Old characters searching for true love. Hook still family to Henry. I swear, if we have to see Emma die so Henry can help his step dad move on and find love again, I will puke.

Are you really using a broad sweeping description for advertisers at May upfronts as a spoiler and then applying it to the one character it’s least likely to apply to in order to make yourself (and me) crazy?

Good grief. They’ve already said Henry is going to be the big love story. I think they are telling us that so we know that they don’t need to use any of the returning three for that purpose, especially next season.

My inbox has been full of question about Hook getting a new love interest, so I will address it ONE time.

Obviously I have no idea what they’re going to do, but let me run through the reasons it’s a dumb fucking idea.

Hook is one-half of the most popular, most epic, most central love-story on this show for the last 5 seasons. The audience would reject out of hand any attempt to give him a new love story, and why would they want to turn off the audience that way? They want viewers.

We just saw them getting married and pledge to love each other to eternity. What are you picturing that could come between that and still keep the tenants of true love alive on this show? What would that say about love and love stories on this show? What would it say about true love, the most powerful magic of all? Would it make you want to watch another love story? Would you believe that true love is still magic? Or would it destroy the foundations the show is built on?

This is all especially true if Emma is still alive which I 100% expect her to be. Killing Emma would demolish this reboot before it began. It’s depressing and devoid of hope and a terrible legacy to give the protagonist and the show as a whole.

This show was renewed because of syndication and streaming dollars, killing Emma kills that business. Period.

Next I have a lot of asks that go, “I can’t see them not giving Hook a new love interest, because I can’t see them not using Colin for a romantic/sexual angle…”

Let me get this straight, to you Colin is only good for how he relates sexually to a woman? He has no worth as an actor, and Hook has no worth as a character, outside of a romantic storyline? Wow. Fuck off. No seriously think about what you’re saying. It’s gross.

Think about how sick you feel at the thought of Hook with another woman, and then tell me again how valuable it would be to give Colin a romantic story to play just cause he’s hot? His value on this show as a leading man is with Emma. Period. They never even let us see him kiss Milah or flirt with a bar wench because of how fucking unpalatable that would have been to the audience. You think they’re gonna think the audience is more ready to see or now? After the wedding and 5 years of epic romance? Just stop.

I am not discussing this all summer. Because while I think killing Emma or destroying CS or giving Hook a new love interest would be shooting themselves in the foot, if they do it, it won’t matter to me because I won’t be watching.

If they kill Emma? Deal breaker

If they break Emma and Hook up? Deal Breaker

If they make me feel bad about Emma and Hook’s future? (not counting your garden variety villains and curses they need to deal with) Dealbreaker

If they give Colin a new love interest? (Even if it doesn’t mess with CS because it’s a prequel or fairy tale times-wimey hijinx) Dealbreaker

If they even have Hook look the wrong way at another woman? Deal breaker.

I’m going to have zero fucking tolerance for any of it, just as I have zero fucking tolerance for endless asks on the topic. If it happens, it won’t matter because I won’t be watching and you don’t have to watch either.