You couldn’t publish this today.

You’d have to hide it under seven layers of metaphor.

lol she got his ass and he knows it

A mysterious old man granted Elon's wish to have unlimited money but this also caused him to become the most miserable man in the world. He can break the curse at any time by giving up the unlimited money but that happens to be the only thing he can't fathom doing. This man lives in double hell

SADDEST MAN ON EARTH

You guys need to see this because my brain has decided "have you heard of seventy dollars??" is a widely known meme I can reference regularly (it is not)

Detect evil but it becomes increasingly clear that whoever calibrated it had some really weird moral stances.

Yeah, his name was Gary Gygax

To update this, the astronaut didn’t actually do it, she and her wife were getting a divorce and the wife plead guilty to lying to the feds about it

And framing your ex for a crime mid-divorce while they are actively in space is some Agatha Christie level shit

i dont "use" tumblr im just here

me: i should get to put my coworker in a saw trap where he has to jump through hoops or risk getting his penis bitten off by piranhas

the humble mutual: ❤️