today we are going to learn about horses
horse fact 1: horses are partially exoskeletal
horse fact 2: horses are partially trees
horse fact 3: got frogs in em
these are all the facts we have about horses.
OP that's not even a full horse. You've literally only looked at the feet.
maybe one day we will be brave enough to lift our eyes and look, trembling, at the rest of the horse. not today, though. today, these are all the facts we have about horses.
I fear a fresh wave of the plague
Update from twitter
i want to explain to people- the lower bit is accurate you probably pay way more in taxes/rent then a medieval peasants well as have less time off of work
𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕘𝕚𝕗𝕤 (1/?)
Sometimes my friends enter into such bad relationships it almost feels like a social experiment to see how long it'll take before I'm like, "You've gotta dump them."
What do you mean they accused you of emotionally cheating on them with your brother, because you talked to him a lot after your mom died? You need to run.
So let me get this straight. They won't let you wear green because one time your ex said they liked you in green?
How do they not know how to do laundry? What'd they do before you? Took it to their mom?? They are 40 years old!
Wait. You are not allowed to take Ibuprofen because they think you will become addicted... to not having a headache? I'll get rid of your headache rn.
Why are they posting on public social media like, "Longing to experience love someday..." They are engaged. To you. Your wedding is in like 90 days. Get a refund!
Pump the breaks! The person you met at a bar just 6 months ago convinced you to stop taking your medications, waited until you became manic, legally married you 24 hours later, and then removed you from the country to live in a place you've never even been, effectively severing you from all contact?
I'm gonna need smoke signals for this one...
Me telling this friend to dump them:
You're not allowed to go to bed after washing your face because they expect you to reapply a full face of make-up to sleep in... that green concealer cannot cover up all these red flags!
Ohio mostly.
Sometimes my friends enter into such bad relationships it almost feels like a social experiment to see how long it'll take before I'm like, "You've gotta dump them."
What do you mean they accused you of emotionally cheating on them with your brother, because you talked to him a lot after your mom died? You need to run.
So let me get this straight. They won't let you wear green because one time your ex said they liked you in green?
How do they not know how to do laundry? What'd they do before you? Took it to their mom?? They are 40 years old!
Wait. You are not allowed to take Ibuprofen because they think you will become addicted... to not having a headache? I'll get rid of your headache rn.
Why are they posting on public social media like, "Longing to experience love someday..." They are engaged. To you. Your wedding is in like 90 days. Get a refund!
Pump the breaks! The person you met at a bar just 6 months ago convinced you to stop taking your medications, waited until you became manic, legally married you 24 hours later, and then removed you from the country to live in a place you've never even been, effectively severing you from all contact?
I'm gonna need smoke signals for this one...
Me telling this friend to dump them:
You're not allowed to go to bed after washing your face because they expect you to reapply a full face of make-up to sleep in... that green concealer cannot cover up all these red flags!
Ohio mostly.
Sometimes my friends enter into such bad relationships it almost feels like a social experiment to see how long it'll take before I'm like, "You've gotta dump them."
What do you mean they accused you of emotionally cheating on them with your brother, because you talked to him a lot after your mom died? You need to run.
So let me get this straight. They won't let you wear green because one time your ex said they liked you in green?
How do they not know how to do laundry? What'd they do before you? Took it to their mom?? They are 40 years old!
Wait. You are not allowed to take Ibuprofen because they think you will become addicted... to not having a headache? I'll get rid of your headache rn.
Why are they posting on public social media like, "Longing to experience love someday..." They are engaged. To you. Your wedding is in like 90 days. Get a refund!
Pump the breaks! The person you met at a bar just 6 months ago convinced you to stop taking your medications, waited until you became manic, legally married you 24 hours later, and then removed you from the country to live in a place you've never even been, effectively severing you from all contact?
I'm gonna need smoke signals for this one...
Me telling this friend to dump them:
You're not allowed to go to bed after washing your face because they expect you to reapply a full face of make-up to sleep in... that green concealer cannot cover up all these red flags!
