im sorry I don't even know what that is

i think the best thing I can do is just never open any app that contains other people's art because one more cool art work in my feed and I'm killing myself

i hate the fact i need praisal to keep drawing but every time people praise me i just. Dont believe them. I guess no amont can fix insecurities

Maybe i`ll draw them if i have a mood. I dont know. Dont feel confident in them now. Really wish someone else did nightreign ocs (esp oc x scholar) so i didnt feel alone in that field ahahah

thank you

i watched it and hate it, honestly. I see the appeal but for some reason i just cant stand this show. Im not a big fan of dirty adult comedies. characters are cool, art style and animation is cool, i see the appeal. but i its not for me, sadly

evil weapon

thank you! you cant imagine how important this is to me. Its hard to be "different" when theres a settled idea for character (scholar/undertaker) everyone more or less agree with. I dont like this feeling of "being wrong". Im glad you like it

I see P1 as a child who was grown in family that prioritized opinions of others. Perhaps they were from small town and indeed people talked a lot about each other so having a son which definetly is different was a big issue. P1 grew constantly hearing that he must fit in because "what will others say?" And by "fit in" i dont mean he had some unusual interests - the problem was him and his obvious mental issues parents didnt know how to deal with and were too scared of gossips and public image. They were rather strict but more or less normal family, i dont think they ever used physical abuse, but their constant dissapointment, visible embarrassment and expectations made p1 paranoidal and neglectful of his own mental state. They saw it as "raising our child to fit into society and be ready to its cruelness because noone will care about his problems ouside he must take care of himself ". They loved him as much as other kids. He had food, he had roof - what else he can ask for? Instead it made him into a person who think "if i feel bad i need to start doing something and i will have no power to my problems and maybe they will go away. I dont have time for problems, i shouldn`t have them in first place"

He was a good student but had no friend - he simply didnt have power to make friends. Constant fragility, tiredness, overwhelming and his ilnesses didnt let him adapt into society correctly which - ironic - too was a problem for his parents. He tried very hard to satisfy them but it never worked because succeeding in one sphere brought failure in another.

At the age of 18 they asked him to leave - probably like other kids (since he has a brother Dave there might be someone else), because he is grown man and must start a adult life. I honestly think one of reasons P1 joined army was his desire to show hes a real NORMAL man. Lots of men go to war - he should too. Because he`s like everyone else

i need to be the best at what im doing

hey thank you for your thoughts! I like how you think. If we talk about postal 1 dude i dont have any interesting ideas here. I see him as straight guy. Thats it. Even more, hes that regular guy that wants a regular 9-5 job, a good wife (i mean the one that likes him back) and a family. Id say he`s also christian but this faith i see in him is rather "whatever helps me with my demons because i cant take it anymore and theres nowhere i can get a help. In fact i live in time when people think therapy for pussies and people already think too weird about me"

But for postal 2 dude i have some thoughts

I personally see him as bi as well, but not as sexually active as it might look. He likes whoring but its a way of escaping bad thoughts. As person with active unmedicated depression i can say that it makes your libido just non-exist. Besides that Dude takes some pills which was shown in Brain Damaged so it may also reduse his sexual activity. But when he does its not that easy either.

You said a good point about repressed homosexuality, i thought that way too, Dude looks like someone with fragile masculinity so i see him as rather gay-leaned who didnt accept it for a long time so all his whoring with women never was too good. But i think at some point when hes adult like in game he more or less accepted it so he whoring with men mostly, though he still wouldnt be able to tell it outloud and still would`ve call gays "faggots" and probably all his gay sex he had was pretty toxic where he was treated as "dirty whore" which of course doesn`t help. Those probably were men with this internalized homophobia like "you suck my dick so it doesnt make ME gay its youre the faggot". Not all the time of course, there were good experiences (thats why he keep doing it) but it leaves a mark. Maybe even attempts of relationship but they were even worse. So i think despite leaning to the gay part he mostly stick with women because they seem to be a safer bet and he still enjoys it, just not as much as with men. I like the idea that one of the reasons realtionships with Bitch failed is because he`s more into guys. I find it interesting as part of "repressed homosexuality" topic

In my AU he gets a partner which i wish to draw at some point (guess what? Its an old man with long white hair LMAO i have like ten of these guys at this point, its a multiverse of this guy fucking hot dilfs in different franchises) and with him he can finally get some normal treatment since the guy is super chill. It takes time to make it work since Dude still has A LOT going on and being close to someone, dealing with other persons desires and views is not as easy as he wouldve like. His problems unfortunatly didn`t disappear as soon as he found himself loving someone mutually

I need this artist crucified

this is such a good idea I want to make a separate post with this redraw