I'm moving on from here for several reasons - I won't be using this as a blog anymore. Instead, I will be keeping a journal in a similar style elsewhere, but no one shall know about it. Thank you to all 221 followers for listening and responding to the rubbish I have posted. See you soon. Fuckers.
Travelling back to Leeds - waiting on the snow to appear outside of the window (Taken with instagram)
I absolutely love Frank Turner, In fact, so much so, I am sitting here with wee down my pants. That's because tonight I have tickets to see him! Furthermore, the venue only holds 280 people, so it's going to be extremely intimate. I anticipate lots of hardcore sweaty fans that will most definitely create an atmosphere not to forget. These are the days.
I need a place to vent and I've been holding this back for way too long now. Let me explain to you why I'm so pissed off. A flatmate who is living with my old friend from home (Conor), named Dan, is purposely trying to annoy the hell out of Conor, for no reason except that he's a twat. Now that wouldn't bother me but apparently I am the subject in this war of irritance. It began several weeks ago, where Dan would make 'tag requests' on my Facebook photos in the attempt to make me appear gay. Then, Dan tried to add me as a "friend", and now he is taking every route possible to get past my privacy settings and contact me. He has been able to browse through my photos due to the lack of privacy settings I previously had installed on my profile, and now he is practically cyber-bullying me. It's got so bad that he is forming insults onto Conor's profile, in the hope that I will see them. All of this in the attempt to annoy me? This is all abuse via Facebook, from someone who will never meet me. I seriously had no idea that a human could be such a fuck-up. This, ladies and gentleman, makes me very fucking angry. More so than anything else. Please, if anyone reading this has children, spend every minute of your time bringing up your infant because this society could do with one less of these little shits. I'm serious. Personally, I don't think I could handle the responsibility of a kid who is only likely to get involved with the wrong group of people, and either be bullied for it or become a bully themselves. I've removed 850 Facebook "friends" now, as well as untagging myself from 600 photos. I'm almost rid of it. Life without these horrible reminders (yes, Facebook, I'm pointing at you) is a nicer place to be. To confirm an earlier post, I have finally got my head out of the mess it was in. And to put things into perspective, this abuse is nothing in my life right now - my life is in fact great right now. It simply makes me angry how our society is so fucked. That's okay, though, because I'm going to see Frank Turner on Thursday, and I can sing my fucking heart out :) (Listen to "Thatcher Fucked the Kids" or "Sons of Liberty" or "Love Ire & Song")
I am almost reluctant to post this on here because in the last few months I have made my blog into something very dark. But I feel like the need for me to be deep is dissolving. Yes, I know it's going to persevere because there will be never be a time when I don't scrutinise every little detail in life, and not everything is going to be how I want it to be. However, I feel like I have enough experience to finally let go of this turbulent melancholy, and when I forget, I can look back to the kinds of things I wrote in those times and relive them. So, here it is - a happy memory that I'm writing down with little meaning except that to remember. I wasn't sure of how obscure our friendship was and I needed reassuring before I could relax and smile. Today showed that for me. You said to me, "I'm really glad that I've met someone who I have so much in common with." I said nothing; I'm really bad at receiving and returning compliments, especially when I want to shout the words "ME TOO!" This afternoon, the both of us had to make a short video sequence for one of our projects at university, and as we were let leash anywhere on the campus, we found a deserted lecture theatre to work in. We were afraid of being caught. I felt excited and happy :) I'm just writing this here so that I'll be sure to cherish all of the lovely little details from today. I feel like I have been set free because I don't have to scrutinise all of those details when I'm with you. This is how good it feels to find a friend who you share much in common with - someone just like you. I waited for ages.
I'm going to be the person I was designed to be. I want to be more rock and roll. I want to be less sensible. I want to care less. I want clever words to remedy my insanity. A line I got from Get Him to the Greek; the Jonah Hill character said to the Russel Brand character, "... and you’re smart, so you make your insanity sound good." For too long now, I have tried to get a grip on things realistically. Hopefully that is enough to mask my insanity, because I'm tired of trying. It's time to let go of this fake person I have become. Ask yourself this - has someone got the best of you? I need to start by losing the fear of living.
Every time I think I’ve met someone, I haven’t met someone like the somebody that I’ve been hoping to meet. Is it really that hard for a girl to be nice, pretty (in their own unique way) and take interest in me instead of themselves entirely? I’m getting angry because I just want to meet someone, and for once not see my hopes fall to the ground like a bouncing ball… again and again.
This is something I would like to dig up after posting it a few weeks ago. Still the same, although now I'm thinking how nice it would be to meet just somebody who understands me - period.
My best compliments (and usually my only) are the kind that praise what I say or write. But what does it mean when someone likes what you're writing? When translated into words, a single thought can probably be interpreted to complete a puzzle in a multitude of stories and real life situations, like a song can have many meanings to all sorts of people. It all seems too vague. I express myself in this way because I find it helpful to articulate the thoughts in my mind, and also because it can be nice to keep an archive of stages in your life and then look back to see how things have progressed. My life certainly isn't the same as it was a month ago, and it most likely will not be the same in a week. On the other hand, and in contrary to these compliments, there are people who condemn venting in the smallest form. People who think a man should be tough, and in the unlikely scenario that he does actually have emotions, he should not express them. What a fucking ridiculous idea that was. I'm not sure if it's a good thing that someone might possibly enjoy reading what goes through the mind of an angry adolescent boy like me.