Ohio mostly.
i just felt someone right click me
be crustpunk be DIY whatever just don’t be the crustpunk DIY triangle shirtwaist factory ok. it’s not fostering community if you kill people
My kids' elementary school teacher died in the Ghost Ship Fire, where an "artists collective" housed in an unlawfully converted warehouse held an underground concert that ended up killing 36 people in 2016.
They didn't believe in The Man. Or fire codes.
Please keep fighting The Man but the fire codes need to stay my guys
Safety rules and drills, fire codes, building codes, food safe rules. None of these are "establishment" to fight. These are things written because of injury and death and are things that people have fought for, to make those in power actually adhere to them, to keep people safe. They are the collective action actually working, don't discard them.
Someone in Glasgow please go see this for me pls. I will be there in spirit 🙏
Brief report from the flute accompaniment:
It went well! At least 100 people attended, families dogs a solid portion of Glasgow's trans community. There was a really lovely atmosphere, nice weather and a very cheerful celebratory vibe.
After short speeches from the ballhaver and the large dyke (my wife), the ballhaver was given a chupa chup and blindfolded (execution style). The balls were then duly kicked; it made a surprisingly loud dull thumping sound. She fell to the ground to loud cheers and there was a moment of silence while Taps played on the flute. The large dyke wore solovair urban hikers.
Account from the Large Dyke.
Arrived early to find the crowd already gathering, so the kick got off to a prompt start. Following some introductions from everybody and some cheery folk music from our flautist (my wife!) we got on with the kick.
I think we got good contact, the top of my boot making a good solid noise on impact. Very good atmosphere all round, people stayed to chat for a while. Were it not January it would have been an excellent opportunity for a picnic.
10/10 queer event, would happily kick anybody in the balls in the name of community.
Account from the ball haver
7am: the pressure is getting to me; I wake up and drink half a bottle of diet iron bru from my bedside table; roll out of bed, and psych myself up in the mirror - "you can do this my little pogchamp" I say to myself over and over until I decend into a stupor.
8am: I play an hour of Okami on steam to replenish my chi levels
9am: I look at my balls for a while
10am: I spend 20 or so minutes trying to decide what to wear before realising it's the subartic in midwinter and I'm going to have to dress for -2C° regardless of what I choose and opt of my trusty black Schott thermal padded winter flight jacket and a pair of loose, warm Uniqlo trousers to give my testicles room to breathe.
11am: crashing out, texting my friends to arange a substitute kickee, an understudy, anybody so I can just become one with the crowd and not go through with it
12am: the homies have arrived, I'm drinking redbush tea in a small cafe by the park; god is in his heaven and all is right with the world
12.15: "you must be here to watch me get kicked in the balls?"
12.40: a circle emerges, from within the circle a palpable energy focuses like a lens down unto me and I feel like I'm gonna pee my pants a little
12.50: cheers begin, several complete families with dogs arrive - more friends appear and assort themselves into a gathering of 'real heads' ready to watch my groin be dessicated by the firm lace of a women for woman woman with a foot loosed through the gates of war as Augustus saw fit the dispatch and return of his troops from far corners through the blessings of Janus.
12.55: I think I left the stove on
1pm: Short introductions are made, grace is shown, beautiful flute music accompanies the gathering
1.03pm: what is left of my dignity disappears up my inguinal canal; I fall to the ground and languish a moment. I can feel it more in my lower chest than I can in my groin but the humour and adrenaline lift me and I'm laughing on my feet again soon. I kneel for the last post.
These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:
1.
“Okay, and who’s the president?”
“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”
“It’s okay, you know who he is.”
2.
“Who’s the president?”
“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….
“Yup, good enough.”
3.
“And who’s the president,”
“Not fuckin’ Obama!”
“I feel ya.”
4.
“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“
“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”
“Oh, well, alright then.”
5. (My personal favorite)
“Who’s the president?”
“Ew.”
“Good enough.”
My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.
lol me too , lady
One time I got “that orange fuck” from a very cute little old lady with urosepsis
I have - quite unintentionally - contributed to this phenomenon.
I was waking up from surgery in the post-op observation room, where they kept people before sending them off to the ICU. The nurse was talking to me as I was semi-awake, telling me that as soon as it was ready, I would be sent to room 2008.
I did not hear the word “room”.
