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pandora

@thetrialsandtribulationsofeb / thetrialsandtribulationsofeb.tumblr.com

my tiktok: @ secretgardensinmymind13

there’s something to be said about the “begins” episodes

bobby’s episode showed how he lost his family and blamed himself

athena’s episode showed how she lost her family (the potential of it) and blamed herself

bobby and athena helped each other overcome their grief (including athena’s grief over her family with michael). they took what was broken and built something beautiful together while keeping the memories of what was lost forever in their hearts

they both wanted to be first responders. they were meant to be first responders. it’s who they are, it’s in their blood, and they just get each other

they are the only ones who understand each other to the core because of what they’ve experienced

and then i watched “buck begins”, and something clicked in my brain.

eddie’s episode is about his f*cked up parents, who see him as a lost cause that destroys everything he touches. it’s about him joining the army, trying to escape what he knows because he can’t take it anymore. it’s about him disappointing his family and being abandoned by the person he loves the most (shannon). and it’s about him finally deciding to get away, break free, and find something better for himself - to build a new life, one he can call his own

buck’s episode is about his f*cked up parents, who see him as a lost cause that destroys everything he touches. it’s about him doing reckless things, trying to escape what he knows because he can’t take it anymore. it’s about him disappointing his family and being abandoned by the person he loves the most - first maddie (i know it wasn’t her fault, but buck didn’t know that at the time), then abby (though that wasn’t in this episode + i don’t think she was the one that got away, she was just the first person to teach buck what a real relationship is). and it’s about him finally deciding to get away, break free, and find something better for himself - to build a new life, one he can call his own

(another parallel i realized - they both had near-death experiences in their episodes and were saved by their real family (eddie by chris, buck by the 118))

shannon inspired eddie to move to la.

some random dude in peru inspired buck to move to la.

they both wanted to become firefighters. they were meant to be firefighters. it’s who they are, it’s in their blood, and they just get each other

they are the only ones who understand each other to the core because of what they’ve experienced

that’s why, the moment they met, there was chemistry. something clicked. they immediately became best friends

because the universe had planned it all along.

they were meant to leave their old lives behind, and they were meant to meet each other in their new one

there’s no buck without eddie

there’s no eddie without buck

two halves of one soul found each other and reconnected, and from that moment on, their world was changed forever

also, shannon was the one for chris, but she was never the one for eddie. if she were still alive, buck and eddie would still end up together - and they’d have the same dynamic as athena, bobby, and michael’s family, where they all co-parent their kids and have immense love for each other

shannon left eddie. he wasn’t enough for her.

abby left buck. he wasn’t enough for her.

buck and eddie never want to leave each other. they are enough, they’re everything to each other (and chris is everything to them)

anyway, “birds of a feather” and “cowboy like me” were written about them.

i knew you in another life

you had that same look in your eyes

i love you, don't act so surprised

(i'll love you ‘til the day that i die)

i've got some tricks up my sleeve

takes one to know one

you're a cowboy like me

what is love besides

two souls trying to heal each other?

i had to do it.

i know you did.

that was mitchell. always daring the clock. and me, i always followed along. all those foolish things we did. we only ever wanted to go together.
i guess i can only hope to find something that good. you don’t find it, son. you make it.
that's love.

I need us to all get on the same page that Eddie does not care if he's attracted to men or not. To the extent that Eddie's repressed, it's not because he feels ashamed about desiring men or even a specific man. It's that he feels ashamed about having any desires at all.

Like, as a former avowed gay!Eddie truther, I'm coming around to seeing him as bi simply because I feel like seeing him as gay is forcing people (even sometimes including myself) to see his actions through the lens of him running from attraction to men specifically. But this runs the risk of making people assume he has some kind of internalized homophobia (completely unsupported by the text) or religious guilt (even LESS supported by the text). Reducing his repression to specifically homophobic in nature really flattens him as a character and fails to acknowledge one of his most important traits: that he is first and foremost a martyr. His hesitance around women and dating is canonically about one specific thing: he thinks the most important thing is that he find someone who is good for Christopher. This is the running theme since he refused to let Shannon back in Christopher's life in season 2 and has been a major factor in every single relationship since. It may be that he's repressing his attraction to men, but only because I truly don't think he has thought about what he wants in a partner at all, only what kind of partner he thinks would be good for Christopher, which means someone that can approximately replace the mother he lost. (Who Eddie blames himself for driving away btw, and therefore also blames himself for her death.) It doesn't help that the one time he did give in to his own desires, specifically his desire for closure with Shannon in pursuing Kim, he drove Christopher away, only further reinforcing that he should not want things. Even Buck sees this and mentioned it in the last episode, pointing out that Eddie uses Christopher to reinforce his "mental chastity belt".

I just think it's very important to see that Eddie's reasoning for self-denial is not some kind of societal or religious guilt or norm. It's because of very specific personal trauma. Eddie thinks it's wrong to have desires, any desires at all, specifically because he connects his own desires to hurting people or driving them away.

in addition to the recurring trend of every queer dude in the history of 911 but buck clocking eddie, i also find the addition of ravi to the friendship dynamic as the designated straight man to be really interesting actually? like between 9.05 and 9.07 i think it's really apparent that he's there to further highlight the difference in how eddie is approaching women compared to other guys around him, who actively notice beautiful, gorgeous women in the vicinity, want go out to meet them at halloween parties and bars and clubs, and who intuitively understand the unspoken rules of engagement. but then he's also there to observe buck and eddie in their natural environment and give us repeated 🤨🤨🤨 reactions that the camera cuts to when they say completely unhinged things to and about each other in a way that they think is normal because they've been doing it so long

also it's just funny from a narrative irony standpoint to have someone third wheeling their super normal boy bestie friendship this season after eddie spent the first half of season 8 third wheeling buck's last relationship, except this time as a certifiable straight guy ravi has no interest in either of them, he's just there to contrast behavior and notice things

Y'all know I have big opinions on the way 911 handles buddie as a "slowburn" but the thing is, since Buck came out it's just been big development -> oops just kidding we won't mention this for 4 episodes -> big development -> oops let's not mention this for 6 episodes -> romcom worthy shit for 3 episodes -> let's remove Eddie from the show for a month -> Divorced couple fight -> how about we don't let them have a conversation for another 6 episodes. And the start and stop is just creating a choppy story because it's one thing to let us simmer when you have plausible deniability, it's another entirely when you had Buck's ex and sister imply there's more to their relationship and never mention it again. It's just tiring. There's fun in the potential, yeah, but not when the "potential" it's one episode of the highest high you could get and then a whole year of nothing substantially moving the plot.

This is it. I'm all for a slow burn but you have to keep it simmering, not constantly turn the heat off and on. I love the potential. The potential is delicious. The potential is why we're all here. I want yearning. I want almost-kisses that have me screaming at the TV. But there HAS to be a payoff. If there's no follow through then all the enjoyment of the potential turns sour.

Is he really this stupid? Yes, the possibility is exciting, the yearning, the will-they-won't-they - but it's been eight years. At some point there has to be a payoff. 🙄

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