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Destiel Fanfiction as a Coping Mechanism

@whoipretended2b

Destiel shipper/writer
She/her 30s
WhoIPretended2Be on AO3
404.pretender on discord

Introduction

I'm WhoIPretended2Be on AO3. You can call me WIP2B, Pretender, or Britt.

Posting Serially (but finished):

Rated E. 28,000 words when finished.

Castiel sees his a coworker on a dating app and swipes left to avoid humiliation. Months later, a stray comment outs him to the same coworker, Dean.

As misunderstandings pile up and avoidance becomes its own kind of harm, Castiel is left asking: how much of the life he’s built is peace and how much of it is just practice at staying unseen?

Finished Fics:

Rated E. 8,628 words.

Dean came for the pool tables. He stayed for Cas, the older, tattooed bartender who never flirts but always steps in when Dean gets in over his head. One night, things go too far, and Cas crosses a line of his own. It could break Dean down… or be his lucky break.

Inspired by the alleyway scene in S5E18 where Castiel slams him against the wall. I wanted to write something with that same energy--the danger, frustration, and desire all tangled up together.

Rated E. 122,132 words

Android! Castiel and Former soldier and android tech Dean

The subway station was a mess of flickering fluorescents and stale air, the kind of place that clung to the skin, made a person feel grimy just by standing in it. The lights overhead buzzed, the uneven frequency setting his teeth on edge. Dean took the stairs two at a time, his boots scuffing against the concrete, barely catching himself when the metal threshold at the bottom shifted underfoot. His weight adjusted automatically—small shift, center of gravity steady, just like they taught him.

Stupid. No reason for that.

He muttered a curse and pressed forward.

Rated T. 24k words. Written for the DCBB!

The night John Winchester dies, Dean drives aimlessly through the city until he finds himself stopping at a bookstore he’s never noticed before. He doesn’t know why he stops. He doesn’t know why he goes inside.

The place is warm and inviting, even if the shopkeeper is a little robotic. While browsing the shelves, Dean finds surreal books like histories where the Titanic never sank and JFK was never assassinated.

And then he finds his shelf: rows of books bearing his name. Some are pasts he never lived. Others are futures he never could have dreamed. All of them are impossible lives. The shopkeeper tells him the only way to leave is to choose one. When Dean refuses, the bookstore turns against him, plunging him into a nightmare with only one way out: choose.

What does free will mean in a place like this? And what happens to those who refuse to choose?

Rated E.

Shapeshifter! Cas and Hunter Dean.

Castiel hated becoming someone else. The process was revolting; skin sloughing off like wet clay, muscles pulling into unfamiliar shapes, but necessity left no room for disgust. He was fortunate that when he normally altered his appearance he just… changed. His mother said that some shifters went through the whole shedding process any time they changed their appearance at all. If that’s how it’d been for him, he would never change forms. Or at least he’d wait until it was an absolute necessity. 

Rated M. 42k words. All-human AU where Cas and Dean are college seniors. Fanfiction as a coping mechanism. Writing and reading fanfiction.

Castiel Shurley doesn’t have a lot of free time as a college senior, but he always makes time for his favorite show, The End. It may not be the most well-written show, but he’s been watching it since high school and it, and the fandom, has gotten him through some pretty tough times in his life. He and his brother used to watch it together. So every Thursday, without fail, he tunes in to watch his favorite characters navigate the post-apocalyptic world. 

Occasionally, he even makes entries in his ever-growing doc of plot bunnies. Castiel has never written a fanfic; he’s much more of a reader than a writer, not that you would guess that from the size of the document… 

Rated T. 15k words. All-human AU. Castiel is in a time loop trying to save his best friend, Dean Winchester.

Castiel sat in the downtown diner, surrounded by the familiar sounds of ice being scooped into glasses, the low hum of conversation, the occasional burst of laughter, and the jingling of the bell at the door. The large windows let in the morning sunlight, making the diner glow. The center of the diner had booths and tables, and a long counter stretching along the back wall, and the walls were covered with old rock 'n roll memorabilia. Dean loved this place.

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “A Permanent Mark” 

Author: Artemis73 / @artemis-73 Artist: @witchy-worm

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: None Length:  25,000 words Tags:  Alternate Universe-Science Fiction, Meet-Cute, Angst, Betrayal, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond Relationships: Dean/Castiel

Summary:  

Castiel is a highly efficient member of the AIPD. He's in a new city with a new and improved vessel, but everything goes sideways when he meets Dean. For the first time, he feels. Affection, confusion, anger, love. It's the sort of emotional dysregulation that could lead to an AI being reprogrammed.

