Reblogged lostmonsterposts
That’s his son y’all <3
Reblogged
part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.
bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal
damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose
bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*
bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer
dick: how can you not remember 😭
bruce: because there’s so many of you
tim: alfred remembers
bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human
bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?
tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings
dick: damian is vegan
bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?
dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan
bruce: jesus christ
bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts
dick: what no i’m not?
bruce: yes you are
dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!
bruce: was???
This and calling the wrong name for your child
My mom keeps mixes me and my siblings up, she calls me by my brothers name sometimes
The problem is im not a man.
Bruce: Jace can you look here for a moment.
Cass, who is the only one in the room: *looks around*
Bruce *looks up from whatever he's doing*: oh, i mean tim, aaah dick, no fuck da-
Cass: I'm YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER
I need a crack fluff fic about batfam trying to make bruce laugh
and they're all in on it, even jason (especially jason), its not even a bet its just pure rivalry
Everyone trying to make bruce laugh and meanwhile bruce is like *don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh*
(Cuz we all must know how good it feels when you make your emotionally distant parent laugh at your jokes)
Reblogged
i know I'm late to post this but RAMADHAN WITH DAMIAN.
Bruce just finished his work from the batcave at 3.30 a.m only to find Damian eating alone in the kitchen.
Bruce: "Damian? what're you doing? you're not asleep, tomorrow is school day."
Damian: "I'm eating, father. this is important."
Bruce: "why did you need to eat this.. early? late?"
Damian: "it's called suhoor, father. I'm eating my suhoor right now."
Bruce: "ah, i understand. want me to eat with you?"
Damian: "suit yourself."
..
Tim: "Damian, you're not eating your lunch."
Damian: "I don't have any."
Tim: "and why that? Is someone able to take your lunch money?"
Damian: "no, Drake. I'm fasting."
Tim: "Damn, i thought you really got your lunch money stolen."
Damian: "hrn." *walking away.*
Tim: "wow, he didn't even touch his sword to me."
..
Jason, mid sparring: "wow! you're a lot weaker, boy! what happened?"
Damian: "I don't have the energy to continue this spar at this moment. maybe we'll try again at night."
Jason: "... you're not.. saying anything?"
Damian: "i just said, I don't have the energy. let's continue this at night."
Jason: "why did you not cussing me? is this your new way to rail me up, kid?"
Damian: "... I can't. not this month."
..
*At dinner.*
Damian, praying, drinking water, eating some dates then eating his dinner.
Dick: "wow, is this your new diet?"
Tim: "he's fasting, Dick."
Dick: "what?"
Damian: "i suggest you study more about my lineage, Grayson."
..
*one month later.*
Bruce, giving Damian extra pocket money.
Damian: "thank you, father. i have mother and grandfather sending me presents too."
Jason: "what!? why he's getting extra money and we don't?!"
Tim: "yeah, it's kinda unfair ya know? since he's your blood son or whatever."
Dick, walking in: "Damii! here, here's your Eid money, don't spend it carelessly okay!"
Tim: "Eid money?"
Damian: "yes, i have been fasting for a whole month, and i deserve praise and presents such as Eid money."
Omg I love Muslim Damian hc's 😭
Damian *trying not to curse*: hn
Bruce: be nice
Damian: I'm findin' it
...
Bruce: It take you that long to find it?
Damian: it does, it does
Imagine being a child and you watch your parents get murdered in front of you. Now, you're an orphan in an absurdly large manor full of empty rooms and ghosts of your memories
Your butler, who is now your guardian teaches you unhealthy coping mechanisms (such as fighting) instead of taking you to therapy or at least talking you through the trauma of your parents' deaths
Now you can't processes emotions well and fight crime in a bat suit
I don't blame him
Reblogged
Bruce is absolutely addicted to fruit, as in Alfred has to go and buy fresh berries every single day because they are the only thing Bruce will reliably eat. If Alfred just sets down a bowl of blueberries on the desk in the batcave Bruce will mindlessly eat them without realizing. When Clark started visiting the manor more he notice how much fruit Bruce and and began calling Bruce his little fruit bat.
As someone who is also addicted to fruit i approve of this