Random outtakes from today's entry (13rd January):
- It's Boromir, of all people, who lobs a stone at the Watcher in the Water. (It's not always Pippin, unlike the movies would have you believe! Other people can do foolish things too!)
- The far worst crime of said Watcher is the uprooting of the ancient holly trees at the Doors; it will take an Age and a half at least to grow their like 😢
- The tapping of little Gollum-feet in the distance!
- The famous cats of Queen Berúthiel!
- How Gandalf regrets snapping at Pippin over the well thing, and relieves him from watch.
- That Frodo can now see in the dark.
You know how Éomer and Gimli had their little fight over whether Galadriel or Arwen was more beautiful?
I wonder if there were women in Gondor at that time who had the same kind of argument, except about the guys?
"I'm telling you, it's Elrond!"
"No way, it's definitely Celeborn!"
"Fight me!"
Or even more amusing:
"King Elessar is surely the fairest!"
"Pfft, whatever! I think it's that Dwarf Gimli!"
One pool floatie to rule them all
I need this!! For my winter beach trips (bc this is FL and sometimes winter is the best time for the beach).
We like to joke about dirty, sweaty ranger Aragorn, but you know what I thought of? Out of everyone in the Fellowship, Aragorn probably is most familiar with how to bathe in the he wild. He's had the most experience with knowing how to take advantage of spots where there are clean water, etc. He probably knows some kind of magical plant that, Idk, helps keep your hair clean or something.
While other Fellowship members like Boromir, Legolas, etc. also have experience as warriors, they don't literally live in the wild like all the time. Aragorn does. Plus, he was raised by Elves. The sons of Elrond hung around with the Dunedain a lot. So if you subscribe to the idea that Elves are more particular about keeping clean, you can reasonably assume Aragorn might've had some influence to bathe every now and then, even as a ranger.
And that's not to mention how the mental image of Elrond's Disapproving Eyebrow Face or the sound of his mother's shriek the first time Aragorn came back to Rivendell from the wild looking all filthy dirty, are probably seared into his mind for eternity. It's a mental reminder to at least wash up every now and then, like the respectable Man his mother and Elrond raised him to be!
Of course, that's not to say Aragorn makes use of the knowledge he has. Or that even Elrond's Disapproving Eyebrows are enough motivation for Aragorn to regularly bathe in the wild (after all, what Elrond doesn't see, Elrond doesn't know...err, maybe 🤔)
Still, it could be that, in spite of it all, Aragorn really is the dirty ranger we all joke about. 😂
'I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown". And he replied: "Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way". So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.' —"The Gate of the Year," Minnie Louise Haskins
Ok! Who doesn't love a little M&A (Merger and Acquisition) content? I certainly did, and I am POSITIVE that IF Sauron ever had to write down his M&A pitch, it might look something like the write-up below. I haven't bothered to put this into PowerPoint. But if I did, the slide deck would be black as pitch, his font would be *suspiciously* elegant, and even the footnotes would be doing crimes.
One Ring Holdings
Confidential | Visionary | Inevitably Binding
Executive Summary
Middle-earth is fragmented, inefficient, and emotionally overinvested in “freedom.” This has led to duplicated defenses, inconsistent leadership, and wildly divergent aesthetic standards. One Ring Holdings proposes a hostile-but-streamlined consolidation, delivering stability, alignment, and unprecedented operational clarity under a single, decisive authority.
Synergies will be immediate. Resistance will be temporary.
The Problem
- Decentralized governance across Men, Elves, Dwarves, and Hobbits
- Redundant armies with incompatible command structures
- Immortals making long-term plans; mortals panicking quarterly
- Wizards operating with no oversight whatsoever
In short: chaos dressed as tradition.
The Solution
A unified operating system.
The Ring™ Platform will:
- Align incentives through shared dependence
- Eliminate dissent via seamless will-integration
- Provide real-time surveillance and compliance monitoring
- Reduce leadership ambiguity (one leader; it’s me)
Target Acquisitions
Gondor Strategic value: Infrastructure, legitimacy, emotional vulnerability Integration plan: “Protection” narrative, gradual leadership replacement
Rohan Strategic value: Cavalry, land access Integration plan: Executive capture, loyalty realignment, horse branding TBD
Erebor Strategic value: Capital reserves, manufacturing Integration plan: Hostile takeover via greed exposure
Mirkwood & Lórien Strategic value: Legacy brands with declining relevance Integration plan: Slow erosion, leadership burnout, forced exit to the West
The Shire Strategic value: None. Risk: Disproportionate. Integration plan: Ignore until too late (industry best practice)
Synergies
- Operational Efficiency: One will, one vision, zero debate
- Cost Reduction: Fewer councils, fewer songs, dramatically fewer hope-based initiatives
- Security: Total transparency (from my tower)
- Brand Consistency: Black, spiked, intimidating—finally cohesive
Leadership
CEO: Sauron Experience includes:
- Forging industry-defining products
- Scaling influence across Ages
- Rebounding after catastrophic defeats
- Strong eye for detail
Risk Factors (Downplayed)
- Prophecy (historically unreliable)
- Hobbits (statistically irrelevant, emotionally dangerous)
- Overconfidence (noted, dismissed)
- Eagles (non-participating stakeholders)
Exit Strategy
There is none. This is a permanent integration.
Closing Statement
Middle-earth doesn’t need freedom. It needs alignment.
Join us willingly—or be seamlessly absorbed into a more efficient future.
One Ring Holdings: Binding the market since the Second Age.
These posts are so much fun! I love to see people blending their professional knowledge and lingo with their nerdiness. 😁
To be really, needlessly technical, Sauron didn't even know about Hobbits or the Shire until really late in the game, but I'm not going to criticize their inclusion in the above post. It's so good! 😀
"He [Glorfindel] searched the wound on Frodo's shoulder with his fingers [...] Frodo felt the chill lessen in his side and arm; and a little warmth crept down from his shoulder to his hand, and the pain grew easier. The dusk of evening seemed to grow lighter about him, as if a cloud had been withdrawn. He saw his friends' faves more clearly again, and a measure of new hope and strength returned."
Reading this almost makes me want a wound for Glorfindel to heal. Like when a little kid searches for any old scrape or scratch just so they can get a bandaid, too. 😄