the subreddits im in.. good god

i think i have that influenza A going around right now because after therapy on wednesday i wanted to take myself to the movies to see ‘Hamnet’ i finished that book in like a day and it was gorgeous and all encompassing and the movie was so touching too. but since it was a matinee i sat surrounded on all sides by senior citizens. i tried to draw comfort from this fact because otis the dog was literally 105 years old. but it was cold and rainy that day and they were coughing all around me. not to mention, every time i would shift in my seat they would side eye me as if i was doing something offensive. again i didn’t want to take this personally, even though their phones were going off every 20 min and the woman to my right was so bored and very vocal about it.

anyways life feels very surreal without otis and with this flu and all these books and movies and the news. i feel like if the wind blew hard enough and at the right angle i could be whisked away. i feel also like if my head could be rinsed and air dried that would be helpful.

i think what happens when you experience trauma after trauma and hardship after hardship without any reprieve or time to process, learned helpless becomes a part of your reality. becomes your reality. you really begin to believe that nothing you do truly changes or helps or fixes anything. but how do you get out of or remove yourself from this dangerous current of trauma, how do you eject yourself from that velocity. take cover or fortify yourself.

maybe just learning to accept these things as a part of life instead of it being all life is would help. there is pain but there’s also everything else

Mary Oliver, from The Fire

We're not living... we're barely surviving. In a tattered tent amidst the bitter cold, we're struggling to stay alive. The rain has shown us no mercy, seeping into our tent from every side, flooding the ground, soaking our bedding, and drenching everything we own. We have no dry place, no warm blanket, not even a single moment of rest.

Two weeks ago, a fierce wind tore away a large part of our tent, leaving us exposed to the elements, at the mercy of the wind and rain. We shiver from the cold, trying to appear strong, but the truth is we're on the verge of collapse because the cold and illnesses are relentless.

We need your help, friends. Please donate so we can live a safe and warm life, buy blankets and medicine, and repair our tent. Please help us by donating and don't leave us to suffer. Please donate to us.

Please have compassion for my dear friend Ahmed. He is only a teenager, and his life has been stolen from him. His education, his community, his health, his future.

To rebuild his future, he must first survive the present moment. He needs warmth, shelter, medicine, and healthcare. Please donate what you can to help him survive this brutal winter.

please donate

Please share and give what you can to Ahmed's vetted campaignto help him and his family aurvive the ongoing seige and the deadly weather

Please do whatever you can to help out!

If you can donate, please do. If you can't, please share! <3

Guy Bourdin, Vogue Paris, 1968

Wild Horses on the Lower Salt River, Arizona