i am really obsessed with ilya and svetlanas whole deal

childhood friends grown up to be two absolute stone cold hotties emigrate from russia to boston together one of them is a professional hockey player who doesn’t actually gaf about hockey and the other one is a professional party girl turned car saleswoman

spend their free time wreaking fucking havoc on the hearts of singles through all of north america

they love each other so deeply but they are not in love and they are the only successful example of friends with benefits ever

they sit on the sofa together for 45 minutes every night after deciding that they are going to attempt to have just one night in before inevitably turning to each other and saying “okay lets go out” “i already ordered the uber”

ilya accidentally falls in love with the most boring man alive and he’s like “fuuuuuuck this suuuuucks” and svetlana is like “don’t breathe too close to me i don’t want to catch it”

ilya thinks she’s the ideal woman like svetlana’s kind of like his cher but he gets to have sex with her

lots of people expressing disappointment that Zohran Mamdani is a Dear Evan Hansen fan. personally speaking I think it is good and healthy for the mayor of New York to have extremely basic taste in musical theatre. I don't want someone in public office worrying about who sang "The Miller's Son" the best. that's my job.

Prev this is way too funny to leave in the tags

I hope this is true.

by the way guys, this deployment of ice to minnesota is largest ever. more agents than chicago. we are a much less dense state. we are being inundated.

It is the largest Department of Homeland Security operation in history. And yet Minnesota’s Somali population (this operation’s primary target) is upwards of 90% naturalized American citizens. It’s even more of a manufactured crisis than most DHS operations. Genuinely living in Minnesota now feels like we’re a small country on the brink of invasion.

I recite this to myself every time I refrain from making a stupid purchase

The West love the diaspora writer so long they wrote about things that happened in the past, things that cannot be named, and perpetrators that cannot be condemned

hate when mummy movies use Imhotep as the big bad. He was an architect. Imagine a mummy movie but the mummy is Frank Llyod Wright. And he was buried at the House On The Rock. Ok nevermind that would be a sick ass movie.

These 4 again

He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide

This right after we're introduced to a roadblock couple (insufferable heteros)... right... right..

whyd she call him out like that lmfaooooo

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

Rocket scientists who leave the rocket industry keep thinking everything is a rocket and it's kind of adorable

"We can honeycomb this to reduce the weight" sweetie no that's going to be twice as expensive to manufacture and we are not launching it anywhere.

"If we use titanium instead of steel we'll save a bunch of weight" baby you need to stop worrying so much about your weight! And maybe worry more about what happens to titanium when you expose it to deuterium plasma.

the painting in love with his painter

So what if, after seeing the beautiful work of a senior, you suddenly decide to submit to an art university because it’s cheap though you don’t know anything about art or drawing? And then you start taking lessons and there’s this super talented, art prodigy guy who barely interacts but you adore his style and eventually start to crave his attention, in both envy and amusement. You’re a hard worker and he is naturally gifted. You’re both so different but you give your all and get admitted to the same university as him. And there you find out that the person you’ve looked up all this time- actually hates drawing and wants to quit. You can’t accept it, it doesn’t make sense to you. You want to help him and you do, you take him to a short trip and manage to bring the spark back to him. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM

“I like you Yotasuke, but I hate you so much it makes me sick” is a crazy way to express your feelings Yatora😭