I wrote something. Might make it a fic, might not who knows?
Timeline is after the lightning strike. A Buckley dinner as daniel hunts the narrative.
Bon Appétit!
~
"It's better than the last time we were here", everyone stilled.
"You died Evan"
He swallowed, "I'm alive mom"
She spoke again her voice wavering, eyes distant, "You were dead Evan, in that hospital bed with all the tubes they put you on-"
Maddie squeezed her fist. His heartbeat grew stronger.
"-all the hospital visits and the decisions"
"I'm alive mom"
Not hearing, never hearing. "-all the doctors fussing over-"
"Mom, please" growing desperate.
Maddie squeezed her eyes shut, maybe she was wishing it to go away, maybe when she opened her eyes everything would be fine again. Maybe once she opened her eyes she was still be able to play tag with her brother in the backyard. Like she did when she was seven.
"-and the nurses coming in and out", a tear couldn't even drop to her cheek before she wiped it out.
"I'm alive mom, I'm alive please", his whole body was stiff, holding himself back from shaking like a leaf. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted them to see, he wanted to shout "I'm here. Right in front of you. I'm the one who's still alive. Just look at me. I'm still alive."
His mom shooked her head, as if it would give her what she wants. As if it would fix everything he couldn't able to.
"Mom," he pleaded, he fell to his knees in front of her, not too close that he could touch her if he tried to reach —he learned that lesson long ago— but not far either. He was close as he could get, he always was.
"I'm alive mom," he choked up on the next breath he took.
"W-Why isn't it enough?" Tears falling on his face. Maddie closed her ears with her hands, leaning on the table. She looked like the little kid she was when her mom would yell and scream and wished she was dead instead.
"Please... Please mom, I'm alive. I'm alive. Isn't it enough?", his voice childlike and filled with desperation. Desperate to be heard over the sound of his brother's that's ringing in Buckley's heads.
"I'm alive," his voice breaks. "I'm alive, I exist please," a sob escapes him.
His mother is still in denial. Still refuses. Still ignores.
She ignores the tears that runs from her, she ignores the sounds that escapes her firstborn, she ignores her husband in his own grief next to her, she ignores her son-in-law watching the scene unfold over the corner. She ignores the death that happened thirty years ago, she also ignores the life kneeling before her, begging just to be.
Only thing keeps him sitting without him doubling down on the floor is his locked elbows getting support from the ground.
He lets out a broken sound, "please..."
Margaret gets down to the floor after gathering her strength and puts her hand gently over his shoulder.
Buck raises his head, eyes full of tears. A faint hope lies behind all the hurt.
"I-I love you Evan, as much as i can.", a hitch of breath is heard from the corner of the room but it's insignificant to the devastation and the confirmation Buck feels on his soul. His only support is gone as his body drops towards his the floor with a cry.
A hand of a mother on his shoulder.
A son beneath her hand.
Just not the right one.
The beautiful connection between the well and the lightning strike has always been fascinating to me.
One of is buried underground, all the worlds weight on his shoulders and the other is flying above, living his life the way he wants.
One lives his life with duty and sacrifice even when it's completely unnecessary; the other lives his driven by feelings and lust, nothing to hold him back.
They can't reach each other, can't pull the other to them. Can't hold them close. They can try but it's in vain.
You can't dig 40 feet of mud and you certainly can't pull up a dead weight on your own in a crying storm.
Whether it's literal or figurative, there will always be an obstacle, a block between to separate the another.
They will always be unreachable.
can I be mean for a second?
I just hate how buck has been treated for the last two (one and a half?) seasons by the people who he considers family. they told him to suck it up when he was being abused by gerrard and refused to have his back. they supported eddie's decison to leave the 118 because it was for a 'noble cause' of getting his son back but when buck said he's put in for transfer they acted like he's insane when he was struggling with practically no support system after a huge loss, while being surrounded by the reminders of that tragic loss.
and while everyone else got to go home to their spouses and family and grieve Bobby, buck was left alone and accused of "making it about him" whenever he was shown to be struggling. Now they're acting like he's a burden to deal with because he hasn't moved on from bobby's death when he was never given the proper support to deal with that trauma.
‼️Bucktommys kindly fuck off‼️
You can be mean every second dear
eddie may be able to pull bitchy mean one liners out of his pocket but those don't compare to evan buckley when he's angry. buck can get mean when he's angry, we just don't see it often because he isn't an angry person. when he gets hurt he caves in on himself but he doesn't get angry . but when eddie was moving and he said "he knows how to stay. i don't need you either"? or when he said to tommy "i don't have to sleep with everyone i have feelings for and i don't have to have feelings for everyone i sleep with"? or when he told his parents "i have walked through fire everyday of my life because of you" he knows how to make it hurt. he spent his whole life getting ignored by the people who were suppose to raise him and love him so instead he observed. he observes people and he normally uses those skills to help make things easier for the people he loves but if pushed he can use it to cut you and bleed you dry.
Yesss. Now, when?
I've gotta come clean...
I did not start watching 9-1-1 because of buddie.
You know those tiktok clips where you can basically watch the whole show in parts? (mostly young sheldon)
I saw a clip of a twink who chopped the head of a snake and went like "hmm, you're coming home with mee". Then started watching the show until i stopped at the poker date