Dean is responsible for his baby brother who's still sick with grief, but he can't help but want Castiel. As selfish as it might be, he starts to wonder if he can have one thing just for himself.

But when secrets are revealed, can they overcome betrayal and circumstances out of their control in order to be together?

Excerpt: 

The man smiled an objectively imperfect smile: lopsided with slightly stained human teeth. He would look better with a set of pearly veneers, and it wouldn't hurt for him to practice his smile in the mirror, as Castiel was informed humans tended to do. But somehow, it suited him anyway.

"Whatcha looking for?" The man rounded the counter. Pinned to the front of his ratty flannel was an antique name tag with Dean inscribed on it in black ink.

"My balcony," Castiel blurted. His skin was hot like he'd been standing in the sun, even though downtown was filled with towering buildings that cast cooling shadow across the sidewalks. Though his vessel's resting heart rate was 57 bpm and had been steady at that rate on his route to the shop, it had risen rapidly to 65 bpm.

His vessel was malfunctioning. Some sort of late-onset rejection. He had been trained on this—delirium, disconnect between body and mind, fever—but his training hadn't covered rejections that happened after 3 weeks and 4 days in a vessel.

"You're looking for a balcony?" Dean asked. He was still smiling. He'd tucked part of his lower lip between his uneven teeth, and his eyes were… Very green. With golden flecks near the pupils. And they were…

Castiel had to remind his vessel how to breathe. Once he left this place, he would return to the precinct and explain that his vessel was rejecting him. It was unfortunate, considering how well things had been going until now.

When Dean raised his eyebrows, his question finally processed, and Castiel stammered, "What? No, of course not. That would be ridiculous."

He forced his eyes away from Dean and to the plants that lined the back wall. His lungs began working properly again.

Posting date: March 4, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “Duties & Dreams” 

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: None Length: 50,000 words Tags:  historical fantasy AU; platonic lavender marriage due to period typical homophobia; kid fic/parent Cas; dom/sub undertones; wingfic Relationships: Dean/Castiel, Charlie Bradbury/Anna Milton; Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy

Summary:  

Dean Winchester's life has been planned for him since before his birth. As the heir to his father's estate, his dreams are immaterial and, frankly, dangerous. He has long accepted that he will need to put his duties above all else.

While attending to one of those duties, Dean stumbles into a dream-like world and meets Castiel, a beautiful fae lord who has never once denied himself an indulgence. Cas samples desires like a dessert buffet, and Dean is terrified of how much he wants to taste. 

Excerpt: 

"What are you?" The sound of the mortal's voice startles him. He'd momentarily forgotten he was there.

Castiel turns to him, confused by the question. "I am Castiel."

"That's your name. But what are you? You're not human. Are you… are you an angel?"

"I am Fae, of course. Cannot you tell?" It's not as if Castiel's hidden his ears. Or his wings, for that matter.

"Fae. Like a… you're a fairy. You're a fairy and this is… I'm in. This is Faerie. I must have had an apoplexy. The rabbit and the tree. Hawthorn trees at Maytide. Down the hole. Into Faerie. Must have hit my head. Utterly dicked in the nob. Fit for Bedlam."

The mortal paces in circles, muttering to himself. Castiel leans against a tree, watching him with amusement. Mortals are fascinating. He can only understand a portion of what he says. The mortal stops, trailing off as he stares at Castiel, studying him.

His eyes trace Castiel's chest, his wings, his legs. Castiel is not unfamiliar with desire, but there is something about this man openly desiring him that satisfies something deep within him. When the mortal's eyes rise to Castiel's face and see that Castiel is watching him look him over, his blush returns.

Castiel's answering smile may be just this side of predatory. "What is your name?"

The mortal bends slightly at the waist. "Dean Winchester of Lawrence Park in Hampshire."

Castiel pushes off the tree he was leaning on and approaches. "Well, Dean Winchester of Lawrence Park in Hampshire, what brings you to Eden?"

"I- there was a rabbit."

"And the rabbit brought you here, did he? Did you catch his name?"

Posting date: March 3, 2026

So excited for this one!!!

