-frantically, i chime in and ask “do you want me to call it?”

i refuse to listen to your haterisms if you cannot cite your sources... a REAL hater doesn't have to make shit up to be a hater about. a real hater sees the truth and hates accurately. a hater who makes shit up and is wrong is just annoying. get on the level

there are people out there whose entire job is to make sure their factory's bagel slicer perfectly divides every bagel into one brick that barely fits in the toaster and one sliver so thin it's almost transparent

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