AHHHH I WANT TO RELAPSE, I NEED TO RELAPSE, SOMEONE PLEASE ENCOURAGE ME TO RELAPSE, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, I DON'T WANT TO BE CLEAN, I WANT TO RELAPSEEEEEEEEEEEEJEHEH!&^@&@^@&×;#;#!!!!

"I'll always be with you" BRO JEEBJSHWJAJAHAJAAJJAJAJAJA.

This year sucks, 2027 will be my year.

I'm really proud of my scars, it's like, bro, I'm really good at this.

Ya la cague, me voy.

"You are not alone!" I literally am.

I haven't had a breakdown in a long time, and I know I should be happy about that, but I miss having breakdowns. I miss how it feels. I miss feeling this bad. I miss the rage. I miss the anger. I miss the urge to break things and hit myself. I miss feeling so awful. I miss being able to scream. I miss having breakdowns so much. I don't know how to explain it, I know I shouldn't but I really do.

I feel so alone, it's not even funny anymore. I'm completely alone, I have no one. I try so hard to keep people in my life, but they all drift away. What am I doing wrong? I want someone to tell me so I can change. I don't want to feel alone. I feel like I have no one. I'm always there for others, but no one is there for me. They only come to me when they want something or when they have problems. I like help. Don't get me wrong, but I'd like to have friends I can talk to every day, people who truly care about me. I want friends who don't stop talking to me for months for no reason. I want to stop begging people to be with me. The worst part is that they apologize, but they don't change. What's the point of apologizing if you're not going to change and everything will stay the same? I love them very much, but they don't love me back. I'm just the person they vent to and then ignore for months. They never invite me when they go out, they don't make plans with me, and they never consider me unless they're going through a tough time. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing them to be my friends anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I feel so stupid for surviving, it's like, bro how could you fail at that? Damn.

I want money, I need money, give me money, I'll do anything.

I need more scars.

"But you survived!" And that's the damn problem.

"Go deeper" Stop flirting with meee. ><

I want to relapse.

I live with the constant feeling that I will die young. I know I won't live long, but it doesn't scare or bother me; it actually brings me peace. That feeling that I will die young embraces me with too much love to frighten me.