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “Deo Gratias” 

Author: Zero_Sparrow / @xzerosparrowx Artist: @impmakesart

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: Graphic depictions of violence Length:  30,000 words Tags:  Demon!Dean, Priest!Cas, hurt/comfort, religious trauma, graphic depictions of self-harm. Relationships: Dean/Castiel

Summary:  

In a crisis of faith, Father Castiel calls into the dark to prove himself to God.

A fallen angel answers.

As Castiel spirals beneath the crushing weight of faith, shame, a hunger he cannot name, and the quiet violence of devotion, he is drawn into a dangerous intimacy with that which is most unholy.

To be truly seen, heard, and understood is divine.

Wolves are not solitary creatures. And not every fall is a punishment.

Excerpt: 

It was then that Castiel felt it: a shadow standing in the dark corner of a room, the arrested breath before a teetering chair falls back, a storm silently approaching from the horizon. Doom. 

This was a mistake.

“A bit arrogant, isn’t it, Father?” Castiel jumped at the deep, resonant voice from the back of the church. He felt the voice in his chest, in the rumble of the stones beneath his feet, and Castiel stared at the furthest pews, where the darkest of the gloom gathered.

There was nothing.

Yet Castiel stared, and stared, and stared at that spot, where the darkness and the absence seemed to hide a shape. His breath stuttered in his throat, the hairs on his neck rising as he looked and realised, with a profound, terrible understanding, that something was staring back.

Castiel squeezed his rosary, a breathless prayer falling from his lips as his back hit the marble altar.

He watched in horror as the shadows began to glide from the pews to the centre aisle, the candles; one by one, eaten by the creeping void. A yawning, monstrous eternity, the lonely and bitter universe a wall of gloom that slowly, as if lethargic by its own existence, crawled towards the priest. A chorus of whispers echoed in the dark, hushed and reverent. Tendrils of shadow slithered across the windows, the twilight of the stars, saints and archangels all consumed in its cavernous maw. The world turned dark, grave-silent and death-cold, the darkness had shut the outside world from the view, and the only things left were It and Castiel.

“To pick a fight with a fallen angel?” The creature's voice rumbled, like a thunderstorm in the distance.

Posting date: March 2, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “An Un-sea-sonable Encounter” 

Author: SakuraKitty / @wolfiepyxie Artist: @fluffsnake

Rating: Mature Archive warnings: None Length: 60,000 words Tags:  Slow burn, mer Castiel, Dean Winchester is bad at feelings, pirate Dean Winchester, enemies to lovers Relationships: Dean/Castiel

Summary:  

Separated from his brother and crew after falling overboard from his ship, Dean finds himself being saved by a frustratingly strange cecaelia with eyes as deep as the ocean he calls home.

Stranded and fighting to find his way back to his crew, his family, Dean must come to terms with many a things that had always seemed very black and white in his life. Why did the Cecelia save him? Why hadn't he been left for death or even killed on sight? And why did this mer in particular star such confusing feelings within him the more in contact they were with one another? The answer to his questions was staring Dean right in the face and all he had to do was ask, but he always has been stubborn.

Excerpt: 

All thoughts came to a screeching halt once Dean caught sight of the gills situated below the man's impressive pectorals. Mer-people, this man was one of them. He didn't even need to know what type of mer this one was, all he knew was that they were dangerous, that he was the enemy. 

Propping himself up on a elbow slightly, Dean further observed the mer as he reached for the hidden knife within his boot as subtly as possible. He couldn't let him onto what he was about to do, not that the creature was paying that much attention to the slow stretch the hunter was taking to reach his knife. In fact the mer seemed more preoccupied with the fact that he was awake, he even seemed relieved at such a thing. Again, how very odd and out of character for mer-people such as him. Unless… was this some sort of trick? A ploy to draw the hunter into a false sense of security before the creature inevitable pounces and devours him, bones and all. And frankly, Dean would rather not have his skelly-bones be a chew toy for some weirdly hot half fish man! 

Posting date: March 1, 2026

Are you looking for someplace to discuss that gay hockey show? Welcome to: The Cottage - an 18+ server for fans of the Game Changers book series and the Heated Rivalry TV show.

Yes, yes, I know, this is primarily a Destiel blog but just like the rest of you, Hollanov has me in a death grip.

This server is in its infancy, so I am very open to suggestions, channel recommendations, etc. I'm also looking for at least one more moderator. If you have experience with modding on Discord and want to help, please let me know! We look forward to seeing you there!

