i want to talk about lily in the jilypad medieval au. she's a mess. she's young. and she needs someone to call her own.
her destiny is to marry. one day, when she was only fourteen, an old man, a powerful wizard, came to her castle in the mountains and told her that the most powerful king in britain wanted to marry her. she was a wild child at the time; at eighteen, when she has learned patience, grace and femininity, she's sent away from home to an unknown kingdom. she will never return. she says goodbye to her mother and sister without shedding a tear: she's a woman now. she'll miss her mountains, the clear air and her horses, though.
james is... everything a lady dreams of. a young, strong, but just ruler. a formidable and fearsome warrior. with her, he's good, kind and patient. during the first night of their wedding, when he sees her uncertain, he promises her that he will not be angry if she rejects him. he's still a stranger, but then she's a stranger to him, too. lily would love him already if only he were not so silent and gloomy, always on his own. but she can learn to love him. he's good with his people and his knights. lily wouldn't want to be bought by anyone else.
she loves her new kingdom, and the people love her. they say she's an angel, they ask when a heir will be born. lily would like to know. she trusts james enough to let him into her bed now; she's careful and cautious, she doesn't ride horses, she follows all the diets and advice of the old women. but the children keep dying. her pregnancies don't last more than a couple of months, and when lily starts to feel her belly growing, when she can caress it with her hands and feel like she's holding a life inside her, then it's torn away from her. she's already lost 3. james says it doesn't matter, that they'll try again, that he loves her even and especially in that difficult moment. but he doesn't understand, he never will. lily fears the day he gets tired of feeding her for nothing; she fears the day james sets his eyes on another woman and decides to send lily back home, too old to remarry.
sirius is the only one who understands her. he's a poet, that's why: he told her. he told her that, if fate had not forced him to join james' knights, he would have stayed on his island of fairies and endless springs to become a musician. he's unlike any man lily has ever known. he's elegant, graceful, yet very strong, the most skilled of james' knights. he's her champion, it's his job to take care of her. he holds her like james can't, with a deep, shocking sweetness and love. lily is naked to him, she's herself.
she doesn't know when gratitude turns into love, but it happens. all of a sudden, it's so unexpected that it makes her blush and leaves her breathless. and lily knows she's capricious; she knows she's terrible, that she screams and cries, that she's a desperate woman now, but she doesn't mind being like this with sirius. she doesn't feel guilty. they are two sad souls, with terrible pasts and cruel destinies, and that is what unites them. sirius can sing his songs to her, and she can pretend to be a good wife and a mother. she can pretend to still be worth something. at this point, nothing in the world belongs to her anymore. nothing, but sirius.
(this is for @ncoincidences who released the yapping beast. i dont know who you are but i love you already)