I started trying to sit up and get out of bed (entirely unsuccessfully), shouting (mumbling forcefully), “He’s not president yet! I have to warn everyone!”
That’s awesome. Thank you for trying to warn us
i’ve been looking for this post for ages and it finally crossed my dash again
(( *smiles* the post is back))
Paramedics had to stop asking “who’s the prime minister?” in Australia because it changed so often that not knowing the answer wasn’t really all that indicative of anything.
One paramedic reported receiving the answer “I haven’t watched the news today”.
Meanwhile in Germany, the joke goes that a teenager is waking up in a hospital bed, the nurse asks them who the chancellor is and they say, “hang on are you telling me that can change?”
i wish i could find my post about clear gilgamesh (it’s water mixed with water)
TWO PARTS H AND ONE PART O
FROM CLOUDS ABOVE OR WELL BELOW
PUT IN ICE TO MAKE IT COLD
CLASSIC DRINK FROM DAYS OF OLDE
CLEAR GILGAMESH, IT’S JUST WATER
GOES DOWN SMOOTH CAUSE IT’S JUST WATER
Okay kids buckle up for the INSANE story I just heard from my little brother
**As a disclaimer my brother is a cis straight dude who only dates the most basic white girls you can find. He's very emotionally aware but doesn't linger on his emotions, just processes them and moves on (this is wild to me)**
He calls me on my break just to say hi, that he’s driving back to Denver from visiting his girlfriend, to which I respond “didn’t you break up with your girlfriend (of like a month) last month” and to which he says “yeah I have a new girlfriend, we’ve been together four weeks but I went up to spend the weekend and meet her friends” and I’m like ok great this is already ridiculous
So we’re chatting and I’m teasing him about how he doesn’t sleep with people on first dates and he says that he’s changed his policy, it’s just that he won’t have sex with them if he’d rather be doing something else, so I joke that I’ve had that where I’d rather be watching the show Chernobyl (true) and he says “yeah or watching a movie with my housemate” and I say hey bud that’s kind of gay and he says yeah I actually had a weird gay moment last night
And I go oh???? And he goes yeah, I was at the bar with the girlfriend and some of her friends and one of them was a guy and we were hitting it off, doing a little flirting as you do with your bros at the bar~
And then my cis straight brother goes on to explain that sometimes when you’re out with the homies and you’re having a good time and the vibes are right you just give em a little kiss, like just a kiss on the mouth between bros, “no tongue or anything like that but just to express that you’re close and having a good time”
I’m like “My dude that’s not a thing” and he’s like “between confident straight men it is” and I’m like “NO IT’S NOT"
So there we’ve got my brother having casual queerplatonic relationships with his homies at the bar, and he’s telling me this and I’m obviously speechless, so he goes on and he’s like “so because this guy and I were hitting it off I go in for a little kiss and he fucking swerves me” and I’m like yes my guy but because my brother is actually very good with respecting boundaries he was like “ok man great communication, won’t do it again"
BUT
Apparently my brother and the dude and my brother's GIRLFRIEND who has been there the WHOLE TIME go outside (I assume to have a cigarette but he didn’t tell me that part) and the guy turns to my brother and is like “man I should have kissed you when you offered it” and my brother is like “cool good shit man” like in the most bro way possible and then the guy grabs his face between his hands and just PLANTS a big one on his mouth
And THEN the guy panics and shoves him down on the ground!! And my brother has the normal reaction to being shoved on the ground unexpectedly which is to say “what the FUCK” and the girlfriend says “what the FUCK” and the guy goes “what the FUCK” and leaves
And my brother ended the story there and was musing on it like "this guy obviously has some complexes to work through about his sexuality, no confident straight man kisses another confident straight man and then panics and runs away”
Which took me out at the KNEES lol
And that, dear readers, is the batshit story my brother told me!
OH MY GOD AND
AND
I told my coworker this and they were like I’m actually shipping him and his roommate and I was like HUH because I hadn't considered that and then later my brother sent me a photo of his housemate wearing sexy handcuffs
Love complimenting strangers' outfits. They always smile so hard. It's like, haha I got you, bitch. You've fallen for my manipulations of Making Your Day. Yeah walk away from me all happy. I got your ass