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “Murder at the Novak Manor” 

Author: @dunsummit Artist: lena-arting / @lenaarting

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Length: 12,000 words Tags:  Murder Mystery AU, 1800s AU, Aristocrat Castiel, Detective Dean Relationships: Dean/Castiel, Daphne Allen/Amelia Novak

Summary:  

On a dark, rainy night, Dean is called to both a manor and a murder. The victim, he finds, is regarded fondly by everyone inside -- but what motives lie beneath?

His case is only made more difficult by a sudden, mutual interest in one of his main suspects. But Castiel refuses to answer certain questions, and many others in the manor are just as cagey. Dean finds himself at the manor again and again, both to pursue his leads and also allow himself a distraction he may not be able to afford. He can't let his guard down.

But, oh, how he wants to.

Excerpt: 

Dean angles himself slightly, takes a slow, hesitating first step in gesture for Castiel to follow him, and takes them to the drawing room. When Castiel looks in, his face grows pale and devastated. "No," he murmurs. Dean watches the way his eyes skip over everything, and then stop to linger on the still-open window. "Oh no."

"Where were you tonight?" Dean tries again. He backs away, so that they're away from the murder scene.

Castiel jerks back around to stare at him, advancing after him in long, quick strides. "You can't possibly think I did this. I told you, she's a good friend of—"

"Your wife," Dean interrupts. "Yes. Everyone has said the same thing."

"Then you know that she was well-liked," Castiel says, voice deepening and roughening with his irritation. His words are stiff, like they catch in his throat. "And that no one in this manor would have brought her harm."

Dean studies him, and then drops his gaze meaningfully to Castiel's mud-lined shoes. Castiel follows his look, and makes a noise. "It's raining outside."

"And where were you that you were walking in it, then?"

"You should be questioning her husband," Castiel tells him.

Dean raises his eyebrows. "I will," he says slowly. "Tomorrow. Why?"

Castiel balks at that. "I just," he fumbles for a long moment, tipping his chin down and away, "I think it would be in your best interests, is all."

Dean narrows his eyes. "Why won't you tell me where you've been tonight?"

Posting date: February 27, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “(I Don't Believe In) Modern Love” 

Author: @noxemma Artist: WitchyWorm / @witchy-worm

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: Graphic depictions of violence Length: 36,000 words Tags:  Alternate Universe - No Supernatural, Two-person love triangle(s), secret identities, religious cults (past), smut, Relationships: Dean/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Jessica Moore, Jo/Meg, Mentions of Charlie/Gilda

Summary:  

Dean’s just a barista who has a run-in with a grumpy customer.

Castiel is just a writer who happens to find inspiration in an unlikely place at a little coffee shop.

Only, people are never just one thing and both Cas and Dean are hiding some big secrets about their identities.

When worlds collide and their secrets, past and present, come to light, will they be able to keep the relationships they've formed? Or will they be another casualty of modern love?

Excerpt: 

“-really, I think it’s better if I just-”

“Here!” Dean pants, holding out the vouchers and a wad of fabric as he drags the mop behind him. “We, um, I’m sorry we didn’t have any shirts left in your size, but um, I had a spare in case of spills. I promise it’s clean and-”

Dean shuts up at the swift jab and What the fuck, Winchester look from Meg.

The man unravels the shirt and looks at Dean with a raised brow that makes him want to shrink back into the walls. But instead of complaining, the man just nods. He sets his laptop bag and sopping notepad back onto the table before heading to the restroom.

Meg leaves Dean to mop up the mess and watch over the man’s belongings while she heads back to man the front counter.

Dean almost doesn’t regret the accident when the man comes out clad in his classic Friday the 13th tee.

“I really am sorry about spilling the coffee on you. I promise we’re not usually this …” Dean flails, half because of embarrassment and half because he can now tell that the man was hiding some seriously nice arms beneath his white button up.

“Incompetent?” The attractive man supplies and Dean winces, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” Dean wheezes, tongue feeling impossibly thick and dry, but thankfully cooperative. “I really am sorry and I hope we can make it up to you in the future.”

“Hmmm. I suppose I’ll have to be back to return your shirt,” Blue Eyes murmurs more to the air than to Dean.

