Do you guys remember how kidnap fantasies were popular on wattpad because young girls and queer teens were both made to feel shame at the thought of their own sexualities, so the fantasy of being kidnapped totally against their will was a way for them to engage with a romantic or sexual fantasy without feeling morally in the wrong for doing so? Added bonus that the fantasy involved being whisked away from repressive environments like home or school, right?
Finding out that Bram Stoker was in a sexless marriage and that scholars believe that he very likely was closeted gay puts the entire book into perspective as to WHY it reads EXACTLY like a self insert wattpad Dracula kidnap fic:
“I TOTALLY love my wife and would never do anything that an upstanding Good Straight Working Man wouldn’t do but oh nooo, big strong man with broad back and strong enough arms to carry me back to bed like a princess trapped me and claimed me as his, completely against my will 👉👈 But he protects me against the bad evil sexual women (who I assure you, I am TOTALLY sexually attracted to, as any straight man with a choice would be) but trust me, I do NOT want ANY of this. What’s that? The Count is not capable of feeling love? Would be a shame if I had the special ability to change tha-”
This is also the fantasy behind all those old bodice-ripper romances that people today like to mock or call problematic, by the way.
“Oh, my next forty years are going to consist of nothing but washing dishes and keeping house and bearing children for the disdainful man I married right out of high school because my parents said college was for men and I had no other obvious life path open to me? What if a pirate captain thought I was worth stealing away from it all? [what if I ran away but no-one could blame me for leaving]?”
#I read an article a long time ago about a woman who was raised in an incredibly repressive conservative christian community#where all that mattered was purity and virginity etc #She talked about how for a long time rape fantasies were the only way she could derive any pleasure from sex #because she couldn’t feel safe exploring the idea of wanting sex #it wasn’t really ABOUT rape or eroticizing assault or whatever #it was about creating a scenario where she was free from the shame associated with wanting #i think this is true of a lot of icky-seeming stuff in romance and erotica #it’s an imaginary scenario where nothing you don’t really want actually happens #but you can’t be blamed or feel guilty for it #you didn’t do anything wrong#anyway that article changed my perspective a lot #i think there’s also something to be said for people who have felt ugly and undesirable their whole lives #enjoying fictional scenarios where a hot alpha werewolf or whatever is so attracted to them he ‘cant help himself’ or whatever #because it can also be really shameful to want to be desired #when you feel like youre ugly and gross ( @headspace-hotel )
I will go into mourning if/when Tumblr is gone. So help me I have both whiled away time here so my brain can rest and I have had my brain rewired with what I learn here. Like now. With this.
I love you all, you wonders who share what you know, what you experience, your humanity and your empathy, I love you.
I would also like to add, that sometimes people are into non-consent kinks just because. It's not to do with shame, it's not to do with repression of sexual desire, and that's okay.
It's perfectly valid to be into the kink for the above reason, but sometimes I feel it carries a sense of once you're able to accept the your desires, and get over your shame, you'll no longer be into it. Sure, for some people, maybe! If that's what they want! Definitely not for me, because my fascination with the kink has nothing to do with that.
The biggest appeal of non-consent to me is really quite simple once you distill it. It's about fighting arousal and losing. There's also the lack of control, and the general feel of wrongness that adds to the taboo. But it's about being in a situation that you cannot escape, fighting an arousal that is so strong it is impossible to fight, no matter how much you tell yourself this is wrong, it overpowers your body until you are nothing but pleasure. It's about the sheer power of that kind of arousal.
The fighting the feeling aspect is definitely the strongest thing for me, and it is actually one of the key things I find arousing in fiction, and it comes into play with pretty much every other kink I have. If a character is fighting their arousal, their reactions, I am always locked in and entertained, whether the scenario is consensual or not (because you can totally have this aspect in perfectly consensual scenarios too).
Anyway, just thought I'd provide another perspective!
