Had a fucking hilarious appointment as the last one of the day today.
Signalment was for a small senior neutered male dog who was in because he kept licking his butt and had given himself a hotspot. Nothing out of the ordinary, very usual appointment.
What was *not* usual... was the size of this dog's anus.
See, there's this interesting thing that goes on with male dogs when they're intact and age. Certain parts of their anatomy just... keep growing. In cats this growth is seen in the jowls. The larger the jowls, the more testosterone and also the older the cat. In dogs, however, it has 2 effects.
One of these is to enlarge the prepuce. This is most noticeable in small dogs, to the point that some small, geriatric, intact males look less like a "male dog" and more like a "penis with a dog attached to it." I know a 2 pound yorkie whose prepuce extended a little past the end of his sternum.
The other effect is that it makes the anus larger and more protruding. No, I don't know why it does this. I really wish it didn't.
But I go to check out the hospot and suddenly I am face to winking eye with a truly enormous anus on this little dog and I'm like "Sir, are you intact or were you neutered late?" I feet no testicles and no scrotum, at which point I'm starting to get very very suspicious.
Me: How old was he when you neutered him?
Owner: Oh, I adopted him as a neutered male from a senior dog rescue!
I go to get my vet, she comes in, and the moment she gets to the rear end she blurts out "Oh, you have Old Intact Male Butthole Syndrome!"
The look on the owners face was hilarious. She asked if that was a real thing. Vet had to explain it's not the real name, but she is indeed describing a real phenomena. We go over dog's history again and because we have no actual *proof* of neuter we roll him onto his back to look for a neuter tattoo or scar.
There is no neuter tattoo, no scar, no scrotum.
But there is a subtle and very suspicious bulge next to his prepuce. Doc grabs it, pauses, says "Hold please." and leaves the room.
One minute later she's back with the ultrasound machine. Bit of lube, probe goes on the skin...
"Tada! THAT is a testicle."
And that's how we diagnosed a dog with bilateral inguinal cryptorchidism because he had a giant butthole.