Posting date: February 26, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “Another Word for Home” 

Authors: @aishitara & @jemariel Artist: girlinthemirrorbluenight / @girlinthemirrorbluenight-library

Rating: Teen and Up Archive warnings:  Length: 24,000 words Tags:  dadstiel AU, omg they were neighbors!, miscommunication is always the enemy with these two, fluff, angst Relationships: Dean/Castiel, Jody/Donna, Cas + Kelly (platonic)

Summary:  

Middle school art teacher Dean Winchester is a single dad in a small conservative town. Being a single parent has its challenges—dating, for example, is virtually impossible—but Dean's got his village, and a great job, and an awesome kid. What more could he ask for?

When Castiel Novak moves into the neighborhood, Dean's quiet life is turned on its head. Castiel is sweet, funny, kind—and seems to be a single dad, as well, to an angelic four-month-old, Jack.

Dean hasn't wanted to be with someone so badly in a long time, but a misunderstanding threatens their relationship before it has a chance to bloom.

Excerpt: 

Donna's at Dean's side again, her unexpected elbow digging in once again and bringing Dean back to Earth, which is when he realizes his very hot neighbor is looking at him with raised eyebrows, like maybe he'd just asked Dean a question—

"Huh?" Dean says intelligently, fumbling around for a comfortable grin and hopefully settling on something that doesn't make him look like a complete idiot. He used to be smoother than this, didn't he?

"I said, 'extorting people in their own homes wasn't enough for you?'" Castiel says, an amused twist to the corner of his mouth.

Before Dean can muster an answer, Emma jumps in front of him and asks, "How did you like the cookies?"

"Oh, I—" An interesting shade of red climbs up Castiel's neck. "They were quite good." Eye contact returning to Dean, he says, "You were right about the Tagalongs. Too sweet."

"Oh yeah?" Dean says, brain not checking in with any sort of filter before it commands his mouth open to speak. "Didn't think anything would be too sweet for you," is what comes out, and Emma whips around to look up at him, very conspicuously and very snarkily, even for a ten-year-old.

Dean tries not to give her a snarky look in return but it takes… more brainpower than he'd like to admit.

That interesting shade of red on Castiel's face climbs higher. "I did enjoy the Thin Mints, though," he says, quick and apparently ignoring Dean's maybe-inadvertent flirtation.

Definitely. Definitely inadvertent. He doesn't have time—there's no way, not with Emma's schedule, and spring mid-terms coming up—not to mention he's not looking for—Emma's needs are always going to come first, after all, and—

"That's because Thin Mints are the best," Alex chimes in from Donna's other side.

Posting date: February 25, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “Sorrow's in the Marrow” 

Author: ValandraWrites / @valandrawrites Artist: @envydean

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: Graphic depictions of violence Length: 45,000 words Tags:  Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Surgeon Dean Winchester, Dangerous Castiel (Supernatural) Relationships: Dean/Castiel

Summary:  

Illegal implants and back-alley deals keep Dean alive. Every night, he cuts into bodies, weaving mech into bone, siphoning biomatter while his patients sleep. It’s worth it if Sam wakes breathing. But his time is running short as he flirts with the law, hunting a cure.

Castiel is the enemy. Malak Corp’s agent, who vanishes men like Dean, yet he lies bare on Dean’s surgical table, trusting him with bone, nerve, and blood. When Cas starts talking about replacing his impossible blue eyes, it twists Dean’s gut, scraping raw.

The risk is insane, but letting Cas go? Not an option.

Excerpt: 

When the vendor handed over the skewers wrapped in foil and wax paper, Cas paid without looking at the number that flashed briefly on the chipped screen. He passed one to Dean.

“Alright,” Dean said, peeling back the foil. “I’ll pay you back for mine.”

Cas lifted his own skewer. “You’re welcome to try. This is my treat.”

Dean frowned and took a bite.

The meat was smoky and blistered at the edges, tender inside, soaked through with spice and heat and something sweet that cut through the grease. He made a sound he absolutely did not mean to make out loud. At least not in public.

Cas stilled, his eyes on Dean’s mouth as he chewed. “Good?”

Dean swallowed, then licked his lips. He clocked how Cas’ eyes followed his tongue, how he leaned forward slightly, eyes sharp, breath hot. “Delicious,” 

Cas breathed, eyes moving up over Dean’s jaw and cheek with fierce eyes.

“Castiel,” Dean sputtered, ears flaring hot.

He looked down, a pink flush spread across his cheeks. Being gay wasn't outlawed like it had been in the old cities, but it wasn't exactly common. He'd never been sure about Castiel. The man didn't give much away.

