So @penismage and I went to Austria and got engaged 👨‍❤️‍👨💍

another knight pinup has hit your dashboard

i had a dream last night that i was scrolling tiktok and dan and phil came up and they were talking about how they actually had a third and they started introducing said third with vague info but with every fact i started realizing with dawning horror that they were describing my fucking dad

i am so very proud to be the number one employer of orcs and big nasty ogres with spiky clubs in the great state of Iowa

guess what community tumblr staff approved?

scrolling through and blocking with extreme prejudice, when i came upon this gem

like. congratulations! this is the world you wrought!

They're scared of reaping what they sow, how 'bout we see if volume of reports alone really does make a difference

WET BEAST WEDNESDAY

one of my favorite wet beast for this wednesday

#mybal

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Thanks!

Have scientists figured out what dark matter is yet?

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

Wow!

What happens if you eat 23 packages of peeps?

You meet god

Thank goodness!

What's the correct way to eat a banana?

Whole, in one gulp.

Delicious!

Who is the Muffin Man?

Father of the Muffin Boy

Makes sense!

Why is my car making a ker-klunk noise?

Car's haunted

Uh Oh

How to fix a haunted car?

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

It worked!

Where does the wax in scented candles go?

into the sky, where it turns into stars

Cool!

Why are weddings so damn expensive?

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah

ChatGPT WISHES it was this coherent and creative

sorry for how i acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time

we are gonna be vacuuming up this post for the next five years

For all the tumblr talk about the strong as fuck ice mummy, it seems, perhaps, an oversight that I haven't seen anyone sexualise the strong as fuck ice mummy yet. Somebody should probably get on that ☝️

Why are people who were beaten by their parents so proud of being beaten by their parents?

Because they didn't think they "turned out alright" that would mean they were abused and their parents were abusers, and it would also raise some very uncomfortable questions about other relationships & interactions with authority figures they might've had and things they themselves might have done.

It's very common for people who suffered to come out the other end believing it made them a better person and that people who didn't suffer are morally inferior for it. The cycle of violence continues.

google.com can I be saved or is it too late

↻(𓄼 .̀ ̮.́)Ψ

💪🏻#bear #gaybear

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in