Avatar

TheToastedAlmonds

@thetoastedalmonds / thetoastedalmonds.tumblr.com

New Year Same Me - he/him
PostsLikes

Pinned

Avatar

Heyo its your boy with a real intro this time;

The Toasted Almonds/Alexis

He/Him

I flip between what im posting rather quickly, dont get attached to anything its like limited time flavored soda that comes back sporadically

Currently Playing:

Red Dead Redemption 2

Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora

If you are sensitive to vents, filter "vent" and "toasted rants"/"toasted vent"
#intro post
Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

I love how many cave paintings are depictions of horseys and how many paintings since have also been depictions of horseys.

Avatar

Horses from Lascaux Cave, drawn 15,000 to 22,000 years ago.

Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

The boys getting a much needed wash. What they didn't expect to see were twin hills rising from the lake.

This idea of Gale having an ass thicker than a bowl of oatmeal would not leave my mind. It was just too funny.

Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

Sometimes an artist has to return to the masters and mess them up a little, you know? I'm not a painter - in fact I hate rendering stuff. But it's calming to settle in the agony, to push oneself, you know?

Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

A sentence which got stuck in my head💔

So I decided to sketch something for it

(I still need to post my older artworks here, or some of them. So don’t be surprised that it’s not in the right order! And sorry for the wait!🫠)

No text version below!

Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

I need someone to do a video essay-length deep dive into how 75% of the BG3 fandom fell so hard for Astarion's manipulative seductor act that they believe that's his actual personality. This man has to practice his lines and still fumbles them constantly. He flat-out says it's all a front because he believes his sex appeal is the only reason anyone would keep him around, which is tragic. When he drops the act, he becomes this kind of silly man rediscovering what it means to be himself, and what it means to both love and be loved. He says "I'm all pointy ears, love." while turning his head to show off those pointy ears. Let him be silly, let him be awkward! It's so much more authentic then him being a walking innuendo.

He has a mid charisma stat with a bonus for deception and rolled a nat 20 on all y'all.

Avatar
Reblogged the-purple-flower
Avatar

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

  • vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
  • which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
  • luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
  • why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
  • vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
  • then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.
  • which then require months of further specialized treatment.
  • the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
  • vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
  • the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
  • it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
  • which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
  • Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
  • today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar
  • if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)

Avatar

Okay, but what about Saffron? Why is that more expensive?

Avatar

ok i love saffron but it is a fucking CUNT look at this shit:

this is saffron. it's made up of tiny red threads. each of those threads?

  • THREE TO A FUCKING FLOWER.
  • it takes 75,000 flowers to make ONE POUND of saffron
  • do u see this field? do u see this fucking field?
  • this field will produce enough saffron to fit in a goddam...baggie? a basket? a smallish bucket, perhaps?
  • and did I MENTION
  • the harvesting has to be done BY HAND
  • are u
  • are u comprehending
  • the Bullshit, are u comprehending it yet?
  • can u imagine. having to sit over a pile of thousands of blossoms and pick each. motherfucking. thread. by hand.
  • and after hours and hours
  • (your joints aching)
  • (your fingers stained)
  • after hours of this nonsense, lo and behold! you have harvested--about a thimble full of fucking saffron
  • jesus wept and so should you

she's such a whore why do i love her

Avatar

*pointing at the banilla beans, after explaining to my girlfriend that the pollination method was to push the pollen back into the flower

THESE, These are selfcest beans!

Avatar
Reblogged
Avatar

really like this reply i came across. skill issue. stop consuming media and start engaging with it. really good sentence.

Avatar
Reblogged the-purple-flower
Avatar

So the banner ad didn’t scale down for the mobile browser and it took me multiple minutes to realize that this stock photo of people in business suits was not, in fact, an illustration of what oathbreaker paladins in service to an evil power are supposed to look like

Avatar
Reblogged teaboot
Avatar
Avatar

Video caption: Good guy who talks like a bad guy 

“Perhaps you’d like to see my pets. They were ALL … rescues.” 

“And as always, gentlemen, our profits will be … donated.” 

“Oh, I wish I could stay and chat, but I’m afraid I have to take my friend to the airport.” 

Avatar
celestialyearning

Redeemed villain who can’t let the speech pattern go

Sponsored

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.