This felt different

They ate as they walked around the market, and fell into an easy, companionable rhythm, the city roaring and whispering around them. Dean hadn’t realized how tightly wound he’d been until the tension started bleeding out of him.

“This is dirty pool,” he told Cas. “You can’t just feed people like this.”

Cas glanced at him sideways. “Is that what you feel right now? Manipulated?”

“…Maybe I just don’t know what you want, and that makes me nervous,” he admitted.

“Maybe I don’t want anything. I just want exactly what I’ve said.” 

Dean frowned. “Everyone wants something, Cas.”

Posting date: February 24, 2026

Coming soon for the @destielaureversebb: “The Star Prince” 

Author: violethoure666 / @sicksicksixx Artist: Echo_S / @echo-shark

Rating: Explicit Archive warnings: None Length: 65-75k words Tags:  medieval/fantasy setting, prince Castiel, knight Dean, secret magic, slow burn Relationships: Dean/Castiel

Summary:  A prince. A knight. A destiny written in the stars. Castiel was raised to hide the truth of himself and what he can do with his powers, but when his world comes crashing down, the halcyon life that both he and Dean have lived for years is upended. Swords, sorcery, secrets – and at the heart of it all is a prophecy that could change everything.

Excerpt: 

Castiel looks down at Dean where he kneels. “Do you swear to serve me, Dean Winchester, as my personal knight and guard, for the rest of your days?”

Dean’s eyes are bright and wide. His tongue, quick and pink, flits out to wet his lips before he answers. “I do, your highness.”  And there is such gravity there that Castiel has to marvel at it for a moment.

Castiel leans down and pins his sigil to the sash hanging across Dean's chest. Three stars in silver and blue. It’s something to remind people that Dean belongs to him, as much as he belongs to his father, to the Kingdom of Heofon.

“Rise, Sir Winchester,” King Charles says, and Dean does, his eyes lingering on Castiel for another moment before he bows to his king, then turns to the crowd to raise his sword in the air.

Posting date: February 23, 2026

okay we really need to talk about it

I guess every person who believes in bi!Dean has ever thought “but why has this silly guy never come out? He’s obviously flustered by men but he never really tries”.

And!

There’s the cut scene from 14x14, “Ouroboros”, where Dean says John used him as a bait for evil truckers.

And if we think more than a second, we can see young Dean with his big green eyes and plump lips, playing innocence and taking dirty hints to distract the monster.

So. One more time.

Dean knocks on the door, smiles, flirts, winks and finally gets inside.

John is getting ready. Dean is still in the truck cabin with a lustful monster.

How far is he going? Hardly think John cares. He’s waiting for the perfect moment, while Dean is being touched or maybe even kissed, because Dean is a good soldier. And good soldiers don’t ruin the Hunt.

It wasn’t one time or two.

“Dad made me do it all the time”.

Dean was being touched by men against his will constantly, so over time he just couldn’t perceive gay people as he used to do.

We all talk about John being homophobic, but what if it wasn’t the reason?

What if Dean just couldn’t imagine himself with a man and not see all these truck drivers instead?

What if that’s why he never flirts with men in early seasons.

He still remembers too well. He still sees not enough positive examples.

What if that’s why a little later even drunk he could only flirt, but not sleep with men. Because sleep means lust. And men’s lust is disgusting and dangerous.

What if only years later he watches “Brokeback mountain” for the first time, witnesses Jack Twist’s love and yearning and pain and thinks “wow. that was pure. that was real”.

What if the process we can see through all the seasons is not a getting rid of the internalized homophobia, but a healing?

Considering disobedience - Base pic from cascaps
endvverse +200 followers celebration! I've reached a new milestone those past days. To the new ones, I hope you find here what you were looking for (destiel, cockles (warning: we ship real people in this blog) , the eventual shitposting...). To the old ones, a pleasure to see y'all still there. I'm so grateful for each one of you even if we don't interact (you can talk to me anytime, btw).
You know (if not, you do now!) I'm a big sucker for trueform!Cas so if you have some headcanon, a fic, art, whatever...please share it with me. You can @ me or tag me (#endvverse).
Tagging people from the taglist since this is original content anyway, ignore the rest (as always, click for HQ - ask to be added/removed):
@iamchillallthetime @xofemeraldstars @endverse @enby-dean @goodgirldean @destiebestie @fallenangelsera @petrichoravellichor @caskarass@metallicanatural @autisticgaycastiel @castinkywinky @yeesaac @deanandkastiel

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